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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2010

    Unhappy Stopping Harassment By My Ex

    My question involves restraining orders in the State of: NY

    My ex is extremely manipulative and verbally abusive. For communication concerning the child, I send a notebook with her. He has been abusing this communication device in order to manipulate, threaten, and harass, starting out with the, "I love you and miss you," stuff and going from telling me what a great mother I am to the following (names have been changed in order to protect privacy and to try and keep him from stalking me online):

    I am thinking about trying to file for some sort of order of protection. My baby's father keeps harassing me in the journal supposed to be used to communicate about our daughter, by writing things like the following:

    "What are we going to do about information that Lt. Marigold brought to my attention. I am very worried about you and Sarah. I am going to be taking the right steps for the safety of my two children."

    "I just feel like you are trying to teach me to be a parent. Thank you but no thank you. Central County has made a HUGE mistake. How safe is Sarah around someone who looses there temper in court - (HARRY JONES (*my stepfather)). Did you ever get the help you said ALWAYS NEEDED so you would understand why at 31 now your mom treats you the way she does. From what the judge-lawyers have said the problem's may not be bettween you and I but your parents with me.

    You told my mom (Tina Norman) you are bi-polar. But you NEVER told ME!!! Did you ever stop taking your meds. I still have cash - slips for baby formula - diapers - toy's etc. I did not choose to buy a $1200 computer in Sept of 2009. You said in court papers I don't provide for Sarah (*not in any of the papers). You also said I lost visitation of Dorothy (*his other daughter) - BOTH NOT TRUE!!!

    Still I have not heard anything about Lt. Marigold. Who told Mom and I
    1. Get a DNA test done on Sarah. The first month of our relationship you were also dating (my boss) so you could get full time.
    2. You went to Jones City School District drunk to teach
    3. Marigold said you where told to wear other clothes at work less. revealing. You said "You could not afford smock's

    I pray these are not true I can't hold this in any longer. all the pro's I have talked to keep telling me to bring these issues up in court
    We will be making the proper contacts to resolve this."

    *He manipulated this woman into sharing confidential information and rumors, to which she told him they were rumors, then played the "gotcha" game and tried getting this woman in trouble at work and asked how DARE she share confidential information with him.

    "Who told you that I have a history of calling Social Services Was it the law guardians: the one in Central County allowed a mother who was raped by her X-Husband ate his own pubic-hair killed animals in front of his own children or the one here who I've tried to contact for three months who failed to contact me since Nov-Dec"

    *No one told me he has this history. He told me, himself, that, "any bump, bruise, or mark on our daughter, and Social Services would be showing up at [my] door."

    *He was notified by my lawyer, after this one, through his lawyer, that he was to cease this activity. After that he did not pick up our daughter for over four months and harassed the Early Intervention people, instead. After our next court date, he resumed (somewhat) seeing her, and the last time wrote this in the journal:

    "Contacting - (My current place of work) over Marigold info. - Jones City School Dist

    Was NEVER NEVER arrested in Central County (*No idea what this is about)

    THIS WILL BE IN THE PUBLIC EYE. (*Not sure what will be in the "public eye")

    Everything would of been fine without Marigold coming to my job, not once but twice. Now it's time to call it all out." (*He asked her for information the first time she was a customer where he works, then she came back to provide it)

    Do I seriously have to keep letting him harass me and others like this or can I get some sort of Harassment Restraining Order or something? Between that and the phone calls from an "unknown" number, and not knowing what he's going to throw at me next or that I may end up not just losing my current job because of what he is pulling, but having my reputation ruined so I can't get any other job in my field, either...he's got me on edge even though I try not to think about it.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Behind a Desk

    Default Re: Stopping Harassment By My Ex

    Presumably this journal is being kept because you and the father are no good at communicating directly with each other, and is being kept at the order or behest of a counselor or the court; if so, ask your lawyer if you should address your issue to whomever suggested or ordered the journal. If not, ask your lawyer how to proceed.

    I don't see how a journal that is exchanged between you and your ex- can negatively affect your reputation, as unless you're passing it around nobody else i reading it. Belief that he may, in the future, call your work isn't grounds for a restraining order - they are issued based upon past actions, not theoretical possibilities.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Aug 2010

    Default Re: Stopping Harassment By My Ex

    The journal is not court-ordered, but an idea I used from the mother of his other child because all spoken communication has consisted of in the past is him saying he's going to take custody away from both of us, how DSS will be showing up at my door with any mark on the child, how "dangerously" she is dressed, why her face is red (when she's had a tantrum), how he's going to commit suicide, how he had planned on taking a friend of his on her death bed with him to shoot the mother of his other child, how he will plant drugs in her car, etc. He was also calling me repeatedly at all times of day and night, which I can't do anything about, now, and telling me my phone was tapped, my house was bugged, and I need to call 911 if the phone keeps cutting out (was a piece of faulty equipment that the company ended up replacing), because I'm in immediate danger. And I read the definition of harassment for the wrong state, anyway...where it states that,

    "Harassment includes:
    1. Repeated, intrusive, or unwanted acts, words, or gestures that are intended to adversely affect your safety, security, or privacy, regardless of the relationship between you and the alleged harasser;" and

    "Criminal harassment is defined as "engag(ing) in intentional conduct which the actor [harasser] knows or has reason to know would cause the victim, under the circumstances, to feel frightened, threatened, oppressed, persecuted, or intimidated; and causes this reaction on the part of the victim. (M.S. 609.749, Subd. I)," which includes unwanted "letters." It has been in writing to him from my lawyer that his notes are unwanted and inappropriate.

    However, NY State Law says the following, so I am guessing I am misinterpreting it:

    " A person is guilty of aggravated harassment in the second degree when, with intent to harass, annoy, threaten or alarm another person, he or she:

    1. Either (a) communicates with a person, anonymously or otherwise by telephone, or by telegraph, mail or any other form of written communication, in a manner likely to cause annoyance or alarm; or (b) causes a communication to be initiated by mechanical or electronic means or otherwise, with a person, anonymously or otherwise, by telephone, or by telegraph, mail or any other form of written communication, in a manner likely to cause annoyance or alarm;"

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