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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
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    1

    Default Together 9 Years, Never Married, Own Property Together

    My question involves divorce in the State of: Iowa

    I was with my ex girlfriend for 9 years, we purchased a property together 3 years ago. She had been cheating on me with a friend of mine, and then was seeing another guy when I decided to move out. My original plan was to try and buy her out of the property but that is not possible at this time.

    When I moved out I took my clothes, my old truck, and that was about it. We have 40 acres, a house, machine shed, and large finished garage. She has everything we owned including my furniture, big screen tv, brand new zero turn $3,000 lawn mower that I still owe money on, tools, a couple of executive desks and office chairs that were once in my office, meat saw and grinder, and several other things.

    We have now been separated for about 10 months, I told her I was coming to get my mower a couple of weeks ago, sent her a message that I was coming today, and when I got there nobody was there. She has since moved the other guy in and he refused to answer the door. My mower is in the machine shed which she has locked. I called the sheriff and even though I am still on the deed and mortgage he refused to let me go into the shed or remove anything from the property even though I could show the credit card statement that is in my name alone for the mower. It appears that I have been evicted from my own property and apparently have no right to get any of my things. They have let the property go down the tubes, the grass was knee high in the yard, animal crap all over the patio, trash bags ripped open with trash and pop cans falling out of them on the patio, and the last time I was in the house she had locked several cats in the house for over a week while she went out of town and the smell was so bad we were unable to move my bed and dresser out.

    Am I missing something here? She cheats on me, I'm forced to move out of a property I'm a co-owner of, and she gets to keep 100% of all of our property? Oh yeah, not to mention she barely worked a day the entire 9 years we were together. Do I not have any rights at all? Do I have to spend thousands of dollars on lawyers just to be able to even step foot on my own property?

    She told the sheriff today on the phone that I wasn't allowed on the property, how can they stop me from going to my own house with a sheriff deputy?

    Obviously I'm calling a lawyer first thing in the morning to figure out what I can do, I thought I was being nice by letting her keep the mower so that she could maintain the property after I was gone but it's obvious they don't even use it. This is a $165,000 property that she has let go and is destroying. She has not been able to keep up the mortgage payments and the bank has started foreclosure however she was able to file a delay of foreclosure claiming agricultural purposes which is a bunch of nonsense.

    Since she's decided to be this way I'm debating moving back onto the property, after all I am still on the deed and mortgage and the guy she has shacked up in there is not, don't I have a little more authority over what happens on that property than him?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
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    Behind a Desk
    Posts
    98,846

    Default Re: Together 9 Years, Never Married, Own Property Together

    You would be in a better situation if (a) you had married or (b) you had a contract defining what would happen with your property if you broke up.

    As it stands, your instinct is correct - you'll have to sue her, odds are with the help of that lawyer you're consulting (or another lawyer), and a good chunk of the money that might otherwise be in your pocket will go to legal fees. If you can't agree to how to divide any equity in the home, transfer any mortgage liability, or otherwise resolve the dispute over the real property, that could turn into an expensive, protracted lawsuit. For physical property you will need to decide if you are going to request the return of the property, or merely seek money damages - something you can decide after consulting your lawyer. (You can seek the return of the property and money damages to cover culpable damage or for items that are not returned.)

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    2,344

    Default Re: Together 9 Years, Never Married, Own Property Together

    Why don't you simply enter your own property and retrieve your personal property? Who's stopping you? On what basis did law enforcement tell you that you had no right to enter your own property? If you own the shed call a locksmith or simply break the lock.

  4. #4

    Default Re: Together 9 Years, Never Married, Own Property Together

    Quote Quoting sfraise
    View Post
    I decided to move out.

    My mower is in the machine shed which she has locked. I called the sheriff and even though I am still on the deed and mortgage he refused to let me go into the shed or remove anything from the property even though I could show the credit card statement that is in my name alone for the mower.
    What he's telling you is that you've been living AS IF married, so the reality is that whose name is on a credit card statement is irrelevent until you've got a court order (ie by suing for return of what property you can convince the court is yours and only yours). Personally, I disagree with the deputy, and I agree with Bubba that the legal reality is that unless and until she has either legally evicted you or has a court order stating otherwise, it's just as much your house and stuff as it has ever been, whether you're living there or not, but neither am I there to hold you to "no" like the deputy is, nor am I the ex girlfriend or her new boyfriend, who have changed the locks and who could very well have a believable story should they decide to throw some bullets your way if you try to enter. Once you've GOT such a court order in hand for return of property, the deputy will be obligated to see that the court's order is followed.


    Am I missing something here? She cheats on me,
    You didn't marry her either.

    I'm forced to move out of a property I'm a co-owner of,
    No, you told us you decided to move out. You could just as easily have stayed, asked HER to leave, or asked a court to help sort out the situation.

    and she gets to keep 100% of all of our property?
    Until you sue her for it, yes. Marriage is a legal contract, which is disolved via the process of divorce where assets and liabilities are divided. Since you chose not to enter into that contract, you'll have to take the long way around and now ask a court to determine what belongs to who, and who is responsible for what, without the benefit of a contract - so you could come out on the short end of an already short stick.

    Oh yeah, not to mention she barely worked a day the entire 9 years we were together.
    Irrelevent, since she was good enough for you to stay with her for those 9 years.

    Do I not have any rights at all?
    You had the right to marry. Now you have the right to sue.

    Do I have to spend thousands of dollars on lawyers just to be able to even step foot on my own property?
    Unless you know your way around a courtroom, your state's types of courts and their jurisdictional limits, and rules of civil procedure for your state....you'd be insane to attempt this without an attorney.

    Her telling the deputy you can't be on the property doesn't make it so. So far the only thing the deputy has told you is that you can't break the lock on the shed. Unless there's a restraining order in place, if you still maintain legal ownership in the property, you can just as easily tell her she can't be there either. But you're in a poor position because by choosing to leave, because she's got possession, which you're finding out isn't quite 9/10th of the law, as they say, but certainly puts you behind the 8 ball. You can sue not only for return of your stuff, but also for illegal eviction since she's changed the locks. While I agree that prosecution for breaking and entering your own property isn't likely - the reality is that arrest is highly likely given the deputy's warning regarding entering the shed, not to mention ammunition for a restraining order, etc.


    She told the sheriff today on the phone that I wasn't allowed on the property, how can they stop me from going to my own house with a sheriff deputy?
    Her TELLING the sheriff that doesn't mean the sheriff is obligated to obey her. What the sheriff isn't going to do is get in the middle of a civil matter - so do yourself a favor and don't turn it into a potentially criminal one. Go to court, get an order, and THAT is what the sheriff is obligated to obey.



    Since she's decided to be this way I'm debating moving back onto the property, after all I am still on the deed and mortgage and the guy she has shacked up in there is not, don't I have a little more authority over what happens on that property than him?
    Now that you've left and the locks have been changed, trying to re-enter the property could end up with you getting shot. There's being RIGHT and there's being HAPPY. Trying to do this by force, even if you're right, has a lot more potential downside for you than upside. Sue her for the wrongful eviction and THEN get back into your property.

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