we were told that is you let a minor hit you 3 times, then you strike them back its cleared self defense..is this true?
Not even close. See the West Virginia statutes that address crimes against the person at:

http://www.legis.state.wv.us/WVCODE/...ap=61&art=2#02


my 18 yr old hit a 14 yr old, after being hit 3 times first. What could we face or be charged with?
"We", nothing, unless you were somehow involved. As an adult, the 18 year old could face anything from disturbing the peace to a full out battery charge, depending on the circumstances, presence and extent of any injuries, etc. - or, he could be charged with something serious like battery and potentially plead down to something less serious.