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  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    2

    Unhappy Vistitation Demands

    Any advice would be appreciated!

    Background: (I'm the step-mom) My husband & his ex have been divorced 2 years; both kids live with us; 12 y/o son; 9 y/o daughter with developmental disabilities inherited from her mom. We live in Colorado, Biological Mom (BM) in California with 2 kids from her current relationship in a trailer rented from her b/f's parents.

    The divorce settlement indicates that the father has the kids for the academic schedule. That's it. The academic schedule. We've stretched that to include his son's baseball & daughter's gymnastics' schedules. School gets out June 1st but sports stretches til the 3rd of July.

    BM is understandibly upset because she wants the kids the day after school gets out. We don't want to send them until after the sports season is over. We've taken this stand that we'll send them after the season because:
    #1. The boy doesn't want to go until after the season is over, he worked hard to become captain of his team, & he's old enough to make that choice in our opinions
    #2. We paid for the seasons...the whole season & don't want to cut it short
    #3. We finance the entire trip every year...both directions.

    BM lives on welfare & SSI for her mental disabilities (deemed incompetent to work). She actually brings home more a month than I do working full time after I pay for our insurance benefits, but doesn't pay child support because of the sources of her income.

    BM won't drive. Because she chooses not to drive, we have to buy a round trip ticket for each kid and then 2 for my husband; one so he can fly the kids out there, rent a car & drive them to her doorstep and then another so we can have the kids returned. We can't even send them as unaccompanied minors because she cannot find a ride to pick them up!

    My husband & I are doing In-vitro fertilization & we're seriously financially tapped this year. In a casual conversation, the boy told her that we said she was going to have to pay half of the trip this year (about $500). She was outraged & then all hell broke loose.

    And then the demands began. She's demanding:
    #1. That we pay half to send the kids out for Christmas this year. (We sent them year before last at 50% our expense and 50% paternal grampa's expense).
    #2. That the boy not play baseball next year because it cuts into her time.
    #3. That she recieves the kids the day after school is released next year & sends them home less than a week before it starts.

    We decided against sending them for holidays after the girl's school called & asked point blank "What the hell goes on at her mother's??" because of her behavioral & concentration issues upon her return to school. She's in concentrated special-ed & the transition reeks havoc on her if she doesn't have a month to adapt. Christmas break is 2 weeks.

    My questions are:
    1) Does she have a leg to stand on demanding that her son not play baseball because of the time constraints? (This will break his heart)

    2) Do we have to send the kids to her for Christmas?

    3) Is it possible that she could make us 50% financially responsible if we do send them for holidays?

    4) We currently supply health insurance. But does this verbage in the divorce settlement mean she has to pay half of the kids out of pocketmedical every year (i.e. copays, surgical deductibles, etc): [I]"Each parent shall maintain health insurance for the benefit of the minor childeren if available at no or reasonable cost or shall obtain such coverage if it becomes available at no or reasonable cost. Health insurance shall be considered reasonable in cost if it is employment related group health insurance or other group health insurance. Each parent shall be responsible for 1/2 of all necessary unreimbursed medical, precription drugs, dental or vision expense on behalf of the childen"

    (we pay all of the medical currently & that includes when the boy had an ear infection at her house & had to go to urgent care...the bill was mailed to us by the hospital)

    Sorry...I know it's long, but the details might make a difference.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    28,906

    Default Re: Vistitation Demands

    The custody judgment has no provision for visitation, how much the mother is to receive, or how it is to be scheduled?

  3. #3
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    2

    Default Re: Vistitation Demands

    Nope...it just says:

    "The parites hereby agreen to joint legal custody & physical custody of their Minor Children. The parties will continue exchanging physical &/or visitation custody of the minors to accomodate the children's academic school calendar."

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    28,906

    Default Re: Vistitation Demands

    Then you need to try to reach an amicable agreement. If you cannot, and there is no other dispute resolution described in the order, you may have to have the court decide the issue.

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