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  1. #1
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    Aug 2010
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    Default Overcharged Child Support After Undisclosed Change of Child Care Expenditures

    My question involves child support in the State of: Ohio

    Ok, I'll try to make this short, but there are alot of details, most of which will be left out. If any details need included, please ask.

    My ex fiance and I planned our son together, and while 5 months pregnant, I discovered she was a totally diff person than I thought (not because of her mood swings but the whole cheating thing kind of gave it away). Anyway, the split got very ugly, and she decided to give me the whole "take both of us or neither" thing after I told her I wanted our son. So I decided that court would sort it all out and be fair. Boy was I wrong.

    A year later, we finally had a court date to establish child support so I could see my son. I WRONGFULLY assumed giving support meant you automatically got visitation rights. Nope. At the hearing, we were both supposed to bring pay stubs, and she was supposed to bring receipts for diapers, rent, daycare, and a whole bunch of other stuff. I show up with my stubs, she shows up with literally nothing. So the lady who decided my fate did some calculations and gave me a number, $870 a month. It seemed high and she explained it was because ex paid so much for daycare a month. SUPPOSEDLY $750 a month. However, I recently found out she withdrew him from that daycare facility and has had her mother babysitting for the past two yrs. She KNOWINGLY never reported the change.

    My question is this.

    1. Is that considered fraud of any kind?
    2. Will I ever be able to prove somehow that he has not been there for TWO years, and if so, how?
    3. How the heck can I get my cash back, or at least put towards my arrears that are way too far behind, seeing as I bring home literally $48 a week due to him having to be on my work insurance AND $870 a month?

    Any help would be greatly appreciated, as my wife and I are pregnant with TWINS (Amazing!) and I would really like to be able to support my wife and children rather than my cheating ex. Thanks again in advance!!

    --Tolliver

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
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    9,096

    Default Re: Ex Swindled Alot of My Money. Any Way to Get It Back

    Quote Quoting Tolliver
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    My question is this.

    1. Is that considered fraud of any kind?
    No.

    2. Will I ever be able to prove somehow that he has not been there for TWO years, and if so, how?
    That doesn't matter. You could take her back to court for a change in CS... but that was YOUR job, not hers.

    In other words, if you aren't paying attention, it is no one's fault but yours.

    3. How the heck can I get my cash back, or at least put towards my arrears that are way too far behind, seeing as I bring home literally $48 a week due to him having to be on my work insurance AND $870 a month?
    You can't.

    Any help would be greatly appreciated, as my wife and I are pregnant with TWINS (Amazing!) and I would really like to be able to support my wife and children rather than my cheating ex. Thanks again in advance!!
    Sorry, you are still responsible for supporting your child even if you decide to have other children you really can't afford.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Default Re: Ex Swindled Alot of My Money. Any Way to Get It Back

    What Cyjeff said.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
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    3

    Default Re: Ex Swindled Alot of My Money. Any Way to Get It Back

    So although I had NO WAY of knowing she cancelled it, not due to lack of attention, but lack of knowledge (I would have had to be stalking her to know this), it still would fall under my fault should have known?

    And also I have no problem supporting my son, I however DO have a problem with her being unemployed and living at home and buying a new car with the extra CS money that she pocketed. Thanks for your input though. Was not necessary seeing as you are volunteers, so I do appreciate it. Any other thoughts from anyone else? Just wanting to make sure I cover all of my bases.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Somewhere near Canada
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    Default Re: Ex Swindled Alot of My Money. Any Way to Get It Back

    Quote Quoting Tolliver
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    So although I had NO WAY of knowing she cancelled it, not due to lack of attention, but lack of knowledge (I would have had to be stalking her to know this), it still would fall under my fault should have known?

    Had you sought and been granted joint custody and/or visitation, this may not have been an issue. Either way yes, it's your responsibility.

    Stalking doesn't even enter the equation.


    And also I have no problem supporting my son, I however DO have a problem with her being unemployed and living at home and buying a new car with the extra CS money that she pocketed.

    You're not going to want to hear this but...if Mom chooses to take your child support and spend it on mani/pedis and Coach purses, she has every right to do so. Provided kiddo has a roof of his head, food in his belly.


    Thanks for your input though. Was not necessary seeing as you are volunteers, so I do appreciate it. Any other thoughts from anyone else? Just wanting to make sure I cover all of my bases.

    You really don't have any bases to cover, hon - welcome to the world of being a CS-paying NCP.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
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    3

    Default Re: Ex Swindled Alot of My Money. Any Way to Get It Back

    Which brings me to my next question, which you sort of brought up. "Provided kiddo has a roof...", given her situation )unemployed, living at home, grandparents supporting him and her although she has custody) would that be a good enough reason for my son to live with my wife and I? I'm not worried about being able to afford it, because my boss is aware of the situation and has agreed to hold my promotion until it is fixed so I don't have to give her even more unnecessary cash.

    As far as her spending it on what she likes, I sadly am aware that that is true as to my dad was in the same EXACT sitution with my mother when I was little, difference being he didnt get advice on where to go with it. I don't want to make that mistake so I am asking for help. And please keep all biased opinions to yourself. If it is the truth, whether I wanna hear it or not, please post away. But no attacks please. If I wanted to be stereotyped as a deadbeat dad I'd go back downtown to the CSEA. Thank you.

    --Tolliver

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    529

    Default Re: Ex Swindled Alot of My Money. Any Way to Get It Back

    Quote Quoting Tolliver
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    Which brings me to my next question, which you sort of brought up. "Provided kiddo has a roof...", given her situation )unemployed, living at home, grandparents supporting him and her although she has custody) would that be a good enough reason for my son to live with my wife and I? I'm not worried about being able to afford it, because my boss is aware of the situation and has agreed to hold my promotion until it is fixed so I don't have to give her even more unnecessary cash.--Tolliver
    There are two sides to every story. No one can tell you if your reasons listed are enough to be granted full custody.

    If your reason is: You want what best for your son. Go for it.

  8. #8
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    Apr 2009
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    Default Re: Ex Swindled Alot of My Money. Any Way to Get It Back

    Quote Quoting Tolliver
    View Post
    Which brings me to my next question, which you sort of brought up. "Provided kiddo has a roof...", given her situation )unemployed, living at home, grandparents supporting him and her although she has custody) would that be a good enough reason for my son to live with my wife and I? I'm not worried about being able to afford it, because my boss is aware of the situation and has agreed to hold my promotion until it is fixed so I don't have to give her even more unnecessary cash.

    Generally no. Mom has a pretty solid support system in place there; nothing in the law states that Mom needs to work live outside of her parents house to be a decent parent. If anything it may - in some instances - be a point in her favor.

    While of course we cannot know for sure, I will go out on a limb and disagree with what Lawrence has said; MANY of us here have vast experience with custody matters in local family courts and generally speaking we - as a collective - have a pretty good record of "getting it right", if you will. I for one would rather you didn't waste your money and time trying to change custody if you don't have a valid reason for doing so.

    Mom's financial and home situation are more than adequate by all accounts; if you wish to have custody changed at this point you'll need to either prove Mom unfit (and nothing you have said here comes close to that), or show that there has been a significant change of circumstances in the child's life.

    For example:

    Mom is in jail, or is in hospital and expected to remain so for awhile.
    There is abuse and/or neglect.
    Mom has moved in a level 3 convicted sex offender.

    See where I'm going here?

    As far as her spending it on what she likes, I sadly am aware that that is true as to my dad was in the same EXACT sitution with my mother when I was little, difference being he didnt get advice on where to go with it. I don't want to make that mistake so I am asking for help. And please keep all biased opinions to yourself. If it is the truth, whether I wanna hear it or not, please post away. But no attacks please. If I wanted to be stereotyped as a deadbeat dad I'd go back downtown to the CSEA. Thank you.

    --Tolliver

    I'm...not entirely sure why you think any opinions have been biased.

    And...honestly? The court will not be too sympathetic to you choosing to have extra children while attempting to reduce or not being able to afford to support the first. Remember your wife's infidelity is not the fault of your child.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Posts
    9,096

    Default Re: Ex Swindled Alot of My Money. Any Way to Get It Back

    Quote Quoting Tolliver
    View Post
    As far as her spending it on what she likes, I sadly am aware that that is true as to my dad was in the same EXACT sitution with my mother when I was little, difference being he didnt get advice on where to go with it. I don't want to make that mistake so I am asking for help. And please keep all biased opinions to yourself. If it is the truth, whether I wanna hear it or not, please post away. But no attacks please. If I wanted to be stereotyped as a deadbeat dad I'd go back downtown to the CSEA. Thank you.
    Mom does not have to clear purchases with you.

    As for deadbeat dad, I thought you were in arrears?

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    529

    Default Re: Ex Swindled Alot of My Money. Any Way to Get It Back

    Quote Quoting cyjeff
    View Post
    As for deadbeat dad, I thought you were in arrears?
    How does "Deadbeat dad" be determine by being in arrears? By the time a CP files for paternatity and the NCP is required to pay takes months. Most NCP start off in arrears. Does that means all NCP are deadbeats until the arrears are gone?

    Quote Quoting Dogmatique
    View Post
    Generally no. Mom has a pretty solid support system in place there; nothing in the law states that Mom needs to work live outside of her parents house to be a decent parent. If anything it may - in some instances - be a point in her favor.

    While of course we cannot know for sure, I will go out on a limb and disagree with what Lawrence has said; MANY of us here have vast experience with custody matters in local family courts and generally speaking we - as a collective - have a pretty good record of "getting it right", if you will. I for one would rather you didn't waste your money and time trying to change custody if you don't have a valid reason for doing so.

    Mom's financial and home situation are more than adequate by all accounts; if you wish to have custody changed at this point you'll need to either prove Mom unfit (and nothing you have said here comes close to that), or show that there has been a significant change of circumstances in the child's life.

    For example:

    Mom is in jail, or is in hospital and expected to remain so for awhile.
    There is abuse and/or neglect.
    Mom has moved in a level 3 convicted sex offender.

    See where I'm going here?




    I'm...not entirely sure why you think any opinions have been biased.

    And...honestly? The court will not be too sympathetic to you choosing to have extra children while attempting to reduce or not being able to afford to support the first. Remember your wife's infidelity is not the fault of your child.
    I disagree with you...(I know that shocking).

    If a NCP can provide a considerably better life than the CP can, I see no reason why it should not be considered.

    Without getting in to a huge debate...I don't think it should be a case of an unfit CP the only way for a NCP to have full custody, when both parents are willing to be CP. If is truly all about the child, he or she should be raised to the one that can provide the best for the child.

    Unfortunately the laws are on your side.... :-) But that shouldn't stop anyone from trying, if they truly believe being with them is what best for their child.

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