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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Posts
    4

    Default Trying to Agree on Visitation

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Wyoming


    Good day all,

    I will try to give as many details as possible with my situation. Any and all help or advice is appreciated.

    I (father) am the custodial parent of our 2 children ages 12 and 16.

    Mother has visitation rights under the decree. The decree states that we must agree on dates and times for dropping the kids off and picking them up. There are no set dates. It also states that each parent is to share equally in the cost.

    Mother and I lived in different states at time of divorce.

    Mother has lived with her parents and not worked in the last 3 years and has no car. 3 years ago she asked me to come get the kids to live with me because living with her parents wasn't a good situation and because she had no job.

    She was ordered to pay $50 a month in child support for the kids. She has paid nothing.

    Mother moved to another state several months back making the travel even further away. The distance between us is 1200 miles now. According to the decree we are to give notice to the courts and other parent of a out of state move 30 days prior to the move happening. She has done neither and refuses to give me her address when I ask.

    Mother talks to me and wants the kids in a week saying that is the only time they can be picked up. She told me her parents are traveling this way for a court hearing and would pick the kids up and take them back. BUT she told me I have to travel all the way to where she is to pick them up. I told her I could not drive 2400 miles on my 2 days off from work, that we need to meet half way. She told me she cant meet me half way, for me to pick the kids up because they don't have the funds to do that.

    I am sticking to half way because I feel that is what is fair.

    I don't like the fact that the grandparents are picking them up. I feel I should be meeting the mother. She says she cant come cause she has to take care of a dog.

    She tells me if they don't go this weekend then they don't go at all and I'm keeping the kids from visiting her.

    Other change of events. The kids have informed me they want to live with her now. I asked why they want to live with her and they told me because they hate the schools and teachers here and they like their friends better there. They have never lived where she is. They tell their mom its because I get on to them and expect them to do chores. They have never lived where she is. I told them it's in their best interest to stay living with me. The next day after they tell me they want to live with her they are talking to me about what sports they want to play here and the next years school year. The mother has informed them to go stand at the judges door and tell him that they want to live with her.

    I know the mother bad mouths me (can't do anything about). She has already told the kids if they don't visit it is my fault and because I wouldn't let them come. I have sat them down and told them we have to agree on things. They kids told me that is stupid. She has also told them I only want them so I don't have to pay child support, That I really don't want them it's to make her suffer. I mean it's free to take care of kids these days when they live with you.

    So my questions.

    Is a week reasonable notice for expecting such a trip (1200 miles round trip) to drop the kids off?

    If I don't agree to the only week SHE says her parents can do it am I in violation?

    Shouldn't she be the one that is picking the kids up and dropping them off not the parents?

    I will not send them if I don't get an address. Is this wrong of me?

    Just one last note. The kids informed me that their mom is going to take them 6 hours to yet another state from where she lives so they can visit some friends. Funny she can do that but not meet me half way. Can she even take them to the other state without me agreeing?

    Again any advice and help would be welcomed. I know the best advice would be to talk to an attorney which I have done. I was informed to follow the decree, which I am trying to do.

  2. #2

    Default Re: Trying to Agree on Visitation

    A couple of questions. Is the decree in your current state? If not, have you considered having it transferred to the children's state of residence?

    If the current court order says that you have to agree, then I don't see how you can be held in violation for anything, especially since you don't even have an address of the place they are going to be staying. As a parent, that would be my first concern. If she objects, she will have to file against you in court in order for anything to be done, is this a likely possibility?

    Mom has several things currently working against her. First of all, it's not going to do any good for the kids to stand at a judge's door and tell them where they want to live (especially given the circumstances). Second of all, I would have to agree that giving a weeks notice for a trip of that distance would be frowned upon by the judge (since most employers require a MIN of two weeks notice, and in a lot of cases, 30 days on time off requests). I really don't think (I could be wrong) that an excuse of having to watch a dog therefore, I'm unavailable, is gonna fly either.

    There are many atty's that offer low/no cost consults, and it would be a good idea to call one to see where you stand. Good Luck!

    ETA: I just read the 'follow the decree' statement. Well, it says that you have to agree. LOL I think that I'd be talking to another atty.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Posts
    4

    Default Re: Trying to Agree on Visitation

    Thanks for the reply mamabear.

    The decree is in the state the children and I reside in.

    Something else against the mother - She was a failure to appear for the divorce hearing. Also she filed no response when she was served.

    As far as agreeing the lawyer said I cant deny her visitation which I don't want to do. That is what he meant by follow the decree. I was also told if I don't get an address don't send them which I won't do.

    I think she does'nt want to give me the address because she is hiding from something. When she was served by the sheriff it took them 2 months to serve her. At one point she called me and asked if I was having her served by the sheriff. Once I told her yes she called them and signed for the papers.

    I didn't think standing at a judges door would get them any where. Funny thing is they mention they want to live with her when they get into trouble and are disiplined.

  4. #4

    Default Re: Trying to Agree on Visitation

    First of all, the comments below aren't coming from a legal eagle, just from common sense and experience.

    From the sounds of it, you're doing fine. You aren't denying her visitation, you're telling her that it can't be on this date with these terms (no addy, short notice, etc). If she wants to argue the point, she will need to file in the court of record, and actually show up (or be represented by counsel)... which sounds unlikely (especially given three years of unpaid support). Failure to appear for the divorce hearing really doesn't mean much, especially with most states having no fault. The atty that you spoke to wasn't telling you to disobey the court order, sounds like he was telling you to make sure that she lived up to her end as well.

    How long has it been since mom sought visitation with the kids? Does she have regular contact? It's quite normal for a child to threaten to 'live' elsewhere when they don't like the rules at home, so that's pretty much out of the question. If mom wants to motion the court for custody modification, great, she can go for it, but to simply tell the kids to talk to the judge isn't gonna fly. I'm sorry that you're experiencing turmoil, but listen to your atty and punt. (Hmmm, might be a good thing to keep a journal of all the event's, including emails, letters, phone calls etc. Better safe than sorry.)

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Posts
    4

    Default Re: Trying to Agree on Visitation

    Last visit for the kids was last summer. After being with her for a week and a half she sent them home. The reason is because her dad was trying to fight (fist fight) with our oldest son. This is who she still lives with.

    She talks to the kids nightly but its almost always to bad mouth and coach them on how to get to move with her. This is what has been going on for the last month. Before that their relationship was hit and miss. Some times they would talk to her and other times they would tell her to get screwed. The bad mouthing me is the thing that bothers me the most because 99% of what is said is untrue.

    I do keep journals and logs of everything. I even keep grocery logs due to her accusing me of not providing food for them. Everything is paid with my Visa debit for record.

    The lawyer mentioned there is a clause in my decree that says she can not even open a case unless there is a substantial change in circumstances.

    Again thanks for the help. Some times the best help is just talking about things.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    California
    Posts
    397

    Default Re: Trying to Agree on Visitation

    I would simply tell her that you can't do that. You would like an address where they will be staying and a working phone number. You need to have her meet you half way both time.
    If she doens't like that, then tell her to kick rocks and file in court; which sounds like she own't do.
    When/if she does, file for a more precise visitation plan and enforcement of child support.
    As for the kids... let them talk. They are trying to use you against each other. If I were you, the next time they said that, I would just state that what they are doing is disrepsectful. Mostly the 16 year old, who should know better and probably has a better grip on what is going on and what the mother is like.
    Don't worry over this. You have done nothing wrong and asking for an address and more notice and a little flexibility on her part isn't going to kill you in court... if it gets that far.
    ETA: have your children been in therapy. That might be a good thing to think about given their disrespectfulness and all. (If that's a word

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Posts
    4

    Default Re: Trying to Agree on Visitation

    Well Im tired of seeing the kids suffer by their mom pumping their heads full of crap.

    Last night my 16 year old son told me he doesnt love me that he hates me. When asked why he is saying that he told me because his mom told him that I really dont want them that I have them to make her suffer and to not pay for child support. He also told me because I wont let them see her.

    Tonight I confronted the mom about the allegations. She told me they were true that she did in fact say those things ( I have her on recording saying this ).

    So I am giving in and letting my kids go this weekend. I cant stand by and let them take the abuse any longer. They are not going to listen to me at all. So I guess they have to go find out for them selves. It is absolutely tearing me up inside that she has done this to them. But If I fight it any longer who knows what she is going to put them through. I feel this is the best for them at this point.

    This does not mean I have given up. It will allow me some alone time to take my next steps. Hopefully the mom can grow up and realize the best for the kids is to discuss things with me and us work together.

    Thanks everyone for the advice. Please keep it coming with the new updates.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Posts
    201

    Default Re: Trying to Agree on Visitation

    Just realize how intelligent YOUR parents became as you got older. It hurts now (my 8 yo pulls the whole "I want to live with daddy") but one day they will see and understand. Stand your ground and let her pull all of the court stuff. You may wish to think about court while they are gone to limit contact so she will stop the mental abuse of the kids.

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