Moving Closer to Kids but Wages Would Be Lower

California

Hello,

I live in N California after relocating from out of state when my pregnant ex skipped town to s. California. I barely have any vsitation due to the distance. I could move closer to my daughter and get more visitation (I am single parent myself), but would have to take a job with less money.

Will they lower my cs so that my daughter can have a father? If they don't I will not be able to move.

BTW my ex has not worked in a year and a half despite having a valid CA paramedic license.

The more time the kids are in your custody - the less you pay in CS.

Thanks for the answers, I appreciate it!

I know the more custody I get the more the cs will go down. What I'm worried about is the time in between moving down and increasing custody, when she can make me jump through hoops every six months (is that right for reviews?) to slowly increase my custody over a period of years while in the meantime I'm paying more than I can afford to support myself and my son. She is very vindictive (borderline) and I know she will use all the tricks.

She has recently mentioned going on welfare rather than working, can she do that? I haven't tried to impune her with wages yet because I'm afraid of looking like a jerk in court when the baby is still small, but the baby is 1 yr old now and I think in the real world it's time to start working. I did it as a single parent.

Would the court generally understand that my intention is to be with my daughter?

... man i need a lawyer.

It sounds complicated. I can get a job down there and file for the mod and then decide wether or not I can afford to make the move? Or move, start he new job, file for a mod and pursue custody and pray they don't decide to drop the hammer on me?

Quote:

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... man i need a lawyer.

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Yes, you do, and your situation has a better chance of working out in your favor with an attorney than without one.

I suggest you visit one at your earliest convenience, and get a plan of action plotted out.

easier said than done though when you're a single parent with a 5 year old kid (I adopted as an infant) in daycare yourself while paying cs for zero custody and ex claiming zero income and 500 a month in health insurance even though I have the baby covered by my own insurance. We aren't even breaking even every month and live on top ramen and potatoes, no cable, no cell phone, illicitely hijacking internet to do this, might be able to find a slightly cheaper apartment, but only by a couple hundred. Whatever I can managed to scrape up I use to drive down (7hrs) once a month to fullfill my visitations so they can't say I'm not showing interest. It is soo unbelievably precarious.

kinda venting, but really asking for guidance. My gross income is to high for free legal aid, but we have nothing left for a lawyer.

If you have a university law school nearby, you may be able to speak to a law student or paralegal. Many students provide assistance as part of community service programs.

Alternatively, contact your local Bar Association to see if they can refer you to someone who is willing to work with you on a payment arrangement or sliding scale.

Awesome, there is legal school near here. I will try that. Not really sure how to start asking....

There is a fathers rights org near here that I have been involved with since I had agreed to take take parenting classes when in mediation. The ex tried to get me to take parenting, anger management and drug rehab (I don't do drugs I'm a firefighter and have never been accused of being an angry guy in my life! she also said I shouldn't be given visits since I would try to kill my daughter if left alone!!!), but the mediator saw through it and blew her off. She also tried to accuse me of abusing my adopted son and her!!!! But the mediator asked "did you ever call the police or cps?" and she said "no" so the mediator said "then you're just saying those things"

Oh my god I was soo scared for my life..

I just felt it would be hard for anyone to honestly refuse to take parenting classes, any parent should right? so I agreed to it. Of course the court doesn't see that it was a 45 minute commute each way after work and I had to arrange and pay for sitter for my son too.

I talked to the fathers rights org a couple times after the parenting classes, about what to do next, but I don't feel they really understand my situation and am not quite sure I trust them on how to proceed. I don't want revenge, I want honesty and what's best for my daughter and to be protected from false allegations. I'm starting to think maybe this whole system is not designed for that, so maybe they're right. I honestly expected the court to help me have a relationship with my daughter. People who hear about this are really stunned about how it really is and so am I right now.

I feel like this is a between the cracks nightmare in the making.

What you're experiencing is a pretty good example of the "conventional wisdom" that women are naturally better parents coming around to bite people in the backside. The old trope has been circulated for so long that it is difficult for good dads to get a good foothold.

That doesn't mean there isn't hope, though. There are plenty of good dads out there who gain full physical and legal custody of their kids, and do a bang up job of shaping them into productive, useful members of society.

They didn't have an easy time of it, though. But they stood up and fought anyway. And that's what you're going to have to do. Stand up and fight, and if you get knocked down, get back up again, dust your ass off, and put your dukes back up.

When it's all over and you've got a fab relationship with your daughter, it will be worth it.

Much luck to you.

You can try to find a law student, but you may pay dearly in the end because of that person's inexperience. You can also contact the local bar association and get a reduced cost consult, or see if there is a legal low cost law clinic.

For all those weasel dads out there, its refreshing to see one fighting for his kids. If you have to give up salary to be in your kid's life, you will be rewarded far beyond dollars. Don't worry about the mom. Do your thing with the courts and try not to get into it with her.

the problem is that by "dukes" you mean money and that is the limiting factor for me. Everything that goes to a lawyer comes from my son.

I just don't know if I can go through it because i am thereby volunteering my son to go through it too, and I can end up in jail or destitute and she can start shouting out accusations of abuse... what if I lose my son too?! Of course on the other hand my daughter will have no father and a borderline mother (or rather a different father every 4 to 6 months). If there was just someone on my side I would fight, but it just seems like a Charles Dickens novel to me. There's not really any hope I think.

I would gladly give up the salary to be a dad, I'm just afraid they won't lower the CS and I will owe more than I make or have like $20 a month left to live on.

I couldn't imagine in my wildest dreams I would have a child I'm not dad to.

All I am is a dad, everyday. I want to be a good dad to my son who I started fostering at 3 months, and I want to be a dad to my daughter, but it might be to scary, I have soo much to lose, and very little prospect of any success. It is soo bizzare.