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  1. #1
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    Oct 2006
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    Default Re: Step-Parent Rights

    Quote Quoting cbg
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    It's overstepping for a stepparent to drive a stepchild to the doctor and receive information on behalf of the parent? Seriously?

    I'm with j/k; I think you are imagining that being authorized for HIPAA purposes gives the stepparent the right to be involved in the treatment. It does not.

    And if you do understand that and still think it's overstepping, then I think you need to get out more.
    You have the right to your opinion, I have the right to mine. However one thing is absolutely true, stepparents who get overly involved in things like medical issues and educational issues cause more problems than its worth. If my husband needed me to take a child to a medical appointment I would be on the phone to the child's mother immediately to make sure that she was ok with it as well. If she preferred to take the child herself, I would happily bow out.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Step-Parent Rights

    I see. So Mom's wishes are the only ones that matter - what Dad wants is of no consequence. Mom is entitled to have everything exactly as she likes, and if it inconveniences Dad that's just too bad.

    Got it.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Step-Parent Rights

    Quote Quoting cbg
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    I see. So Mom's wishes are the only ones that matter - what Dad wants is of no consequence. Mom is entitled to have everything exactly as she likes, and if it inconveniences Dad that's just too bad.

    Got it.
    If I were mom's husband I would still pick up the phone and talk to dad and make sure that he was ok with my taking the child to the doctor. If he preferred to do it himself I would happily bow out.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Step-Parent Rights

    You are taking things very much to ridiculous extremes.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Step-Parent Rights

    Quote Quoting cbg
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    You are taking things very much to ridiculous extremes.
    So are you. I am talking about a stepparent being courteous and respectful enough to make sure that both of the child's parents are ok with something, and you are acting almost as if that was a crime. Its seriously ok to be courteous and respectful to the other parent.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Step-Parent Rights

    The position you are taking limits the rights of one parent to make any decisions or take any action without the approval of the other parent. You're right; I don't approve of that kind of limit. It's one thing to be courteous; it's another thing altogether to to tell Parent A that they're not allowed to have their new spouse participate in the child's life in any way that Parent B has not authorized specifically, no matter what Parent A wants or finds convenient. That's hardly fair to Parent A and gives Parent B far too much power. We've seen plenty of examples right here of Parent B's who don't want Parent A, let alone Parent A's new spouse, to have any kind of authority whatsoever, for reasons that range from none at all to ridiculous. Some have had valid reasons, but most are frankly, just being selfish. I see no reason why Parent B should have that kind of control.

    It's also unfair to the child, who will end up feeling as if they are the one making trouble. Children are self-centered little beasts, are very good at picking up emotions, and generally assume that they are the cause of any kind of conflict.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Step-Parent Rights

    Quote Quoting cbg
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    The position you are taking limits the rights of one parent to make any decisions or take any action without the approval of the other parent. You're right; I don't approve of that kind of limit. It's one thing to be courteous; it's another thing altogether to to tell Parent A that they're not allowed to have their new spouse participate in the child's life in any way that Parent B has not authorized specifically, no matter what Parent A wants or finds convenient. That's hardly fair to Parent A and gives Parent B far too much power. We've seen plenty of examples right here of Parent B's who don't want Parent A, let alone Parent A's new spouse, to have any kind of authority whatsoever, for reasons that range from none at all to ridiculous. Some have had valid reasons, but most are frankly, just being selfish. I see no reason why Parent B should have that kind of control.

    It's also unfair to the child, who will end up feeling as if they are the one making trouble. Children are self-centered little beasts, are very good at picking up emotions, and generally assume that they are the cause of any kind of conflict.
    I am not talking about Parent B demanding that the stepparent have nothing to do with the child without Parent B's permission. I am talking about the stepparent having enough respect and courtesy to NOT do certain things without making sure that both parents are on board with it. In the first scenario Parent B is being overly controlling. In the second scenario the stepparent is directly causing better co-parenting by voluntarily showing respect and courtesy.

    I will give a prime example from my own life. When my daughter was 12 my ex's girlfriend (who worked in a hair salon) colored my daughter's hair after I had expressly told my daughter that she couldn't dye her hair. I felt that she was too young to start that cycle. When I expressed my displeasure to my ex, his girlfriend seriously apologized to me and stated she would never have done it if she knew I had said no. Her apology set a tone between her and I of mutual respect. It would have been better if she had checked with me first, but the apology made up for it.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Step-Parent Rights

    Quote Quoting llworking
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    You have the right to your opinion, I have the right to mine. However one thing is absolutely true, stepparents who get overly involved in things like medical issues and educational issues cause more problems than its worth. If my husband needed me to take a child to a medical appointment I would be on the phone to the child's mother immediately to make sure that she was ok with it as well. If she preferred to take the child herself, I would happily bow out.

    What if the mother wasn’t available but she didn’t want the step mother to take the child to the doctors office?

    There is a huge difference between a step parent usurping the other parents position and simply acting like a blended family making life work.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
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    Default Re: Step-Parent Rights

    OP, what would your daughter do regarding her new spouse? Would she exclude him/her from participation in the same activities from which she expects the child's father's new spouse to be excluded. What is expected of one new partner should apply to the other's new partner. She should be careful of her demands because they may come back to haunt her.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
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    Default Re: Step-Parent Rights

    Granny was the OP. My question for her is whether she ever took the grandchild to the doctor or was in the room with her daughter and child during a visit - including in the ER. A stepparent has more reason to be involved with the health care of a child than a grandparent.

    I certainly hope granny is not on the HIPPA or any other medical information or care form if her daughter does not want stepmother on the same.

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