Hit Woman 3 Weeks After Cesarean

[verde]

My question involves criminal law for the state of: california


My niece's boyfiends hits her and there is verbal and emotional abuse. He cheated during her pregancy and many other times as well. We tried getting her some help but she keeps going back to him. Most recently he hit her after 3 weeks of having a cesearean birth. Because she was trying to get his cell phone to check if he was having more women.

Well she slapped him and he gave her a black eyes and other stuff. The cops arrested him but she bailed him out.
The plot thickens....he convinced her to tell the DA it was HER FAULT and he was just trying to hold her down to protect himself. His ex wife left him for abuse and he was in jail a year ago for threatening a woman's life at work. She has a 2 year old and a 3 week little girl. Can they arrest my niece because she said she started it?

I know very well he is trying to turn this around because the judge told next time he would give him a heavy sentence assault. She needs professional help and I would hate for the children to lose their mother and let the abuser go free....or will the judge sentence him to jail and see the smoke screen?

[free9man]

Is it possible she will be charged? Yes.

Is it likely? I doubt it. Prosecutors are used to DV victims recanting or saying its their fault, etc...

I'm sure aardvarc will be along shortly with more advice.

[aardvarc]

Courts see this dynamic every day. DAs know very well that abusers attempt to manipulate victims into taking the rap. With that said, yes, it's absolutely possible that EITHER or BOTH of them could be arrested and face charges. She has no legal defense to trying to get his cell phone. Regardless of what crimes he may have committed against her in the past, that doesn't give HER free reign to use force to attempt to get his phone. If BOTH of them are going to attempt to solve their problems by putting their hands on each other, then both of them may have unpleasant criminal consequences for exercising that problem solving technique. If he's got priors, his punishment may be worse, but she's definately not in the clear here. It isn't going to sway the court in a sympathetic way that she's pointing the finger at him as an abuser, when she's attacking him in a jealousy-motivated attempt to get his cell phone. A DA would have a pretty easy time making her out to be the instigator/aggressor in this situation - even if his reaction to it was beyond the realm of self defense.

On the flip side, it is very possible that the children are going to loose their mother either way. Because the court isn't going to stand around forever and allow children to continue to be exposed to violence, no matter who claims to be the one receiving or dishing it out. The courts ultimately can't force an adult victim to stop being a victim, or force two people with abusive tendencies who want to remain together from doing so (even a restraining order is only, realistically, a piece of paper, and people are generally going to do what they want to do anyway). Many will sadly stay and participate in these types of situated transactions until they are killed, despite the best efforts of friends, family, neighbors, clergy, advocates, social services, etc. etc., But the courts absolutely can and frequently DO remove children, who don't have a vote in these two choosing to stay in a relationship with violent dynamics, from such environments. Google the term "failure to protect".

[aardvarc]

Sorry....had to continue in new post....work got in the way.....(sheesh)...

At the end of the day, mom needs to do THREE important things:

1) realize that when she starts or meets confrontation with physical violence of her own, that the odds that she will end up facing charges of her own begin to increase, and odds that she will end up dead begin to SKYROCKET...(it won't matter to her kids who started it - they'll only know that they don't have a mom) - [for those interested, Google "Luckenbill situated transactions" for some excellent insight in how so many crime victims are actually involved in, even sparking, the confrontations that end with their own deaths - something particularly common in DV related homicides - as who hits first isn't nearly as important as who hits LAST )]

2) realize that until she both gets some help for herself, on several levels including learning HEALTHY ways of communicating, and recognizing and rejecting abusive relationships, that she is putting herself and her children at great physical, emotional, and legal risk, and

3) cooperate in holding abusers accountable for their actions - abusers get to continue abusing thanks to fear, threats, and beliefs of victims that they, the victim, can love them or support them or change their own behaviors in an attempt to appease or alter the abuser's behavior, or that they can exert control of their own in an effort to come out on top (ie trying to confront him about his phone, escalating to physical attempts to take it, rather than LEAVE him or confront the issue in a NON-physical manner) and dozens of other reasons within the dynamics of these unhealthy relationships. But one, and ONLY one person can change the behavior of an abuser, and it's NOT the victim. If she can't get out of this relationship on her own, she needs to be getting HELP to do so - because these things tend to escalate, and at this rate, it won't be long before mom is in jail on charges of her own, or has her children taken away, or is no longer with us in this life.

[verde]

Thank you for your answers and the time to took to write them. I will print them out for her to read.
I'm pretty much at my rope's end trying to help and remove her and she goes back.
I dont want her ending up dead.

[aardvarc]

Sometimes in these cases, people are willing to die to prove they are "right", or that they can "take care of it myself". If she's dug in that deep, often only really drastic circumstances like loosing one's children have a chance to provide the wakeup call (even being arrested doesn't tend to have any impact other than stopping the cycle for the period of incarceration, only to start right back up once released). Truthfully, only mom can protect mom - no one can make her leave. Keep trying to let her know that there ARE options and assistance available, but she's got to WANT the help and take some simple steps to GET it. You can also focus attention on the secondary victims, the children, whose safety CAN be protected by outside forces, even above mom's wishes to keep them in the situation.