Child Suffering Injuries At His Mother's House

[mrshiggins]

Over the past year my step son has been getting constantly hurt at his mothers house. It's nothing she is doing to him (no abuse) but more of neglect I guess.

I know boys will be boys and kids get hurt... but with him over at her house, it's like an everytime event.

My husband and I were talking about it, because we got a phone call and a text from step son showing his newest injury, and we have come to realize that the ratio of him getting hurt with us versus her is dramatically different. It's like 75% of the visits with her, he comes home and something is wrong. About 25% with us, he will get hurt even though he is with us the majority of the time.

Note that with us, he plays baseball and has been hit by a pitch about 4 times along with sliding into bases constantly. And step son isn't a homebody; he does go outside and plays with his bike, scooter, skateboard (which he is teaching himself how to board), swimming, running, etc.

My husband is primary and the mom and him share custody about 70/30.

Last year when there was a court date, my husband brought this to the attention of the courts, but mom had an excuse for every one of them. And it seemed like the mediator forgave her of all of these negligences (sunburned to almost blisters, bruises on butt, scratches on butt, twisted ankles, bruises on back and hurt shoulder blades, constipation, diarreah, excessively tired, etc.)

What should my husband do? It's not particularly moms fault, but if he doesn't get hurt with us nearly as often as with mom, what does that say?

My husband was thinking of waiting out the summer to see if anything else like this happens again and again and then take action afterwards. He was thinking (not knowing the lingo or anything) of filing for a modification due to negligence on moms part.

Oh I should add, this time he scratched up his face pretty bad. There was a gash on his eyelid, that wrapped around from his forehead to the middle of his face on the left side. He had a big gash on his shoulder and bruises on his thigh, hip and butt. He was also sunburned again. He told us that moms boyfriend was supposed to be watching him and putting sunblock on him but he was busy. So it's like mom is never there...

[Mr. Knowitall]

How old is the child?

How did he get the "gash" on his eyelid? How did he get the "big gash" on his shoulder? What medical treatment did he require for his injuries - and I'm not talking about band-aids or other home solutions. What about any of the other claimed injuries - what medical treatment was required?

How is it his mom's fault if he gets constipated or gets diarrhea?

[jk]

how old is the child and what has he said about the injuries?

[mrshiggins]

Child is 9 years old, going to be 10 at the end of summer.
He got these injuries by tripping over a ramp and rolling down a hill and hitting his face on another ramp, or something like that.
Mom didn't take child to the doctor when it happened, even though dad mentioned it to her. By the time step son came back into my husbands hands, the cuts and gashes were starting to scab up. I had thought of taking him to the dr because of the eyelid one, and though maybe he would need stitches, but I have had experience before that if you don't get stitches right away, then it's too late.
The constipation and diarrhea is due to mom not giving him water and/or feeding him crap food. When he gets back from her house, we have him drink poweraid and gatorade along with some water... that usually does the trick. And step son has a very very sensitive stomach with crap foods...
I am just thinking neglect, that's all.
ETA: thanks for changing the title!

[LawResearcherMissy]

Child is 9 years old, going to be 10 at the end of summer.
He got these injuries by tripping over a ramp and rolling down a hill and hitting his face on another ramp, or something like that.

How was his Mom supposed to prevent this? Not let him go play? It really is impossible to shield kids from every scrap of harm.

Kiddo is at an age where scrapes and bruises are pretty much a fact of life - 10 year-olds are rather exuberant about play, and kind of klutzy. Not every scrape is going to be worthy of a doctor visit, most are fine with bacitracin and a band-aid. If an injury needs stitched, I promise, you'll know. Learned that pretty quickly with my own rough and tumble sons, one of whom is such a klutz that they know him in the ER.

We have a pretty long-running joke in our family that my SIL is a menace to children. Every time Younger Monster visited with her, he came home with a new bump or scrape or splinter or blister. His Aunt wasn't neglecting him. Rather, she was doing things like teaching him how to dive in the pool, or letting him help garden, or letting him play tag or football or go skateboarding with his cousins. Kids get banged up. It happens.

The constipation and diarrhea is due to mom not giving him water and/or feeding him crap food. When he gets back from her house, we have him drink poweraid and gatorade along with some water... that usually does the trick. And step son has a very very sensitive stomach with crap foods...
I am just thinking neglect, that's all.

If letting kids eat junk food was neglectful, most American children would be in foster care.

Neglect is letting a child stew in his own filth, or not provide any food at all. Letting a kid go outside and play rough and tumble, and stuff himself full of Doritos and soda on the weekend is not neglect.

[mamabear2102003]

Have to agree with LRM. Our children are the same way. We've had legs scraped and bruised from knee to hip (riding a bike with no hands isn't real bright on a gravel drive), heads knocked from riding over ramps, ankles twisted from chasing frisbees, and ER visits from a jump across a trail to 'scare' mom (it worked! lol). In January, our up and coming chef amputated his fingertip while cutting up meat (he's 16, and I was standing right there).

Kids are amazingly resilient, and as fast as they heal from one thing, they are right back out that to try something else new. They have to try something at least twice, and the more scary it is for the parents, the better they like it. My now older son loves to skateboard, and in younger years, this resulted in broken fingers, messed up knee, badly bruised shoulder, and numerous 'road rash' injuries, and that was all in the course of ONE summer!

Sounds to me like your step son is just a go getter, and has little fear. Perhaps when he's at home with you, you are just a bit more protective than mom is at her house, but this doesn't equate to neglect.

[ealexdixon]

I agree with LawResearcherMissy's reply, and in addition to the nutrition comment:

The constipation and diarrhea is due to mom not giving him water and/or feeding him crap food. When he gets back from her house, we have him drink poweraid and gatorade along with some water... that usually does the trick. And step son has a very very sensitive stomach with crap foods...
I am just thinking neglect, that's all.
ETA: thanks for changing the title!

I know plenty of people, including myself, that don't typically drink water on a regular basis and have no problems with constipation or diarrhea. If the child's stomach is as sensitive as you say, then he needs to have it documented by a doctor and have a treatment plan provided (i.e., child needs to drink X ounces of water per day, or child needs to take X medication). Otherwise, his diet while at his biological mother's house is an insignificant point in the eyes of the court.

Keep in mind that what you may view as "crap foods", someone else may not view the same way. Our diets have a lot to do with how were raised and how educated we are on foods. The best thing you can do for you child is to teach him to make informed decisions when eating. He's almost 10 years old, he should know what foods could be considered healthy and unhealthy, and I'm sure his mother isn't taking him to McDonald's every day forcing him to eat Happy Meals.

[jk]

and I would add:

at 9, almost 10 years of age, the boy should not have any trouble getting his own glass of water. Unless the other parent or their spouse is prohibiting him from drinking water, sounds like the boy is the one causing the hydration issues.