Ok, well that at least takes the idea of a stepfather/figure out of the equation.
Now, this bit is probably going to seem harsh. But you need to hear it, so put on your big boy pants, sit down and listen.
You need to adopt a different mindset. You're still in the "I hope she sees it
my way" train of thought and you need to let that go - like yesterday.
Because at this point, you need to be seeing it
her way, not vice versa. You have to understand that you have been completely and utterly AWOL for 12 years. Why should she even entertain your opinion? You haven't made any effort to see your son. You've made no effort to be involved in his life.
Yet here you are, talking about what
you think should happen, how
you think she should react....you see where I'm going here?
This isn't about you. At all. It really isn't.
In very simple terms, you need to be kissing her butt and praying that she'll talk to you. THEN you need to be praying that the court will entertain any petition for visitation and custody.
But more importantly, you need to be forgetting about yourself and focusing on what's honestly in your son's best interest. No more of this boohooing about how you haven't been around and last year was so hard and everyone had babies and oh my god now you feel like being a father. How the heck do you think your son has felt all of these years?
He needed a father 12 years ago.
If you want to step up to the plate, good for you. But realize that you're not going to be doing it on your terms.
At all.
(see now? That wasn't that bad, was it? You're still standing, right?

)