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  1. #1
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    Jun 2010
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    Default Change Temporary Custody Order

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: IL

    My daughter has lived with an emotionally abusive husband for 6 years and is the process of getting a divorce. His abuse has done so many things to her...she has texted several guys just looking for any kind of positive attention. They've split before but he hounded her with guilt about their son (4) to get he back.

    This man is in the military and has been formally diagnosed with PTSD. He took their son from daycare and ran off with him after filing an Order of Protection against her. It's full of lies, but in IL judges tend to give them out "just in case." He dropped the OP when the court date came up.

    He was awarded temporary physical custody and she got visitation and joint custody. He is still trying to control her, yelling at her and calling names in front of their son when there are visitation hand-offs, calling her on her cell and telling her she'll never get custody because he has print-outs of her texts.

    We have a lawyer and are thinking about a No Contact or Restraining Order against him due to his actions. In the month he has had their son, he has not had him for a single weekend. She keeps him 2 nights a week as well. Now he wants to change his preschool, which he loves and thrives on. My daughter does not agree but he threatens to pull him out anyway.

    The constant verbal abuse is taking it's toll. She is seeing a therapist to help with that and has been for awhile. He says he's going to use that fact, along with the text messages, to get sole custody of their son. She is scared to death of him. He has already said he will not cooperate with mediation, even though it is court ordered. He is really ramping up the rage and I worry for her and our grandson.

    Can anyone tell me if he has a chance of getting our grandson? Do you think there's any way we can get the temporary order changed so our grandson is with her? He is full-time military and travels ALL of the time. Thanks for any help you can give.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Change Temporary Custody Order

    He has a good chance at retaining custody (though SOLE custody is unlikely).

    I do not see where Dad has done anything to warrant a restraining order. Yes, they are likely going to yell at each other from time to time, and yes, doing it in front of kiddo is craptacular parenting but it's not enough.

    What has her attorney told her?

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
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    Default Re: Change Temporary Custody Order

    I just don't see how texting someone would prove them to be unfit to be a custodial parent. We are working closely with the lawyer to go over our options. It looks like we're gearing up for a custody fight. She has letters from her therapists saying her mental status is good. We have witnesses that will testify that he had to leave her at our house because he was going to "hurt her." She has ALWAYS been the primary caregiver for her son. The OP was bogus, as many are.

    So why do you think he would retain custody?

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Change Temporary Custody Order

    Quote Quoting worriedlady
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    I just don't see how texting someone would prove them to be unfit to be a custodial parent.

    Dad is full of it and blowing smoke about this part. Don't sweat the texts. Unless they're discussing kidnapping her child and selling the child abroad or something equally incriminating.


    We are working closely with the lawyer to go over our options. It looks like we're gearing up for a custody fight. She has letters from her therapists saying her mental status is good. We have witnesses that will testify that he had to leave her at our house because he was going to "hurt her." She has ALWAYS been the primary caregiver for her son. The OP was bogus, as many are.

    So why do you think he would retain custody?

    Because he already has physical custody - that gives him a rather large boost.

    Is Dad active duty, btw?

    Another thought:

    Your daughter should request that a GAL (guardian ad litem) be appointed on behalf of her son.

    Or, request a custody evaluation. Both of these will cost though.

  5. #5
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    Jun 2010
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    Default Re: Change Temporary Custody Order

    Dad is active duty. Travels all the time with an unpredictable schedule.

    I was thinking about her taking her son to a child psychologist to get a report. Would that be of any use? Also, what does a GAL do? I know they look out for the child, but does their recommendation mean a lot in court?

  6. #6
    Join Date
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    Default Re: Change Temporary Custody Order

    A GAL's recommendation carries a massive amount of weight in court as a general rule.

    It's one of way of assuring that the child's interests are the priority as opposed to it being about the parents.

    (Not saying that's the case here but as you know custody cases sadly are more commonly about which parent can screw the other parent the hardest).

    If Mom has been primary caregiver that's in her favor certainly. And the fact that Dad is active duty may be an issue for him.

    However the fact that Dad already has temp physical, is also in his favor.

    Absolutely request that the GAL is appointed, no matter what. Something tells me this Dad is going to fight this out as much as he can.

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