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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2010

    Default Child Support Agency Called About a Child I'm Already Supporting

    My question involves child support in the State of: California
    My Ex-Girlfriend and I had a baby (Now 2 months). We had already broken up for 6 months and she waited till she was 6 month pregnant before calling me to tell me she was pregnant. Ever since then I have been there for her. She has 2 other children, doesn't work, is on WIC, Medical, Food Stamps, Housing and other State assistance. When she told me about the pregnancy about 2 weeks later I had a Heart Attack and had a quadruple bypass. During that time things got VERY complicated for me that I was in the hospital for 1 month and 1/2. When I came out I went back to helping her out during her pregnancy with her other 2 children and gave he monetary assistance. I paid her electricty bill, bought food, cell phone bill, etc. I tried putting the baby (not yet born) on my work insurance to cover the medical/Dr Cost but they said until the baby was born he couldn't be added. While I was helping her out I was staying at her house (Not because I had to nor because we had anything going. We had established that there was nothing anymore between us that what was happening was for the best of the baby once it was born). I stayed there because she didn't have a car if she got sick, or if she was going to deliver how was she suppose to get to the Hospital (I know an ambulance) but I wanted to be there for her and for the baby. So the baby was born in August. Took him back to her place because she had to have a c-section so I went back to help her with the love of my life new born baby and her 2 kids. Well once she got back on her 2 feet that she could manage to be on her own she told me it wasn't a good idea for me to be staying there and that she no longer wanted me to spend the nights. I was fine with that my whole reason to be there was to help her and to be there for the baby. So she felt that it was time for me to go so I did so. Then the whole issue of when do I get to see/be with the baby came up. She said she didn't want me to go over her house (Which I am OK with) but then when was I suppose to bond/share time with the baby?? So after her telling me that the baby needed to be with her because she breast fed etc she agreed for me to pick him up every other weekend so he can spend the night at my house. I was ok because I wanted to work with her and reasoned with her as far as the brest feeding (Even though I purchased her a Medela Beast Pump). She made me wait 40 days before I could take him to my house. So it has been 2 weekends I have taken him. During all this time I bought all the necessary things (Diapers, wipes, bouncer, swing, basinet, baby water, bottles, etc Everything the baby needs she has not spent one cent on the baby needs). At the same time I added him to my PPO insurance and let her choose the pedriatician and he has had 3 appointments and I get off of work to go pick her and the baby up (1 hr away) pay the co pay and have paid the 20% I am responsible for because of my PPO terms. Before I would give her $150 every week. Don't know where that money went (and I know $150 isn't enough for her caring of the baby and stuff like that). But she doesn't have to spend non of that $150 directly on the baby which is ok and I understand it doesn't always go directly to the baby because she has to feed to be able to feed the baby. But for that she has the food stamps, wic, etc. So I thought I was being fair by doing stuff the way I explained. I was currently giving her $400 every 2 weeks. Well today I received a message from the Child Support Agency asking me to call them back. I am not a dead beat dad. I want to be involved in the childs life. If it was up to me and I could I would bring him to live with me. I love him to death and it kills me that at the end he is going to be the one to suffer. So I asked her what she had told Child Support and she said that I helped her with diapers and stuff like that but never mentioned the money and stuff I paid for her. So now my question what should I do? Should I wait till I get something from the court? Should I go and get an attorney and file for custody (not because I don't want to pay Child Support but because like I said before if it was up to me I would have him with me 24/7 and have him live with me). I just want the best for the baby!! As is she is struggling to support her other kids and I know it seems that I am being judgemental but I see it very hard for her. So I guess I was being to nice so what should I do?? I told her I was going to file for custody and she started to cry that I was trying to take her kid away.. I just want to have him as much as she does I tried working with her but now she got the Child Support Agency involved and so now I don't want to be screwed because I never denied being there support wise nor money wise. What should I do??

    Thanks for all your help in advance. It just seems I am going to get screwed some way or another.

  2. #2

    Default Re: Child Support Agency Called About a Child I'm Already Supporting

    She filed for government assistance. That causes the government to try to find the other parent and get THEM to support the child, rather than the taxpayers. The state would have come after you for support whether she wanted them to or not. But the state's case for child support won't automatically grant you any custody or visitation rights. Until these are spelled out by a court, mom doesn't have to allow you to be around the child at all - so it's in your best interest to file for custody or visitation ASAP. You can get a rough idea of what amount of child support the state will be after by checking the online guideline calculator:

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