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  1. #1
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    Jul 2010
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    Default What if Ex and I Can't Agree on Visitation

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: VA

    My ex and I share joint legal and joint physical custody of our daughter with my ex designanted as initial primary caretaker. For visitation, we have the wonderful phrase 'the parties shall determine visitation between them' and nothing else. (Yes I know this needs to be more concrete... we are working on that)

    So here are my questions:
    1. So if we can't agree on when and for how long I see my daughter, does that mean I just have to deal with it, or can I legally pick my daughter up and take her to my house? (I live in NJ my ex and daughter live in VA)

    2. I sometimes travel for work overnight (sometimes for 2-3 nights even), if it is my agreed upon custody/visitation time, can my ex legally stop me from leaving my daughter with my new wife?

    Thanks for any insights.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: What if Ex and I Can't Agree on Visitation

    Quote Quoting NJdad
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    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: VA

    My ex and I share joint legal and joint physical custody of our daughter with my ex designanted as initial primary caretaker. For visitation, we have the wonderful phrase 'the parties shall determine visitation between them' and nothing else. (Yes I know this needs to be more concrete... we are working on that)

    So here are my questions:
    1. So if we can't agree on when and for how long I see my daughter, does that mean I just have to deal with it, or can I legally pick my daughter up and take her to my house? (I live in NJ my ex and daughter live in VA)

    How are you intending to pick up your daughter without Mom's approval?


    2. I sometimes travel for work overnight (sometimes for 2-3 nights even), if it is my agreed upon custody/visitation time, can my ex legally stop me from leaving my daughter with my new wife?

    Thanks for any insights.

    Yes. You can't generally "transfer" your visitation to someone else - not even your wife. Having your wife babysit is one thing, but kiddo being with your wife without you present for 2-3 days is different.

    You really need to get this back to court immediately - as we so often say here, that is one lousy court order!

    Get it spelled out so you can have regular, scheduled visitation. That way you're not at the mercy of Mom's whims, and it protects all of you.

  3. #3
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    Jul 2010
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    Default Re: What if Ex and I Can't Agree on Visitation

    Quote Quoting Dogmatique
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    How are you intending to pick up your daughter without Mom's approval?.
    I was thinking about picking her up from her day care and letting her mother know that she didn't need to rush home from work. Besides the touchy logistics of the pick-up, you make it sound like despite what the paper says, in reality I have less than 50% since I am not primary caretaker.



    Quote Quoting Dogmatique
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    Yes. You can't generally "transfer" your visitation to someone else - not even your wife. Having your wife babysit is one thing, but kiddo being with your wife without you present for 2-3 days is different..
    Not to test the limits here, but what if it were just a single night?

    Quote Quoting Dogmatique
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    You really need to get this back to court immediately - as we so often say here, that is one lousy court order!
    Yeah we made it ourselves when we got along better and my daughter wan't in school.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: What if Ex and I Can't Agree on Visitation

    Quote Quoting NJdad
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    I was thinking about picking her up from her day care and letting her mother know that she didn't need to rush home from work. Besides the touchy logistics of the pick-up, you make it sound like despite what the paper says, in reality I have less than 50% since I am not primary caretaker.
    You're on very shaky ground here - you are planning to take kiddo across state lines without Mom's consent and THEN telling her about it?

    Proceed with extreme caution.

    Mom (and possibly the authorities) could make your life very hard if you attempt this.


    Not to test the limits here, but what if it were just a single night?

    Probably wouldn't be a big deal, but if Mom has ROFR written into any agreement then she'd have the right to get kiddo any time you were away for an extended period (and I'm talking longer than about 6 hours).


    Yeah we made it ourselves when we got along better and my daughter wan't in school.

    Get thee to court! You really need to file for a modification

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
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    Default Re: What if Ex and I Can't Agree on Visitation

    Quote Quoting Dogmatique
    View Post
    You're on very shaky ground here - you are planning to take kiddo across state lines without Mom's consent and THEN telling her about it?

    Proceed with extreme caution.

    Mom (and possibly the authorities) could make your life very hard if you attempt this.
    So even with joint custody, I run the risk of getting myself in big trouble if I exercise my rights to my daughter? If I had my own ROFR would that matter?



    Not to cross threads here but back on 6/4 there was a discussion about a father leaving his daughter with his GF most of the time (Ex Leaves Child with His Girlfriend Nearly 100% of the Time) and the mother was basically told, what dad does with his visitation time is his own business. Does that not apply if I have to work for several days (and nights) straight?

    BTW, Dogmatique, thanks for taking the time to answer all my questions.

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