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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2018
    Posts
    8

    Default Ex- is Not Cooperative During the Divorce Process

    My question involves a marriage in the state of: Georgia

    I am going through a contested, drawn out divorce (filed a year ago). She is the Defendant, and we have no kids. She wants medical bill payment and permanent alimony.

    We had a hearing in May, the outcome of which I was ordered the following until Discovery for both sides has been completed:
    - Temporary monthly alimony, which I have paid up
    - Also: "Plaintiff shall continue to provide health insurance for the Defendant. Plaintiff shall be responsible for any out-of-pocket uncovered medical expenses incurred by the Defendant from January 2018 until further order of this Court. The parties are ordered to cooperate with one another in insuring these bills are paid and in any efforts to reduce the out-of-pocket amount owed."

    She has not been cooperative with me. I tried to contact her in the initial months after the May hearing to see about bills, and she has only sent me 3. She paid one before she sent it to me. I paid another. The 3rd bill was not cleared by my attorney, so it has gone unpaid. She has more, but she hasn't sent them to me. I told her she needs to do so. My attorney said not to beg her for them.

    She has not been cooperative with her attorney either. We had until August to complete Discovery, and she has not provided sufficient documents or sufficient Interrogatories answers (not signed under Oath). My attorney filed a Motion to Compel and requested temporary alimony and medical bill payment be suspended. Her attorney has submitted a Notice of Withdrawal of Counsel and now a Motion for an Order Permitting Withdrawal of Counsel.

    The judge has not answered any motions as of yet.

    After her attorney put in his motions to withdraw, she started communicating with me more and more after a while of not hearing from her. She is asking what the plan is about settling the bills, of which I already told her. She is asking what the plan is to reimburse her for bills already paid. Neither my attorney nor I understand that the Judge's order includes reimbursement. It talks about *bill* payment. I've told her all of this, and the tone and frequency of her emails has become harassing, threatening, argumentative and annoying - far from cooperative. I told my attorney about her emails, and he said to just pay the alimony and don't communicate with her at all. Once her attorney is off the case, she will have to deal directly with him.

    She sent another email last night, however, that has included more insults and now name calling, and even more threats. She says that I have until Monday to lay out a plan to reimburse her and pay the bills, or she will have her attorney step in and file against me in Contempt of court.

    I want to let my attorney know about the latest email, but he has recently told me to dial back our communication or he will be charging me beyond the retainer fee, which I cannot afford. So, I don't want to bother him. He told me only in emergencies or if something relevant happens.

    I live paycheck to paycheck, with no savings, and kids to take care of (not from her). The alimony payment has been hefty and has forced some of my own bills to go unpaid, along with other marital debt. So I can't pay anything else even if I wanted to.

    She, however, received a medical settlement last year of $150,000, and put down $44,000 to purchase a house this year as we found with the answers she did provide in the Interrogatories. I live in an apartment. She actually seems more well off than I am at the moment.

    What is your take on this? She and I were ordered to cooperate and take care of her bills, but it's difficult to do so with her insults and threats, and she hasn't given me much. She accuses me of trying to get out of paying what I owe.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    38,867

    Default Re: Ordered to Cooperate, but She is Not

    Plaintiff shall be responsible for any uncovered out of pocket expenses

    why do you believe her paying the bill initially abrogates your responsibility in the order? It doesn’t.

    Also you refusing to pay what seems tk also be an uncovered out of pocket medical expense appears to be in violation of the order.

    Start with paying the money the order says you owe. Then tell her to send the bills you owe so you can pay them. If she refuses, wait until she does.

    Yes it does appear you are trying to get out of what the court says you owe

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Oct 2018
    Posts
    8

    Default Re: Ordered to Cooperate, but She is Not

    Okay, but if she doesn't send me the bills and doesn't want to cooperate, what am I supposed to do? Is it irrelevant that she is being verbally abusive and insulting during this process? And that her own attorney doesn't even want to work with her, and is withdrawing from the case?

    The temporary order was made without taking into account my financial situation or even knowing the whole story. She had originally asked for $1,000/month in alimony, bill payment, lawyers fees, and more, and I asked for nothing. The judge appeared to just meet down the middle, and for only during the period of Discovery, which she has not been compliant with. I wish I could squat and produce dollar bills, but I may just need to file bankruptcy. I don't know.

    I'm not trying to get myself in contempt of court. I'm doing what I've been advised by my attorney thus far, and hopefully that doesn't land me in trouble. If I don't have to pay her any more than I have to, then obviously that is a preference - as I have 2 children who could use that money better than this older woman who has already taken a lot from us.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    38,867

    Default Re: Ordered to Cooperate, but She is Not

    You can’t pay bills you aren’t aware of so don’t worrry about them until they are sent. Until then comply with the court’s order and pay the bills you are aware of.

    If you failed to defend your financial position compared to hers, well, you See where you are. The good thing: this is a temporary order.

    Her being verbally abusive is irrelevent. You can simply not talk to her. Tell her to send communications via email

    your attorney has infinitely more knowledge of the situation than I so I highly suggest you listen to your lawyer

    but I see no reason you haven’t paid the two bills in question

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Oct 2018
    Posts
    8

    Default Re: Ordered to Cooperate, but She is Not

    Okay.

    My attorney failed to defend my financial position.

    I miswrote - there have been no 'verbal' communications. Her words were all sent via text/email and documented.

    As for reimbursing. She has neither presented to me nor the court which bills she has paid. All I have to go off of is her word on which bills she paid. How am I supposed to trust her on a "reimbursement payment plan" when she hasn't shown anything at all? This is a woman who had me "paying on her car" after she had used her settlement money to completely pay it off.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    38,867

    Default Re: Ordered to Cooperate, but She is Not

    She doesn’t have to pay the bills first. All she has to present you with is a non covered medical bill. You owe her that. Be sure to keep records so if she claims you didn’t pay a bill you can prove you paid it to her. If she failed to pay the provider with the money you paid her, it’s on her.

    And if there have been no verbal communications, I’m having a hard time seeing anything as abusive. You can simply stop reading.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Sep 2017
    Posts
    495

    Default Re: Ordered to Cooperate, but She is Not

    Don't pay her for any bill that you haven't been given. She is responsible to give you a bill and you are responsible to pay it when you receive it.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    16,474

    Default Re: Ordered to Cooperate, but She is Not

    Quote Quoting PMMH
    View Post
    Don't pay her for any bill that you haven't been given. She is responsible to give you a bill and you are responsible to pay it when you receive it.
    However, just to be clear and to reiterate what JK said, if she has already paid the bill, you reimburse here. If she has not already paid the bill, you can pay it directly to the care provider.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Oct 2018
    Posts
    8

    Default Re: Ordered to Cooperate, but She is Not

    Quote Quoting llworking
    View Post
    However, just to be clear and to reiterate what JK said, if she has already paid the bill, you reimburse here. If she has not already paid the bill, you can pay it directly to the care provider.
    Okay. She hasn't given me an amount to reimburse her for, nor has she sent any more bills that she has paid. She just wants me to start sending her money, without having shown me these things, threatening to hold me in contempt. I reached out to the providers about the unpaid bills.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Oct 2016
    Posts
    4,301

    Default Re: Ordered to Cooperate, but She is Not

    She can't hold you in contempt (at least not with any legal consequent), only the court can do that. And a court will not do that for a bill you have never seen.

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