So we kinda had to do what we could, ya know?
Actually we don't, and the ICE is even less understanding. Nothing prevented you from getting married without breaking the rules.

I find the story somewhat implausible unless your spouse has some prior disqualifying history (drug dealing or previous deportation).
You'd have been well advised to have specific advice before you went off and tried to run around the rules. You'll probably need legal advice now.
You should have got that AOS started as SOON as you got married rather than procrastinating further.
My suggestion is you scrape together the money for proper assistance.