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  1. #1
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    May 2010
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    Default Mediation in a Paternity Case

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Indiana

    In a paternity cause. There are two children and Father is trying to get custody of his son and grandmother is trying to get custody of the other boy. Each have different lawyers, mother has one for a total of three lawyers. The lawyers have deceided that an appointment of a mediator to attempt to resolve the outstanding issues concerning all parties involved. They have or hope to cancel a court date where the grandmother was suppose to testify. The lawyers have selected a mediator.

    My son and the grandmother was not asked if they wanted to do this, they was not told about the cost, they do not know if they can even afford this, the lawyers just or are trying to do it.

    I thought the lawyer is suppose to ask you if you wanted to do this? If you had the money to pay for it. This really helps the mother because now the court will not hear the grandmother, also the above did not happen in court so the grandmother and my son could not say no or ask questions.

    So is it legal what the lawyers did and if so how can they commit you to paying bills that you had no say in?

    If this goes thru how do we address the issue? Not talking to the mediator and trying to force it back into court to tell the judge what happened?

    Oh yes, the lawyers said in a letter this was in the best interest of the children, the way I see it, we are paying the lawyers to represent us, not the children, thats the courts place.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Lawyers Select Mediator

    This SHOULD ABSOLUTELY be about the children.

    This is NOT about the adults. What's in the best interests of the children should be the priority of everyone. I understand the point you're making but honestly, family court judges by far prefer mediation and agreement.

    With that said, the fact of the matter is that the court would generally order everyone into mediation anyway during this type of dispute - the attorneys are doing everyone a favor by trying to get this to mediation without the judge having to order it. It saves everyone one step.

    How is it that grandma is trying to get custody anyway? If you give more details it may help us help you further.

  3. #3
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    May 2010
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    Default Re: Lawyers Select Mediator

    Your right, its about the children. The grandmother and my son want to have their say first in court before we go to the mediator and see if they can afford it. Who knows what the judge would say after hearing the grandmother tell her side. She had the kids for 5 months without the mothers help or taking them. Now of course she is the perfect mother. Also the mother is in contempt of court under the parenting guide as far as we can figure. In fact face we found out that the mother has not changed the last name on the social security card and the court ordered the name change over a year ago. We wonder if she is getting social security benefits for the boys and still collecting child support from my son under a different name. My son cannot get the name changed because he does not have access to his sons medical records as the mother will not grant access even though the parenting guidelines say shem must, she does want she wants.

    This move right now plays into the hands of the mother as she knows the grandmother and my son do not have much money and the longer she can play this out she will win.

    Thats why we figure the lawyers should have asked before going ahead and doing this behind their backs as that is what it feels like.

    Want to get back into court first.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Lawyers Select Mediator

    The judge wouldn't make a ruling simply after hearing grandmother's side; s/he would generally agree that all parties need to go into mediation.

    Frankly, grandma has a problem - a huge problem - and mediation actually might be her best bet.

    Grandparent custody cases are very, very difficult to win and usually they require that the grandparent has had the child/ren in their care for years (or at least a very good percentage of the children's lives). Five months is not generally considered a long time (though of course the ages of the kids might help decide that). Also, she's only trying to get custody of one child - why not both?

    These are, as I see them, rather large hurdles to overcome. I do not see a Judge ruling against Mom in this instance, and that's why mediation - where grandmother has the chance to persuade Mom outside of the court-room - may actually be of benefit to grandmother.

    See where I'm coming from?

    An alternative would be to stop the grandmother's suit and focus on your son's custody case.

    One other thing:

    Dad needs to be filing contempt EVERY SINGLE TIME Mom disobeys the court order.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Mediation in a Paternity Case

    Grandma has just about raised the first child who is 5 years old. Mother has issues of drug use, on SSI we believe for mental problems. Grandmother wants a life and she either gets child or moves on and then the kids will really suffer. My sons child is 2 years old. Has been to mediation before with the mother but had to drop it because of stress caused by the mother, almost lost his job also. Example, he had two weeks off and mother could not make it to a meeting, they met together, first week back to work and she could go so he had to miss half day of work. Mother controls everything and everyone, she is good at this.

    How does dad pay lawyer to file contempt charges in court everytime?

    Thats why we did not like what the lawyers did.

    Mother has no money. Greatgrandmother paying for lawyer.

    Grandmother has not worked for two years, broke.

    Son, works, has house payment , wife and 1 child and another one on the way and pays child support for his other child. In short he is all spend out yet if it works out like last time, he will end up paying for all three of them.
    Thats why we wanted to do it in court so the judge could at least hear it.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Mediation in a Paternity Case

    Dad doesn't need a lawyer to file contempt on Mom. Dad can - if he's willing to learn the local rules of procedure etc., - file himself.

    I honestly cannot see this going in Grandmother's favor. I'm sorry it's not more positive news.

    Because unless Mom is found to be unfit, she has a constitutionally protected right to parent her children. Third party custody suits are very, very difficult to win and without a decent attorney the chances are even slimmer.

    To help you understand a little bit about what may have happened without mediation:

    Judge: Grandma, you are here because you are requesting custody of Child, correct?

    Grandma: Yes.

    Judge: Mom, do you agree to Grandma having custody?

    Mom: Certainly not.

    Judge: Ok then. You'll be required to go to mediation before the matter will be heard in my courtroom again.

    Next case please.


    Grandma wouldn't even get a chance to speak.

    See where I'm going?

    Just another thought - has your son requested a GAL (guardian ad litem) be appointed?

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Mediation in a Paternity Case

    I believe the mediator is suppose to be the GAL also.

    Where would he find the forms and instructions, in simple english and not greek to speak of?

    The last time they used a mediator the judge used a term, meant very low cost but judge said first time in court, judge saw where that did not work out so would not go that way again, maybe meant using that person again?

    So how do you find out what this mediator is going to cost etc? My son cannot afford to miss much work and the mother will try to get him to lose his job because she is hooked into the system and just sucks it as dry as she can.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Mediation in a Paternity Case

    The cost of the GAL and who would be responsible for paying should have been explained when the GAL was appointed.

    This is very important - your son MUST cooperate with the GAL, because the GAL's word carries a HUGE amount of weight in court.

    Also, have your son go here:

    Indiana self-help

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Mediation in a Paternity Case

    Thats the trouble, the lawyers have setup everything, said make the mediator the guardian for the children and they want to stop the court date. At least thats what one letter said.

    How can they do this without going to court with the grandmother and my son having a say in this matter?

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Mediation in a Paternity Case

    OK.

    Whose attorney sent the letter, and what exactly happened?

    I'm not sure it's even relevant at this point because honestly, going to court PRIOR to mediation isn't going to help one bit at all...it's inevitable and frankly the judge could become quite snippy if ANY party tries to thwart an attempt at mediation.

    The attorneys know what they're doing. They see this every day. They know it's inevitable and that the judge would much prefer that an agreement is at least attempted prior to actually reviewing the case in its totality.

    Honestly, I'm not sure what your son's goal is at this point? Help me out here

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