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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    San Jose, CA
    Posts
    1

    Default Emancipation From a Bigoted Household

    Hello, I'm 16 and from San Jose, California.
    I've read many threads on Emancipation and different situation on the subject matter, first i was hesitant to post but i really need advise/help contour to my situation.
    I'll try and be short and give as much detail as possible.
    First and for most, i have a really awful family 'drama' if you will. Ever since i was little my parents constantly fought, both verbal and physical. My mother; I've over heard through out the years is bi-polar, but i have no proof. Just that she gives off signs indicating that she is. She has these really bad 'episodes' i call them. She gets really angry over certain small things. it's not the normal kind of angry like a mother would get angry over her child getting an F, but the kind of angry to be scared of. My father, isn't as bad as my mother...he just gets upsets and cools down, and everything is ok.
    So i've been dealing with that growing up, some times it was directed towards me and sometimes not. I remember, growing up CPS would always come to my school and home, because my mother's anger problems were never hidden.
    So let me fast forward a little bit to now.
    About a year ago, around March i was outed by my brother which made every thing harder for me. My mother and father do not accept that i am a lesbian. Which doesn't bother me as much as i thought it would, and as long as i don't bring it up, everything's fine. My sexuality does play a role in this but not as much as the main issue. As i stated, my mother does have anger issues, and i've read numerous of times about people that are bi-polar and i believe she is based on her behavior. Her anger towards me has accumulated over the past year, and the small things i do she gets that scary angry...that kind of anger you should be scared for you life.
    My parents bought a restaurant in 07, right when the Economy had a down fall, so their fighting has been more and more constant and impacts me. Because of the fighting, i cannot count how many times the Police have been to my house. I can't walk by a police officer without them knowing me, just the fighting has gotten that bad. Sometimes during the school year, i would miss so much school because of the fighting...it just gets worse and worse everyday.
    When my mother has bad days, she brings up my sexuality, how disgusted she is, how I'm going to hell...everything a lesbian teenager doesn't want to hear. That alone gets so hard. When i first was outed i was dating someone who was going to turn 18, we dated 2-3 months after her 18th birthday. my mother found and threatened her many times to press charges, which i understand she has the right to do that. but she does that now. Occasionally i talk to her as a friend, my mom found out...anything worse possible happened to me. She threatens me, and the girl. we're not dating at all. not to mention I'm not allowed out of the house. The constant verbal abuse. With all that and my parents fighting and the times i have to work at their restaurant. it all just gets so much. I've lived through fear my whole life. I know if i don't do something now,i wont be able to bear until I'm 18.
    I'm completely aware of the consequences of becoming emancipated, its like walking into the nightmare of adulthood with all the bills and that kind of stress. I'd rather live in the kind of environment then the one i do now, it's just tearing me apart, i know if i get emancipated...my life'll be healthier. I do have a plan. I don't want the emancipation process to start until i have a stable job, and saved up some money. I don't know weather to stay in high school, or go to a community college and get my GED.
    I know to be emancipated you have to have a stable income and sufficient maturity.
    I'm just afraid that when this all goes down my mother is going to tell the court that all i want to do is get out so i can be a free lesbian, and be with my over 18 girlfriend which isn't true, also tell them that everything i say is a lie. my mother is a very smart women and has dealt with the law many times. She's very eloquent and can convince some one the sky is yellow.
    I've thought this thing over and over for a really long time, and i feel like with the history my mom has that i can get emancipated.
    I know the option is to call CPS and go into foster care, and i don't want that at all...i just want out, i can't deal with this.
    I've tried and tried to suppress and just say. 'two more years, just two more years'
    but i can't live in fear anymore, not this kind of fear anyway.
    So i just need really need advise. Do i actually have a chance?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Toledo, OH
    Posts
    16,307

    Default Re: Emancipation

    I don't want the emancipation process to start until i have a stable job, and saved up some money.
    Well, that's a good thing, because it cannot start a single instant before that. And if your parents object, it's game over. Emancipation will not happen.

    Read ALL of the pages linked out from here, and ALL of the pages linked out from those.

    Do i actually have a chance?
    No, you do not.

    I'm sorry your mother is a bigot. Put your head down in your school work, join your community's Gay/Straight Alliance, and concentrate on getting through. At 12:01AM on your 18th birthday, you can leave and never look back.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Massachusetts
    Posts
    24,496

    Default Re: Emancipation

    Contrary to what too many kinds believe, emancipation is not granted on the basis of how bad you have it at home. It is based on your having a proven record of self support.

    Your home situation will have little to no impact on your chances for emancipation. It's like asking, If I have six apples and a banana, will my steak be medium or well done?

    When you actually have that job, and a place to stay that you can pay for, and can create a budget to show the judge precisely how your income and expenses meet as in, "I earn xxx.xx a week, of which xx.xx goes to rent, xx.xx goes to utilities, xx.xx to food etc.", what you will do if you lose your job, and how you will continue to earn enough to pay all your own expenses (and I mean ALL your own expenses - not some of your expenses with the help of someone else) while still going to school and getting better than average grades, it will be time enough then to ask about your chances. Until then, emancipation is not an option. It's a good thing you "don't want" the emancipation process to start before you have a stable job, because if you tried to start it any sooner, you'd be shut down faster than you can say, "winkle".

    If I may make a suggestion, you might want to consider going out for activities at school. Get involved in a sport, or a school play. Something for which there are a lot of rehearsals or practices, that will keep you out of the house. Study at the library. Volunteer at an animal shelter, or a pre-school, or a museum, or wherever your interests lie. (This will also round out your history and make you look better to colleges and employers.) It may not get you emancipated, but emancipation is not going to happen for several months yet even if you are one of the very lucky few to have it happen at all (which is by no means a guarantee) and at least it will get you out of the house and give you something to do in the meantime.

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