17 Year Old Mom vs 21 Year Old Bio-Dad

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05-25-2009, 07:21 PM
davidj

17 Year Old Mom vs 21 Year Old Bio-Dad

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Alaska

My 17 yr old daughter has had a baby by a 21 yr old male. The father is not listed on the birth certificate and my daughter does not wish to have any contact with the father. A little back history here:
The father has been homeless and unemployed most of the time. He lives from day-to-day. He has been suicidal and has spent the past few month in a mental hospital. We have had to get restraining orders, but because of the hopistal stay the police would not issue them. The father is insisting to see the baby, My daughter let him see the baby for 30min a few days after birth. Now the father is saying he wants joint custody.
My daughter comes from a very stable family and has everything she and the baby needs. Due to the age difference we are asking that the father stays away my daughter is scared that he will hurt her and the baby (he has threaten...why the restraining order was filed). How can she get complete custody and get this man out of her and the baby's life? We do not want or need child support....
05-25-2009, 07:45 PM
Antigone

Re: 17 Year Old Mom vs 21 Year Old Bio-Dad

Quote:

Quoting davidj

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Alaska

My 17 yr old daughter has had a baby by a 21 yr old male. The father is not listed on the birth certificate and my daughter does not wish to have any contact with the father. A little back history here:
The father has been homeless and unemployed most of the time. He lives from day-to-day. He has been suicidal and has spent the past few month in a mental hospital. We have had to get restraining orders, but because of the hopistal stay the police would not issue them. The father is insisting to see the baby, My daughter let him see the baby for 30min a few days after birth. Now the father is saying he wants joint custody.
My daughter comes from a very stable family and has everything she and the baby needs. Due to the age difference we are asking that the father stays away my daughter is scared that he will hurt her and the baby (he has threaten...why the restraining order was filed). How can she get complete custody and get this man out of her and the baby's life? We do not want or need child support....

If the father has not yet established paternity the the child's mother need not let him near the baby.

At this point the father has the ball in his court. He has to establish paternity through the courts. You have no legal remedy at this time. I personally wouldn't rock the boat too much.
05-25-2009, 08:09 PM
davidj

Re: 17 Year Old Mom vs 21 Year Old Bio-Dad

Quote:

Quoting Antigone

If the father has not yet established paternity the the child's mother need not let him near the baby.

At this point the father has the ball in his court. He has to establish paternity through the courts. You have no legal remedy at this time. I personally wouldn't rock the boat too much.

You think we should press the age issue, that he impregnated a minor, would this have any sway in this case?
05-25-2009, 08:23 PM
CourtClerk

Re: 17 Year Old Mom vs 21 Year Old Bio-Dad

I suggest "dad" go down to the closest courthouse and pursue establishing paternity. Apparently with all his faults, your daughter found him suitable enough to sleep with and make the father of her child, he should then live up to those expectations.

As for the "age issue," you've apparently been ok with it thus far and using that as an excuse to keep this man from his child is just.... pitiful. Had it been an issue, why didn't you pursue charges when you first found out your daughter was pregnant?
05-25-2009, 08:51 PM
aardvarc

Re: 17 Year Old Mom vs 21 Year Old Bio-Dad

Quote:

Quoting davidj

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Alaska

My 17 yr old daughter has had a baby by a 21 yr old male. The father is not listed on the birth certificate and my daughter does not wish to have any contact with the father.

As noted by the prior poster, until a court says he's the daddy, he is a legal stranger to the child and she needn't allow visitation. HOWEVER...if he establishes that he IS the father....she'll have some unpleasant realities to digest....

Quote:

A little back history here:
The father has been homeless and unemployed most of the time.

Which didn't deter your daughter from finding him worthy of donating half of the child's genes. The court will note this.

Quote:

He lives from day-to-day.

Which didn't deter your daughter from finding him worthy of donating half of the child's genes. The court will note this.

Quote:

He has been suicidal and has spent the past few month in a mental hospital.

May be relevent - might not - there's a broad range of "suicidal", anything from a full out attempt, to an expression of "today can't get any worse", and anything in between. Just being hospitalized in and of itself doesn't mean the court will cut him off from the child (assuming he establishes paternity). Worst case, the court would likely order visitation to be supervised at least for a while.

Quote:

We have had to get restraining orders, but because of the hopistal stay the police would not issue them.

Courts...not police...issue restraining orders. If the court issued an order, police might not be able to SERVE the order if he was hospitalized. If he's out now, you can ask police to try again to serve the order.

Quote:

The father is insisting to see the baby, My daughter let him see the baby for 30min a few days after birth. Now the father is saying he wants joint custody.

The father can insist all he wants. It's what the court says that ultimately matters. She can tell him "no" right up until the time a court says "yes".

Quote:

My daughter comes from a very stable family and has everything she and the baby needs.

Except the sense not to HAVE a child at 17 with a person having nothing but the bad qualities you've outlined?

Having a baby's father in the baby's life has more to do than just providing for the baby's needs. A father has an inherent right to develop ties with and bond with HIS child. As strange at is sounds, he could even ask for custody of the child (and the court might even consider it, if he's able to show that HE is better able to support the child - remembering that your daughter is an individual - it's not a "group effort").

Quote:

Due to the age difference we are asking that the father stays away

Why is his age a factor now? The age difference is no greater now than on the day they created the baby.

Quote:

my daughter is scared that he will hurt her and the baby (he has threaten...why the restraining order was filed).

She can ask for the order. She has every absolute right to keep him away from her. She can ASK that the baby be included, but if he requests supervised visitation, odds are in his favor. Having supervised visits negates the danger to the baby in the courts eyes.

Quote:

How can she get complete custody and get this man out of her and the baby's life?

The only way to ensure that that happens is for her to go back in time and not create a baby with him. At some level or other, if he wants contact with the baby, and isn't either incarcerated for an extended period of years in prison, or convicted of some crime against children, you can count on him having the support of the court to be a part of the child's life - even if that interaction must occur with supervision. Unless the court spells out very specific instructions to the contrary, she can count on 18 years of negotiating summers, vacations, piano recitals, whose family has the baby for the holidays, you get Christmas, we get Thanksgiving, etc. etc. When people want children 100% to themselves, they need to figure out how to make them by themselves. Until then, your daughter is only 50% of the parenting forumla in this child's life. Of course the other side of the coin is that if he requests custody, she could agree, increasing the odds that she'd no longer have to deal with him (but that path doesn't sound likely).

Quote:

We do not want or need child support....

Legally, this has nothing to do with "we". This has to do with the mother. If you adopt the child or a court assigns legal custody to you, THEN there will be a "we". Right now, as far as the court is concerned, you don't have a dog in this fight. Child support is for the child - if the parent (or the parent with support from the grandparents) is able to provide for the child without support, that doesn't impact that child support will be ordered. Tell the mom to open a nice safe savings account and sock the money away for college or a car or whatever. Child support isn't a payment in exchange for visitation, and non-payment of support isn't an excuse to deny visitation - they are two separate issues.
05-25-2009, 11:00 PM
davidj

Re: 17 Year Old Mom vs 21 Year Old Bio-Dad

Quote:

Quoting CourtClerk

I suggest "dad" go down to the closest courthouse and pursue establishing paternity. Apparently with all his faults, your daughter found him suitable enough to sleep with and make the father of her child, he should then live up to those expectations.

Apparently you think a 16 yr at the time (17 now) can find a person suitable. Your thinking is unsound. For god sake she was a minor.

As for the "age issue," you've apparently been ok with it thus far and using that as an excuse to keep this man from his child is just.... pitiful. Had it been an issue, why didn't you pursue charges when you first found out your daughter was pregnant?

I seen your standard asnwer on alot of post....
You assume the "age issue" has been ok....It has not...other than locking our daughter in a cage...it was not allowed....However it happened. We did not pursue charges because the family had been though enough and it was now a time for healing and he was gone. He has just now resurfaced .

The forum is for legal advice...your name inplies your a courtclerk... thats a secretary!

Quote:

Quoting aardvarc

As noted by the prior poster, until a court says he's the daddy, he is a legal stranger to the child and she needn't allow visitation. HOWEVER...if he establishes that he IS the father....she'll have some unpleasant realities to digest....

understood

Quote:

Quoting aardvarc

Which didn't deter your daughter from finding him worthy of donating half of the child's genes. The court will note this.

She was a minor child of 16 at the time

Quote:

Quoting aardvarc

Which didn't deter your daughter from finding him worthy of donating half of the child's genes. The court will note this.

She was a minor child of 16 at the time

Quote:

Quoting aardvarc

May be relevent - might not - there's a broad range of "suicidal", anything from a full out attempt, to an expression of "today can't get any worse", and anything in between. Just being hospitalized in and of itself doesn't mean the court will cut him off from the child (assuming he establishes paternity). Worst case, the court would likely order visitation to be supervised at least for a while.

He has threaten the life of mother and child....and his .. We called the police and they took him to hospital

Quote:

Quoting aardvarc

Courts...not police...issue restraining orders. If the court issued an order, police might not be able to SERVE the order if he was hospitalized. If he's out now, you can ask police to try again to serve the order.

Understood....The police would not SERVE the order because he was in the hospital...Although the hospital asked that he be served there to help with his issues.

Quote:

Quoting aardvarc

The father can insist all he wants. It's what the court says that ultimately matters. She can tell him "no" right up until the time a court says "yes".

This makes sense

Quote:

Quoting aardvarc

Except the sense not to HAVE a child at 17 with a person having nothing but the bad qualities you've outlined?

You have no idea at what extent we tried to keep this man away from our daughter. It was a day by day battle...we lost. NOw there is Two children to protect. 7 of 17 she is still a minor and WE the parents or still legally responsible for her.

Quote:

Quoting aardvarc

Having a baby's father in the baby's life has more to do than just providing for the baby's needs. A father has an inherent right to develop ties with and bond with HIS child.

You are so very right! under normal situations.

Quote:

Quoting aardvarc

As strange at is sounds, he could even ask for custody of the child (and the court might even consider it, if he's able to show that HE is better able to support the child - remembering that your daughter is an individual - it's not a "group effort").

Please! This guys does not have a bucket to pee in. Once again it will be "group effort" until she is of legal age.

Quote:

Quoting aardvarc

Why is his age a factor now? The age difference is no greater now than on the day they created the baby.

see pervious answer....It's aways been a factor.

Quote:

Quoting aardvarc

She can ask for the order. She has every absolute right to keep him away from her. She can ASK that the baby be included, but if he requests supervised visitation, odds are in his favor. Having supervised visits negates the danger to the baby in the courts eyes.

Quote:

Quoting aardvarc

The only way to ensure that that happens is for her to go back in time and not create a baby with him. At some level or other, if he wants contact with the baby, and isn't either incarcerated for an extended period of years in prison, or convicted of some crime against children, you can count on him having the support of the court to be a part of the child's life - even if that interaction must occur with supervision. Unless the court spells out very specific instructions to the contrary, she can count on 18 years of negotiating summers, vacations, piano recitals, whose family has the baby for the holidays, you get Christmas, we get Thanksgiving, etc. etc. When people want children 100% to themselves, they need to figure out how to make them by themselves. Until then, your daughter is only 50% of the parenting forumla in this child's life. Of course the other side of the coin is that if he requests custody, she could agree, increasing the odds that she'd no longer have to deal with him (but that path doesn't sound likely).

The very fact he slept with a minor is a crime agaist a child....she was 16 at the time....if it takes charging him to keep him away...I will do it.

Quote:

Quoting aardvarc

Legally, this has nothing to do with "we". This has to do with the mother. If you adopt the child or a court assigns legal custody to you, THEN there will be a "we". Right now, as far as the court is concerned, you don't have a dog in this fight. Child support is for the child - if the parent (or the parent with support from the grandparents) is able to provide for the child without support, that doesn't impact that child support will be ordered. Tell the mom to open a nice safe savings account and sock the money away for college or a car or whatever. Child support isn't a payment in exchange for visitation, and non-payment of support isn't an excuse to deny visitation - they are two separate issues.

Once again Legally she is a minor and "WE" are responsible for her.
But very good idea to sock it away. If it comes to that.
05-26-2009, 08:12 AM
525601minutes

Re: 17 Year Old Mom vs 21 Year Old Bio-Dad

Is there something WRONG with being a secretary? Honestly:wallbang:
05-26-2009, 09:31 AM
LawResearcherMissy

Re: 17 Year Old Mom vs 21 Year Old Bio-Dad

Quote:

Quoting davidj

The very fact he slept with a minor is a crime agaist a child....she was 16 at the time....if it takes charging him to keep him away...I will do it.

You have nothing to have him charged with.

The age of consent - that is, the legal age at which a person may consent to sexual intercourse - is 16 in the state of Alaska. Statutory rape charges are off the table. He's not going to jail for knocking your daughter up.

The time for "keeping him away" has passed. It's much like arranging to install a sprinkler system after the house has burned to the ground. The most you can do is ask the courts for a restraining order to keep him away from your daughter. The court may or may not grant it.

That will NOT keep him away from his child. Whether you like it or not, if he makes the effort to go to court to legally establish paternity, the courts WILL grant him visitation, and your daughter WILL have to abide by it.

You, Grampy, will have no say in the matter whatsoever. Legally, you're a stranger to the child and have no right to keep the child from seeing his father.

Quote:

The forum is for legal advice...your name inplies your a courtclerk... thats a secretary!

You might want to dial back the attitude, lest you find that you get no help at all. You've got a lot of nerve, throwing a tantrum about getting CORRECT, LEGAL advice.

Tone it down, or you'll be doing your own research.
05-26-2009, 09:33 AM
bigcountrysg

Re: 17 Year Old Mom vs 21 Year Old Bio-Dad

Quote:

Quoting 525601minutes

Is there something WRONG with being a secretary? Honestly:wallbang:

No sometimes they no more about the law then others.

As for the topic at hand. The only way I can see you keeping him from your daughter and grand kid. Is if statue of limitations have not expired for you to be able to file charges against him.

Although I doubt a prosecutor will proceed with them. Being the time line. Also if you truely tried to keep him from your daughter. Did you file for a Restraining Order at that time. If not, how come you didn't.
05-26-2009, 12:17 PM
CourtClerk

Re: 17 Year Old Mom vs 21 Year Old Bio-Dad

Quote:

Quoting 525601minutes

Is there something WRONG with being a secretary? Honestly:wallbang:

I don't think so, but I wouldn't know, I'm not one. My paycheck sure doesn't say I am....

As for this young man not having a bucket to pee in, might I just remind everyone that neither does the OP's angel of a daughter. Everything she has belongs to someone else.