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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Posts
    18

    Default How to Get Full Custody After a Prior Denial

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: California

    So my girlfriend and I have been dating for a year and she has a 8 year old daughter. Currently she has 50 / 50 joint custody with the father, but she has been trying to get full custody and has been unsuccessful. Next year, the 3 of us will be moving in together and my girlfriend wants to try to get full custody of her daughter, while allowing the her to go to her father's every other weekend.

    To sum it up, the father is a scumbag and even though he makes a lot of money, he has constantly proved that he is a bad influence. Last year he had my girlfriend's daughter and he "forgot" that he had her and he left her home alone while he went to work. This prompted my girlfriend to try to fight for full custody, but she was unsuccessful. The judge gave him a slap on the wrist and said he just had to complete 2 parenting courses. My girlfriend informed me that one of the courses he was suppose to complete years ago in order to even have custody yet he didn't and the courts also did nothing.

    Her daughter was recently diagnosed with a rare, but treatable form of childhood cancer. The dad hasn't gone to a single appointment except for her surgery and when the nurse was giving the discharge instructions he ignored them. She isn't suppose to be doing any physical activity for at least 90 days, but he didn't seem to care or even remotely pay attention. Furthermore, he hasn't taken her to a single doctor's appointment and said flat out that he would NEVER take her to a doctor's appointment because he's too busy- these include her follow-up cancer appointments.

    To make matters worse, the dad makes over 100k per year, but somehow he is only paying $650 per month in child support.

    What are we suppose to do in this situation? The dad just doesn't care and my girlfriend also has proof that her daughter's school grades start to slip whenever she is with her dad. I know its unlikely, but it almost sounds like he paid off the courts because what judge in their right mind would allow him to maintain 50% custody even after he left his daughter home alone?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2016
    Posts
    2,793

    Default Re: My Girlfriend is Having Custody Issues with Her Daughter

    Clearly the judge knows more about the situation than you do. If your GF has failed to get a higher percentage of parenting time than 50/50 one of two situations exist. Everything you have written above is either BS or unprovable or there is more that you don't know and/or haven't told us.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Posts
    2,284

    Default Re: My Girlfriend is Having Custody Issues with Her Daughter

    Legally you have no part in this fight. Legally you can't do anything and legally there is no "we."

    Well obviously he can't be too big of a scum bag if the judge didn't deem there to be a need in change of custody.

    "To make matters worse" and "Only" $650 a month in support? You don't think that's enough? My ex owes me $86 a month in child support and $330 for all four of his kids and none of us have gotten anything in over 2 years. So "only" $650 is something plenty would be ok with. Child support is calculated based on both parents' income. A lot of things were probably done that you weren't part of and neither were we to know how that number came to be. How is that the worst thing either that he pays "only" $650 a month?

    Yes that's it - he paid off the judge. It's all a big conspiracy against your girlfriend. Do you realize how crazy that sounds?

    California, like most states, doesn't have a law that states how old a child has to be to be left home alone. It's left up to the parents' discretion based on the maturity of the child. I'm pretty sure there were points I was home alone at 8 after school sometimes. One time leaving a child home alone isn't really the end of the world unless something dangerous happened and the parent was truly negligent.

    The grades slipping doesn't prove that it's due to her dad really. Not sure if you can prove that. The appointments - maybe if that impacted her health she can bring those up that he refuses to get her medical care that is required.

    I think you're far too involved in this and need to step back. I've been there, done that and it's not worth he headache when you legally can't do anything about this. Your girlfriend needs to go talk to a lawyer.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jul 2018
    Posts
    1,207

    Default Re: My Girlfriend is Having Custody Issues with Her Daughter

    Quote Quoting JMH
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    To make matters worse, the dad makes over 100k per year, but somehow he is only paying $650 per month in child support.
    First, this has nothing to do with custody. If your girlfriend thinks he should pay more child support, then she can seek a change in the child support order. Second, since you didn't tell us how much your girlfriend earns, saying that "he is only paying $650 per month in child support" when the parties have "50/50 joint custody" is pretty meaningless.

    Quote Quoting JMH
    View Post
    What are we suppose to do in this situation?
    You aren't "suppose[d] to do" anything. This is entirely between your girlfriend and the man with whom she chose to have a child. The court already ruled that a custody change wasn't appropriate, so, unless there has subsequently been a significant change of circumstances since that happened, there isn't anything for your girlfriend to do in that regard. She obviously should consult with a local family law attorney about all this.

    Quote Quoting JMH
    View Post
    what judge in their right mind would allow him to maintain 50% custody even after he left his daughter home alone?
    Home alone for how long? While it might not be ideal, it's not exactly unheard of for eight year old children to be left alone for while.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    231

    Default Re: My Girlfriend is Having Custody Issues with Her Daughter

    Have you considered that dad may file for full custody after you and her mother begin to live together without the benefit of marriage? That is as much as or more of an issue that most of what you have alleged.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Posts
    832

    Default Re: My Girlfriend is Having Custody Issues with Her Daughter

    None of what you said is going to be a big enough deal for custody to change. And a judge will likely start reprimanding Mom for continuing to try to take away dad's custody over little things.

    You and Mom need to accept that she chose to have a child with this man. A man who maybe isn't the best dad in the world, but is far from the worst. He could be NOT paying any child support at all like qwaspolk69's ex. Or not have even gone to the surgery like my daughter's father. He could chose to not exercise any of his parenting time at all and completely abandon the child. Why try to take away custody from someone who is utilizing their time with THEIR child?

    From the brief post you made, it seems more like mom is trying to get more money for her new and improved family and punish dad for doing things differently than she does.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    15,210

    Default Re: My Girlfriend is Having Custody Issues with Her Daughter

    Quote Quoting OKisNotOK
    View Post
    Have you considered that dad may file for full custody after you and her mother begin to live together without the benefit of marriage? That is as much as or more of an issue that most of what you have alleged.
    Not in California. Not even all that likely in the bible belt anymore.

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