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  1. #1

    Default Fiance Wants to Adopt, Bio Father Not on Birth Cert, Best Friend is

    My question involves adoption law for the State of: ny


    Hello!
    I have a 5 year old child, and am engaged to (V).... I found out i was expecting @ 17 weeks pregnant. At the time i already began dating E (non biological father on birth certificate) after leaving B (biological father) five months prior. When I found I was pregnant, we thought the baby surely was E's, but after the 1st prenatal visit, dates proved that was not the case. When telling B, he pushed me off the porch & demanded I get an abortion. I couldnt expect anything more. He has 4 other children by 3 different women all under the age of 3 @ that time, homeless and living with his mother, he sold crack and occasionally cocaine to pay for his clothes, cars, jewlery, marajauna and girlfriends and has never in his life had a job until we dated the year prior when he was 26.... Because E and i had been close friends since we were children and were intimate for a while @ that point, we decided to raise the child together. We had plans of being a family, and so he accepted all rights. However after the baby's birth, things had not gone as expected. Born when E and i were just 18, it seemed to take a toll on him. We decided to seperate when my daughter was 17 months. Having very little family with no support, even temporarily, I went to live with a friend from high school who (after i had been living there i discovered) she was dating B's brother. This made me think it was some sort of “sign” (I was naive) that possibly B and I should try. But it was then that I discovered that B had relapsed and become a meth addict & was living the lifestyle that came with it. His family urged I stay away, because my presence might upset the mothers of his other 4 children. Shortly after that, he ended up in jail for drugs and child support. He has been in and out ever since, so I hear. Now that he's been out for about a year, he got my phone number through my mother. This is the reason I know he still sells because she's become one of his “customers” while we were dating. Disgusting, I know. Anyhow, he now calls constantly. I answered the first time because the number had come from my old Pennsylvania area code. He threatens to take custody & take me to court. My daughter is now 5. Has never met him, besides while he was drugged up (although I got her out of there immediately). And he has never tied to contact her until now. Although, he claimed he tried weekly while in jail. He says he has a job & wants to be in her life. I am now engaged, my daughter is incredibly happy with our little family & we're expecting a second child. My fiance is established, takes care of us both while im am finishing up my RN degree. E said he would sign for the adoption (he is on the birth cert) after we marry. Though I am aware I have to write B's name too for contact during that procedure. My questions are:
    1)What are the odds of B getting any type of custody
    2)Would he qualify as unfit
    3)How would this impede the step parent adoption process, though thats far down the time line

    I am worried that exposure to him would completely undermine all that I have been striving to protect my child from. Drug use and selling, lifestyle instability, multiple partners, incarceration & the “grime” and “hood glamour” of how he's living. Although he has already expressed he does not want to go to court, he said he would if I dont let him know his child.

    Sorry so long....
    Thanks in advance

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Fiance Wants to Adopt, Bio Father Not on Birth Cert, Best Friend is

    You absolutely NEED an attorney.

    Adoption is never a DIY process and you seem to have a couple of complicating factors.

    You basically committed fraud in having E sign paternity papers when you both knew he couldn't be the father.

    Hence - you need an attorney.

    I'll answer your basic questions though as best I can:

    1. If he petitions the court and requests a paternity test and the test proves him to be Dad, then yes. He can eventually get some type of custody and visitation.

    2. You decided he was fit to be Dad and until you can show the court that he's not, the court will agree with your decision. What you've said here does not seem to fit the criteria.

    3. If B is declared the legal father, after a court-ordered paternity test, there's no way a stepparent adoption will take place without HIS consent.

  3. #3

    Default Re: Fiance Wants to Adopt, Bio Father Not on Birth Cert, Best Friend is

    Thanks for your response so quickly
    yeah, im definitely in a situation here.
    For my #2 question, i wanted to know if the bio father (B) would be found unfit once he were to possibly ask for custody, visitation etc.. He's a well documented convict & drug abuser & seller who denied she existed @ birth and for over 5 years. Which is why i believe he said he'd really not rather go to court over this.
    E and I are still good friends (it turns our he's gay) not that that matters, but he wants me to go thru w the adoption asap so he can sign consent. This is something i dont want to consider as i can forsee all that falling apart in the end...
    Aside from that, when E signed the acknowledgment of paternity, we accepted that all responsibility be his, looking back i fully understand that thats fraud, but at the time, B wouldnt accept or sign & we wanted to protect our little one. E had a great job, insurance etc..

    I just wanna get an idea of the outcome... i cant imagine my 5yo spending time in that drug, prostitute, crime infested area. My oldest brother was murdered one block from where he's currently residing, though i guess thats not relevant either....

    Again, thank a million

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Fiance Wants to Adopt, Bio Father Not on Birth Cert, Best Friend is

    Quote Quoting inapickle1511
    View Post
    Thanks for your response so quickly
    yeah, im definitely in a situation here.
    For my #2 question, i wanted to know if the bio father (B) would be found unfit once he were to possibly ask for custody, visitation etc.. He's a well documented convict & drug abuser & seller who denied she existed @ birth and for over 5 years. Which is why i believe he said he'd really not rather go to court over this.

    In all honesty the standard of "fit" parenting is incredibly low. Unless you can prove that he has abused the child, is a convicted serial killer, regularly drops children into tubs of boiling oil or the like....the court will not declare him "unfit".

    As far as his convictions go, they will count for very little - if anything - unless you can prove that they constitute a current and direct threat to the child's welfare.

    Sorry, but that's the reality.


    E and I are still good friends (it turns our he's gay) not that that matters, but he wants me to go thru w the adoption asap so he can sign consent. This is something i dont want to consider as i can forsee all that falling apart in the end...

    Well, considering the fact that you're not yet married adoption is something of a non-issue. You'd generally need to have been married for a year before you can attempt a stepparent adoption


    Aside from that, when E signed the acknowledgment of paternity, we accepted that all responsibility be his, looking back i fully understand that thats fraud, but at the time, B wouldnt accept or sign & we wanted to protect our little one. E had a great job, insurance etc..

    I just wanna get an idea of the outcome... i cant imagine my 5yo spending time in that drug, prostitute, crime infested area. My oldest brother was murdered one block from where he's currently residing, though i guess thats not relevant either....

    Again, thank a million

    No, it's not relevant hon. I do feel your concern, and I understand it.

    But the law is quite clear about these things. If B wants to file to establish paternity he may have standing to do so.

    If that's the case, and his paternity is established, he'll likely get at the very least visitation. It would generally be supervised and graduated at first, with an introductory period. Then, he'd likely be able to get joint legal custody with regular visitation.

    Any stepparent adoption would have to involve him too. And again if he didn't agree you'd have to convince the court that it would be in the child's best interest.

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