For starters....Do NOTHING with the bank without the advice of an attorney. Making any deals with them could hurt you in bankruptcy if that's what you choose to do. So don't do it just yet. The bank is gonna say, and do what is their best interest, not yours. If the security of the loan is only in your husbands name, then your husband is responsible for it legally. If your not tied to it financially (with loans, etc), then don't become attached to the debt by refinancing your joint house. Hope this makes sense.

I think you need to do more research on the bankruptcy option. You can keep assets with both 7 and 13. Chapter 13 is wage dependent and if one attorney already said you can do 7 then you should consider it. Also, you can file an individual bankruptcy instead of a joint one, which if your husband ended up doing won't necessarily hurt you.
You can also consult another attorney, there are tons out there. Make sure that when/if you do talk to another/same attorney that you inform them of the options the bank gave you. They will be able to advise you if it would be in your best interest.