This SHOULD ABSOLUTELY be about the children.

This is NOT about the adults. What's in the best interests of the children should be the priority of everyone. I understand the point you're making but honestly, family court judges by far prefer mediation and agreement.

With that said, the fact of the matter is that the court would generally order everyone into mediation anyway during this type of dispute - the attorneys are doing everyone a favor by trying to get this to mediation without the judge having to order it. It saves everyone one step.

How is it that grandma is trying to get custody anyway? If you give more details it may help us help you further.