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Dropping Child Support for Agreement That NCP Will Break All Ties With the Children

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  • 01-18-2010, 09:28 PM
    chsalam
    Dropping Child Support for Agreement That NCP Will Break All Ties With the Children
    My question involves child support and dropping my claim from the father in the State of: Md.
    First a readers digest version of what has led to my question: I am divorced after 6 years of separation, hoping that my now ex would get help and stop drinking. He has almost died twice and still drinks. I gave him every type of opportunity to visit his children, his place, then my place, then my place supervised by me, and finally meeting at a public place, but none were safe or healthy for them - he was always at least half drunk - morning, noon or night - or me anymore (because of his mouth).
    At the divorce, he with his lawyer and me representing myself, was given a supervised visitation with breath tests and a level of trust built in after 6 weeks of arriving sober, a step up program over a 12 month period. He has not exercised the first contact. He calls the children maybe twice a month, usually saying "have the kids call me" and typically followed by a nasty-gram for me. He does not remember their birthdays and claims they have enough *&^.

    He actually quit his job so he would no longer have to pay child support in Jun, 2009. At first I figured he got fired, but then discovered he actually did resign. After not having paid since last June, he finally sobered up long enough to petition the courts to lower his support, in October after being picked up for failure to pay, but after our court date 2 weeks ago, the support amount remained the same, since he is "capable" of making a certain amount of income.

    He just called last Saturday (after not calling anywhere near or around Christmas) and I am worried it is doing more harm than good - my son refuses to talk to him (and his counselor, very familiar with everything says to just let it be for now), but my daughter gets very whiny and snippy for days after. I wish they had a father that could be safe with them, and I am not blowing this up, he is truly a sick man).

    So FINALLY my question, can I petition the court to have his contact with the children cut off? All his messages center around money and he has always been a overly focused on "his". I thought maybe I could have him agree to leave them alone, until he gets help, and in return I would not ask for child support - but then that sounds like a negative bribery....

    I honestly do want my children to have a relationship with their father, but know we have passed the point that it is not good for the children? They believe that he does not love them sometimes, and i assure them he does but when people are sick cannot show it very well, but it doesn't help that he tells them that I will not let him see them. He is just trying to hurt me and is only hurting them, which is why I thought that dropping child support may provide them the heartache from his infrequent calls.

    Thanks for any advice.
  • 01-18-2010, 10:58 PM
    mmmagique
    Re: Dropping Child Support for Agreement That NCP Will Break All Ties With the Childr
    I understand your thoughts, but "child support is not a ticket to see the children."

    In other words, no. You cannot drop cs, in exchange for not letting him see them.

    Talk to your attorney, the childrens' counselor(s) and the gal if you have one.

    Best of luck to you and the children.
  • 01-19-2010, 08:49 PM
    chsalam
    Re: Dropping Child Support for Agreement That NCP Will Break All Ties With the Childr
    I didn't think so, but thanks for clarifying. I don't have an attorney (can't really afford one), I've represented myself all along. One last question though - what is a "gal"? Is that someone I could talk to about requesting contact from Dad be temporarily halted until he gets treatment?
  • 01-19-2010, 08:53 PM
    Dogmatique
    Re: Dropping Child Support for Agreement That NCP Will Break All Ties With the Childr
    Quote:

    Quoting chsalam
    View Post
    I didn't think so, but thanks for clarifying. I don't have an attorney (can't really afford one), I've represented myself all along. One last question though - what is a "gal"? Is that someone I could talk to about requesting contact from Dad be temporarily halted until he gets treatment?


    A GAL is a guardian ad litem - s/he represents the best interests of the child. Usually when one is appointed, s/he will take into consideration the circumstances of both parents and make a recommendation to the judge based upon that assessment. The GAL's report carries great weight in court.

    You need to ask the court to assign a GAL to your case.
  • 01-20-2010, 04:30 PM
    chsalam
    Re: Dropping Child Support for Agreement That NCP Will Break All Ties With the Childr
    Thank you VERY much!
  • 01-20-2010, 04:45 PM
    Baz744
    Re: Dropping Child Support for Agreement That NCP Will Break All Ties With the Childr
    Quote:

    Quoting chsalam
    View Post
    Thank you VERY much!

    Fair warning: you will have to foot half the bill for a GAL along with your husband.

    Is the phone contact mandated by a court order?

    If it isn't, you're not obligated to let him talk to them on the phone. Your sole legal obligation is to fulfill the contact specifically ordered by the court. If the phone contact isn't in their best interests, maybe you should consider disallowing it.
  • 01-20-2010, 10:10 PM
    chsalam
    Re: Dropping Child Support for Agreement That NCP Will Break All Ties With the Childr
    The phone contactwas speicifically allowed in the order with the supervised visitation since he would call at all hours totally bomed, so I at least had time limits set. I will contact the court about a GAL to assess the situation. Surely since he has not even contacted the supervised visitation facility, they would listen to reason and the kid's counselors. I have taped and saved his filthy McNasty messages, but was told they are not admissable unless he had consented.
  • 01-21-2010, 07:30 AM
    Baz744
    Re: Dropping Child Support for Agreement That NCP Will Break All Ties With the Childr
    Quote:

    Quoting chsalam
    View Post
    The phone contactwas speicifically allowed in the order with the supervised visitation since he would call at all hours totally bomed, so I at least had time limits set. I will contact the court about a GAL to assess the situation. Surely since he has not even contacted the supervised visitation facility, they would listen to reason and the kid's counselors. I have taped and saved his filthy McNasty messages, but was told they are not admissable unless he had consented.

    Are they answering machine/voice mail messages? Or are they recordings of phone conversations that you've made?

    If they're answering machine/voice mail messages, I don't know why they would be inadmissable. Maybe Maryland evidence law is weird.

    If they're recordings of phone conversations, you might get yourself in trouble if you even admit to having them. Maryland is a two-party consent state, meaning that it's illegal to record phone conversations without the consent of both parties to the conversation. You could face civil liability and criminal prosecution just for having made them.
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