Child Custody

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: california

My son is 6 years old and me and his father split up in november 2007. We agreed out of court that our son would stay with his father every other weekend (about 4 days a month) and he would pay me $160.00 dollars per month.

He has always been flaky by not paying me on time, or not at all, and switching weekends or shortening them to only one day or none at all.

His behavior has increasingly become more erratic over the past year and a half and I am concerned about the safety and well being of my child.

I would go to court but unfortunatly I have a criminal record. I was charged with DUI and child endangerment in June of 2008. My lawyer reduced it to only a DUI due to the circumstances of the charge. His father also has a DUI on his record.

As far as the circumstances of my case, I was at the river with my son and his father and had 3 beers over the course of a few hours. I put the empty bottles in my car to toss out later. His father was not drinking. Then we left and I dropped his father off at home. On the way home I made an illegal U turn and was pulled over and, well, the worst day of my life proceeded to happen. I have never been in trouble before and am a full time nursing student and overall a very attentative mom, so I think that's why the charges were dropped.

Do you think this would hurt me in gaining custody for my son? I would want my son's father to have visitation, but not overnight unless I am around (like on a trip for instance)

The reason I want this now is because my son's father's living situation is becoming unfit for a child, I feel. He uses illegal drugs often, smokes marijuana daily and drives, recently lost his job and moved in with his parents for the 3rd time, is not seeking employment and has no vehicle. He also does not have a seperate bed for my son at his house, where they share a futon in basement/bedroom used for storage (it has heat and lights). I have asked him repeatedly to change his behavior and he either lies, or ignores me altogether. As of now I am restricting him for visiting his son unless I am around.

Please help, his dad has fuel against me for some of my irresponsible behavior in the past. I am afraid of what would happen, but can't go on like this.

Have you been getting counseling and treatment for your issues with alcohol? I suggest being able to substantiate to the court that any alcohol problem is well under control.

If dad's only seeing the child every other weekend, which isn't much at all, what exactly do you want? No overnights? No contact at all? What's your response if dad comes to court, denies your accusations of drug use, and asks for more visitation?

No, I am a social drinker and I do not use drugs, if a judge thought my drinking was an issue, then I would stop. I am mostly concerned for the safety of my son while he is with his father. I only ask not because I am angry with my son's father, both our families are just generally concerned about my son's wellfare. My son loves his dad and we want them to have contact, even spend more time with him, but he just won't stop his lifestyle. I don't know what to do. He won't listen to any of us.

Also, it would be almost impossible to deny his drug use. My family, and his family would state that he has problems. And like I said, if he cleaned up, then I would want him to have more time. It would be good for my son...but this has been an ongoing battle between me and his father for the past seven years, it's hard to trust someone after that long.

One more thing, I am afraid a judge would think of ME as irresponsible for letting my son go with his dad when I know he's high. So I'm afraid of getting into trouble too.

You better become a mother tiger and grab the bull by the horns now. (sorry for all the animal analogies...)

My childrens' father was a meth head and since I allowed them to be with him, they were put in foster care when he got busted.

I never could prove he did anything...only had suspicions, but it took about a month to get the kids out of foster care and back with me because of his stupid behaviour, and my failure to confront him in court.

Get as many witnesses as you can, don't worry about dad getting mad, and do what you have to do. That's what I should have done.

Good luck!!