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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    Wisconsin
    Posts
    2

    Default Does a 13 Year Old Have a Right to Say No to the Other Parent when It's Time to Go

    I could go on and on about the situation - and I actually I did...before the spell checker threw me off this page and dropped everything I already typed.

    She hates being around him and his temper - so she never wants to go to his house. I've filed a placement request just this week with the court - but in the meantime, tonight for example, he is saying if I were any kind of decent parent I would force her to go over to his house - just like I force her to go to school. The bottom line question is - is he right? Should I force her based on legalities (I sure won't force her because he wants it that way...)?

    Just so you know - I did suggest to her that she and he go to mediation first - but she is horrified at the thought. And I'm not denying him his rights - I understand how she feels - it's exhausting being around someone who flys off the handle all the time.

    Oh, er, we currently have shared custody and shared placement (since she was about 4 years old). She has gone to his house for 9 years fairly faithfully.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Behind a Desk
    Posts
    98,846

    Default Re: Does a 13 Year Old Have a Right to Say No to the Other Parent when It's Time to G

    Before what spell checker threw you off the page? If your spelling is so bad that you crashed your browser, don't blame us. As you can see from the many semi-literate posts here, whatever happened to you because of your spelling has nothing to do with this forum.

    You are expected to follow the court's visitation order, even if the kid doesn't want to go.

  3. #3

    Default Re: Does a 13 Year Old Have a Right to Say No to the Other Parent when It's Time to G

    No state recognizes a minor has having the legal ability to make that decision for themselves. Some judges are willing to allow the child to express their opinions and concerns, but they are not required to do so, or to bend towards those wishes. The older the child and the more mature their reasons and concerns, the more impact it may have - but the time for that to have been brought up was during the custody/visitation process, UNLESS there have been some new incidents SINCE that ruling that the court is unaware of. Generally speaking, courts hold that it's in the child's long term best interests to have relationships with both parents (cause guess where she'll end up if you get hit by a bus), UNLESS there is some overwhelming reason to alter from that philosophy. If dad has some documented history of violence since the original order issued, then you can request that his visitation time be supervised. Short of that, as Mr. K noted, the court expects its orders to be followed, and a parent who willfully engages in thwarting that order can find themselves at the wrong end of a judge's lecture about how once you chose the other parent to make a child with, you created an obligation to nurture the child's relationship with that co-parent (again, unless there's some documentation of circumstances that would alter the court's motive of dual parenthood). So yes, you either force her, or, you provide the court with some evidence that there is some danger afoot and ask for supervised visitation, or, you face contempt of court and open the door for the other parent to seek custody.

  4. #4

    Default Re: Does a 13 Year Old Have a Right to Say No to the Other Parent when It's Time to G

    Your ex is right. If your child was not going to school, as a parent how would you enforce that? What if they were taking drugs? Child was profusely swearing at you? What if their room was dirty and they would not clean it? Didn't want to go to grandma's house for thanksgiving? Now how can visiting a parent be any different?

    What are some of the consequences you would enforce on some of the above situations? Grounded? Take away TV, internet, cell-phone? Take door off hinges?

    Your child is a teenager, their feelings and emotions are all over the place and they test you. I visited plenty of relatives and did things for my parents I didn't want to do, and it didn't kill me.

    These situations, if not handled correctly, can magnify. Next thing you are in court for withholding visitation, your child is in court-ordered therapy and the courts are ordering make-up visitation.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    Wisconsin
    Posts
    2

    Default Re: Does a 13 Year Old Have a Right to Say No to the Other Parent when It's Time to G

    Where did you get the idea I was blaming you or this board site? I was merely frustrated when I ran a spell checker and instead of checking my spelling - it moved me to an update page for spell checking software and all that I had typed was gone. I was under the impression that people on here took questions seriously and thought I should double check my writing to ensure I had been clear. By announcing that I had previously written a bunch a stuff and was shortening it - I thought I was cluing you in that I may have left something important out. Implying that my spelling is bad certainly doesn't hurt my feelings. But worrying about my kid does make me express emotions - sorry, if that offended you.

    Thanks for all your answers, Aardvarc and (apparently) Mr. Knowitall. I thought that was the case - which is why I filed the change - but I keep getting people insisting to me that a 13 year old has those rights. I thought maybe I had missed a new law.

    p.s. Even people who can't spell don't crash spell checkers - only poor programming does that.

    Mershu, the question was clearly stated in the subject - why did I get a lecture on parenting? Mr. Knowitall - despite his need to jab me - gave me the answer I was looking for.

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