My Boyfriend is a Felon - How Can This Affect Custody in My Divorce

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Michigan - My current boyfriend has a possession of a concealed weapon being a fire arm. He did not have the correct paperwork for the fire arm he had in his possession because it was stolen. He served a 60 day jail term with 2 years of probation. It has been almost ten years since the incident. I have not been living with my soon to be ex for nine months and i have been with my current boyfriend for two months. My soon to be ex has a warrant out for his arrest for back child support, and currently has no job. He has a fairly clean record with traffic tickets on it only. I am currently getting help through the womens resource with housing because I had to leave. Currently we share custody of the three kids who are 12,8,5. My question is how would my boyfriends past record effect the outcome of the custody part of my divorce? I want full custody of my kids.

This is all assumptions but: I would think that unless the ex or his lawyer knows your current bf's record, there is no way for that to affect your case. Since the ex has a record (even as little as not paying child support) that'll only benefit you. I'm sure that you will be primary care giver to the children, but you need to show stability.

I do have a question though: why do you feel that the father of the kids shouldn't have any custody of the kids? Has he been abusive? Neglectful? What is sounds to me is that you are just really being vengeful... instead of seeing what is best for your children.

Most likely, unless the father is totally unfit, he will possbily get up to 50/50... otherwise either every weekend or every other weekend.

I highly suggest you get on your own two feet and not be so closely associated with your bf only because if something else happens, and you children are around when/if he gets in trouble again (like a felony for illegal weapon possession)... you will lose!!

My soon to be ex is a drug addict and an alcholic. He is also verbally abusesive towards me.

I highly doubt that my current boy friend would ever get caught up in something like that again. He has way too much to lose himself. I doubt he is going to give up his job for something that stupid. He makes well over 75k a year.

Can you show he would be directly endangering the children?

Full (sole) custody is highly unlikely unless there are somewhat exceptional circumstances.

the only way your boyfriend could affect you getting custidy is if your bf is living with you. an sleeps in the same bed as you. judges now days look down on that. because you aren't married to him. it would become an issue if brought to the judges attention.an his record does come into play. if brought to the judges attention.

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Quoting PSCALES

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the only way your boyfriend could affect you getting custidy is if your bf is living with you. an sleeps in the same bed as you. judges now days look down on that. because you aren't married to him. it would become an issue if brought to the judges attention.an his record does come into play. if brought to the judges attention.

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Um...no.

This is not accurate at all.

yes what i said is very true. i went through this years ago. i brought it to the judges attention that another woman was living in his home. that he was not married to. it comes into play because the judge takes it as its not good for children to be put in this type of situation. on on that fact alone i got custidy of all three of my children. if these type of things are brought to the judges attention they become a factor in child custidy.

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Quoting PSCALES

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yes what i said is very true. i went through this years ago. i brought it to the judges attention that another woman was living in his home. that he was not married to. it comes into play because the judge takes it as its not good for children to be put in this type of situation. on on that fact alone i got custidy of all three of my children. if these type of things are brought to the judges attention they become a factor in child custidy.

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Are you seriously trying to suggest that you got custody BASED SOLELY on the fact that your ex was living with another woman? Who he wasn't married to?

Seriously?

WHEN exactly was your divorce? And which state?

in Virginia an he was married to me. like i said judges now do not go for men an woman living together when there not married. its not the inviroment an situation they want to put children into. an we were not divorced until a year later. the childrens well being is what the judge take under concideration

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Quoting PSCALES

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in Virginia an he was married to me. like i said judges now do not go for men an woman living together when there not married. its not the inviroment an situation they want to put children into. an we were not divorced until a year later. the childrens well being is what the judge take under concideration

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I can virtually guarantee you that you did NOT obtain custody based SOLELY on your husband living with someone he wasn't married to.

While it is absolutely true that the judge will decide a case based upon the best interests of the child, it is NOT necessarily true that cohabitation will be held against a parent. Even in Georgia.

Think about it. While a "no paramour" clause is often possible during the divorce proceeding, restricting the actions of one parent AFTER that proceeding just isn't happening.

it did happen an judges now days aren't saying "live with someone you can still have cusitdy" the words came out of the judges mouth based on him living with another woman that he's not married to isn't heathy or good inviroment for children to be in. both of us had good jobs an i never stopped him from seeing his children or cared that he was with someone else. when it comes to children they are very impressionable an its not healthy for them it confuses children. its ok to see someone. but in the courts eyes not living with someone your not married to is a factor with most judges

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Quoting PSCALES

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it did happen an judges now days aren't saying "live with someone you can still have cusitdy" the words came out of the judges mouth based on him living with another woman that he's not married to isn't heathy or good inviroment for children to be in. both of us had good jobs an i never stopped him from seeing his children or cared that he was with someone else. when it comes to children they are very impressionable an its not healthy for them it confuses children. its ok to see someone. but in the courts eyes not living with someone your not married to is a factor with most judges

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NO IT IS NOT.

Seriously. It's really not. If this is the case, please explain why SO many divorced folk get primary custody DESPITE the fact that they are living with someone to whom they are not married.

Look, we get that it was apparently a factor in your case. But please, do NOT imply that your case is typical - because it isn't.

I can back this up with enough case law to make Mount Kailash look tiny in comparison. You cannot do so. Please, stop implying that cohabitation is always going to be a bad thing. Or even that it will be seen negatively by MOST judges. Because frankly that is NOT the case.

I disagree with you. at the time of custidy i hadn't filed for a divorce. later on i filed for a divorce. it was the factor in custidy hearing. I do not wish to argue with you. each case may be different. it was the fact in my case. each lawyer may not choose to address this if its not brought to there attention. you need to check with the social sevice guide lines. this fact came from social sevice. because in child custidy cases there are ask to visit both parents home to gather information, to present to the courts. social sevices pointed this out upon there visit.

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Quoting PSCALES

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I disagree with you. at the time of custidy i hadn't filed for a divorce. later on i filed for a divorce. it was the factor in custidy hearing. I do not wish to argue with you. each case may be different. it was the fact in my case. each lawyer may not choose to address this if its not brought to there attention. you need to check with the social sevice guide lines. this fact came from social sevice. because in child custidy cases there are ask to visit both parents home to gather information, to present to the courts. social sevices pointed this out upon there visit.

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You can disagree until we're both blue in the face, hon. The fact remains, I can provide mountains of case law indicating that you are, frankly, wrong.

I'm almost tempted to ask why social services were involved.

They are NOT involved in most divorce/custody cases. Unless, of course, there is a reason....

Your ex being abusive towards you doesn't mean anything in regards to custody. Unless the ex has been abusive and the child has witnessed it or has been abusive towards the child, but if there were no police reports, it's a he said she said.
I hope your bf won't go back to that stuff, but with my experience with women who have come out of abusive relationships, they usually go into another abusive toxic relationship.... I've lived through it.
Either way, I'd do a "don't ask don't tell" logic with all this.

PSCALES:

WOW, that seems really not plausible. My DH's ex is living with her boyfriend and she was able to sweep on in and get joint custody in less than a year. I was not married to my DH when he received FULL custody of his child... In these days where there are many children born out of wedlock and couples together who are not married, I have to doubt this as being true.

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Quoting mrshiggins

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Your ex being abusive towards you doesn't mean anything in regards to custody. Unless the ex has been abusive and the child has witnessed it or has been abusive towards the child, but if there were no police reports, it's a he said she said.
I hope your bf won't go back to that stuff, but with my experience with women who have come out of abusive relationships, they usually go into another abusive toxic relationship.... I've lived through it.
Either way, I'd do a "don't ask don't tell" logic with all this.

PSCALES:

WOW, that seems really not plausible. My DH's ex is living with her boyfriend and she was able to sweep on in and get joint custody in less than a year. I was not married to my DH when he received FULL custody of his child... In these days where there are many children born out of wedlock and couples together who are not married, I have to doubt this as being true.

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To be perfectly honest, I'm thinking that adultery - rather than cohabitation in and of itself - was perhaps the point in PSCALES' posts. When a couple is formally separated it isn't much of an issue at all but in some states it IS true that adultery can impact custody decisions.

However, "adultery" is NOT synonymous with "cohabitation".

Which was part of my point ;)

It's entirely possible that it was the adultery - not the cohabitation - which was a deciding factor in PSCALES' case.

In the state of Virginia at your first hearing the judge ask for social services to investagate an each parent to attend parenting class and the judge appoints a gardian at liem for the child which he looks out for the child. after those are completed you go back to court. this doesn't mean either of the parents are doing anything wrong. This is done to protect the child. upon the reports given to the judge an hearing from all three lawyers is a dission given. an the report from social services. the judge then grants custidy. This is the way the judges are in the state of Virginia. In my case it had nothing to do with divorce because one hadn't been filed. social services said its not best for the child to be in the home with him not being married to the woman whom he was living with. Its not heathy for the child. It had nothing to do with him commiting adultrey. Like I said check with your local social services for more information on that. An when I did file for divorce him being with another woman never came into play we both agreed there for there was no disagreement. we didn't have any hard feelings. we both acted like adults. we have never went back for custidy again the order is still in place. Each state may not use social services to assit in custidy. But as for Virginia they do.

Well gee, that didn't happen in either my neighbor's Virginia divorce, nor his sister's Virginia divorce.

Do you understand that what happened in your case may NOT be typical? You cannot speak for every judge, every case and every county in Virginia. In many districts a GAL is ONLY appointed if the parents request one is appointed and social services are never involved at all unless there has been PRIOR issue.

Understand?

(and parenting classes are NOT automatically ordered, either)

its the way Virginia JDR courts are. there was never any issues ever happened. the class is through heath start familys. the class explains the do's an don'ts for custidy an how to address this with the child so that understands. Thats the class I'm talking about. They call it a parenting class. Social services is the the first time custidy is ever brought to court..not that anyone has done anything wrong.

Like I said before when custidy was filed for DIVORCE WASN'T FILED so that had nothing to do with it......this was custidy only we didn't go an bad mouth the other.

This was not a divorce hearing so that didn't have anything to do with it. so you can't compare the two cases. no divorce had ever been filed. this was custidy only

Are you reading? :confused:

I give up folks. I really do.

I'm reading. Poster here isn't grasping the distinction between "typical" and "exceptional." Nor is poster grasping an important distinction in her case. Her husband was living in an openly adulterous relationship. It's more plausible for me to believe that a judge found that a bad environment for kids than the idea that an unmarried couple cohabiting would be a bad environment.

Your the one whom is not understanding. I have explained it in detail. You keep saying its not possible. an keep saying in divorce....Virginia courts looks out for the best intrest of the child... My husband nor my self never did anything wrong to have social services to become involved. Its how things work hear... an as i said before check with your local social services in your area....This was a custidy hearing

For pete's sake.

THIS IS NOT TYPICAL FOR EVERY COUNTY IN VIRGINIA.

Understand now?

What happened in your case was NOT "typical".

(And it matters not whether divorce was the issue or whether custody was the sole issue - understand now?)

Looks like we've been trolled.

From http://www.courts.state.va.us/courts...orge/home.html

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The court appoints a guardian ad litem (a lawyer who represents the juvenile’s best interests) to represent all juveniles alleged to be abandoned, neglected, abused or dependent who are the subject of either an entrustment agreement (in which the parents give up their parental rights and transfer care and custody of the juvenile to an agency), or a court proceeding to terminate residual parental rights (for all rights and responsibilities to the juvenile), or juveniles whose parents desire to be relieved of care and custody of the juvenile.

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The courts do NOT, as a matter of course, automatically appoint a GAL nor do they regularly involve social services.

But hey - that's only what the COURT's website says. What would we know?

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Quoting Dogmatique

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Well gee, that didn't happen in either my neighbor's Virginia divorce, nor his sister's Virginia divorce.

Do you understand that what happened in your case may NOT be typical? You cannot speak for every judge, every case and every county in Virginia. In many districts a GAL is ONLY appointed if the parents request one is appointed and social services are never involved at all unless there has been PRIOR issue.

Understand?

(and parenting classes are NOT automatically ordered, either)

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Along with if the two were still married and the ex was living with another woman, unless they happened to abstain from each other, I am almost 100% sure they were having sex, therefore a married man having sex with someone who isn't their wife, I believe is cheating, therefore committing adultery.

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Quoting mrshiggins

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Along with if the two were still married and the ex was living with another woman, unless they happened to abstain from each other, I am almost 100% sure they were having sex, therefore a married man having sex with someone who isn't their wife, I believe is cheating, therefore committing adultery.

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Sigh...yeap. One or two of us tried to point this out earlier, but to no avail.

Never take custody advice from someone who can't SPELL "custody".

Nuff' said.

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Quoting aardvarc

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Never take custody advice from someone who can't SPELL "custody".

Nuff' said.

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Well...yes, there is that lol!

The divorce has just started. I dumped my BF .. who needless to say is pretty upset over the why... But I can't take any chances. As far as sole custody I know that is impossible to get. I just want the kids majority where my soon to be ex would get them on weekends.

Cohabitation has nothing to do with whether one parent is better than the other, or setting a better example. The fact is, as a woman, you will ultimately find a mate to care for you and your chldren, and likely cohabitate before gettng married, if you marry at all. That being said, how would a man having a steady girlfriend living with him look bad for him? It doesn't because soon that will be you.
When my divorce was granted, I had a MUCH younger boyfriend living with me and was actually worried his age would affect my outcome, but alas, it did not, and neither did my ex's obnoxious live in girlfriend mouthing off to the judge on his behalf.

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Quoting inertia

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The divorce has just started. I dumped my BF .. who needless to say is pretty upset over the why... But I can't take any chances. As far as sole custody I know that is impossible to get. I just want the kids majority where my soon to be ex would get them on weekends.

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That is for the best, honestly. I dated someone for a minute before I found out he had a DUI. Dumped him immediately, and he was a nice guy. Yiu never know what your ex may use against you in court to be vengeful, and my attorney advised that must I be in a relationship with someone, their record should be CLEAN.

I am guessing by the misspelings that the 'deaf' poster is russian and may not understand clearly what we are saying. Just guessing though, based on how she appears to be 'pronouncing' certan words. Either way, English can't be her first language.

The reason that there is such a disagreement about cohabitation is that, believe it or not, there are still judicial districts which firmly believe that it is not good for children to be around cohabitating adults; the relationships are perceived to be too unstable. The kids are already trying to cope with the seperation of their parents. Throwing another adult in the mix - whom the kids could potentially attach to - and then adding the increased likelihood that the boyfriend/girlfriend will leave (rebound relationships rarely work), is really frowned upon by many conservative judges.

For example, when my ex filed for a change of custody immediately after he found that I was engaged, and my now husband was going to move in, my lawyer told me that my best defense was to get a courthouse and do a civil marriage before the custody hearing. He explained that the particular judge for my case does not like cohabitating couples. My lawyer actually implied that if I didn't get married, I could lose custody of my kids, despite the fact my ex has a child abuse conviction against one of our children!

I know we strive for a legal system wherein Justice is blind, but no where in that motto did we, as a society, mention anything about our judges. They can and do have their opinions and beliefs, and occasionally, those views are impressed upon others through their rulings. Right or wrong, it can happen, especially if the judge's constituents are supportive of those views.

I can see your point but my husband was a rebound after a 2 year relationship and I was his rebound after the ups and downs with bio mom for 4 years.

We co-habitated for 4 years before we got married. We didn't get married until 1 year after bio mom came back into the picture. She tried to pin the g/f thing against him, but the judge didn't care, never mentioned it in court....

I think it's more of a judges' biases rather than the courts. There are a lot of laws out there that are ridiculous that aren't really followed.