Petty Theft Charge in Virginia

In my opinion whether or not you tell your mom is up to you to decide and nobody else can tell you what you should or should not do in this case. I personally feel you have no moral obligation to tell your mom and don’t believe that you keeping this from your mom is a lie.
You are an adult (I’m assuming you’re at least 18) and as an adult, if you have the ability to take care of this problem yourself, it should be your own private business. You are not obligated to tell anyone about this, including your parents. If you want this to be your own thing and feel that your parents knowing will only add more stress to the situation then do what you have to do.
People always believe that children are obligated to tell their parents everything and I don’t agree with that. You are old enough to make your own decisions, you made your own decisions that got you into this situation, and now you are making the decision to get yourself out of it WITHOUT mom and dad knowing, and there is nothing wrong with that.
No one else should be pressuring you and telling you that keeping this from your mom is wrong and that you should just “fess up”. Do what you think is right for you.
And it might help you to know I was in the exact situation not too long ago. I was caught shoplifting, I live at home with my parents, and I hired a lawyer and took care of the problem and (by having the post office hold on to my mail rather than delivering it to my house) my parents never found out. And I feel really good that I was responsible enough to have paid for my own lawyer and taken care of it all by myself. I found out from that experience that I can handle my own problems and don’t always need my parents by my side to clean up my mess. People could always tell me that I could justify my secret to the end of the world, but my decision to keep this a secret is still wrong. But it all just comes down to different perspectives and different opinions. Are you right or wrong? You need to decide that for yourself. Consider what other people are saying to you about this, but don’t take it to heart if you don’t agree. They don’t know what it’s like in your shoes and they have no right to tell you what is right or wrong (at least not in this situation).
So good luck, I hope everything works out for you, and don’t stress about it. It feels the worst when you’re stuck in the middle, but when it’s over and you look back on it, it was just a little road block in your life and everything will be fine (Just don’t do it again, lol).

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Quoting vanprincess18

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In my opinion whether or not you tell your mom is up to you to decide and nobody else can tell you what you should or should not do in this case. I personally feel you have no moral obligation to tell your mom and don’t believe that you keeping this from your mom is a lie.
You are an adult (I’m assuming you’re at least 18) and as an adult, if you have the ability to take care of this problem yourself, it should be your own private business. You are not obligated to tell anyone about this, including your parents. If you want this to be your own thing and feel that your parents knowing will only add more stress to the situation then do what you have to do.
People always believe that children are obligated to tell their parents everything and I don’t agree with that. You are old enough to make your own decisions, you made your own decisions that got you into this situation, and now you are making the decision to get yourself out of it WITHOUT mom and dad knowing, and there is nothing wrong with that.
No one else should be pressuring you and telling you that keeping this from your mom is wrong and that you should just “fess up”. Do what you think is right for you.
And it might help you to know I was in the exact situation not too long ago. I was caught shoplifting, I live at home with my parents, and I hired a lawyer and took care of the problem and (by having the post office hold on to my mail rather than delivering it to my house) my parents never found out. And I feel really good that I was responsible enough to have paid for my own lawyer and taken care of it all by myself. I found out from that experience that I can handle my own problems and don’t always need my parents by my side to clean up my mess. People could always tell me that I could justify my secret to the end of the world, but my decision to keep this a secret is still wrong. But it all just comes down to different perspectives and different opinions. Are you right or wrong? You need to decide that for yourself. Consider what other people are saying to you about this, but don’t take it to heart if you don’t agree. They don’t know what it’s like in your shoes and they have no right to tell you what is right or wrong (at least not in this situation).
So good luck, I hope everything works out for you, and don’t stress about it. It feels the worst when you’re stuck in the middle, but when it’s over and you look back on it, it was just a little road block in your life and everything will be fine (Just don’t do it again, lol).

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One major difference is she doesn't have the money for a lawyer. Her parents might find out some how.I got in trouble twice the 2nd time was an accident but I got charged w. a felony over some bs. Each time I went to court I had a different legal aide,the last 2 times,I had a horrible one. I explained something to her in a calm way and she started yelling at me. A private lawyer can invest more time in your case and can sometimes make a world of difference but there very expensive. I was planning on borrowing money from my friends,my mom actually noticed a letter in the mail from the legal aid society.She was very upset and was a wreck at 1st,my sister was able to calm her down.She explain it's serious but not the end of the world. She was very upset that I got arrested,she was also heartbroken in a time of need that I didn't ask for her help.It was brutal b.c she wanted to pay for a private lawyer,I had to mention how I got arrested before for having weed. She very anti drugs. I NEEDED TO HIRE A LAWYER,it cost me 5 thousand dollars and I was broke,the lawyer charged me a flat fee.I went to court 5-6 times,it even could of been more times.If my friends wouldn't lend me the money I would of been screwed. I probably would of just not told my mom and stuck w. the legal aid.Knowing what I do now,I would of asked my mom for the money.After 2 weeks,she wasn't as angry w. me,just going to court made her very nervous. After it was all resolved our relationship was back to were it was before. If your gonna tell your mom later,then tell her now. Stealing is bad and not moral,your crime is forgivable,if anyone would forgive you,your mother would. Tell her your sorry and will learn from this,it's your last time.Having you and her speak to a lawyer might be able to put her mind at ease,once she know there a plan of attack.Trust she will calm down after a while.

You could go to court and see how the legal aid does for you.If it turns sour hire a private lawyer,it might to late thou. It's hard but try and relax,it isn't as bad as it seems. Just take things on step at a time.Maybe a diversion program is possabile,you should be able to get certificated w. a misdemeanor. One for theft or drugs look really bad thou.If the guy at walmart had a theft conviction they probably wouldn't of hired him.

If vanprincess18 was in jail w. 50,000 bail and her friends couldn't get the money together,I think eventually she would say sh*t time to call mom or dad.The repercussion from a conviction would sting longer then your parents being mad at you.

Good luck

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Quoting tc498

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If vanprincess18 was in jail w. 50,000 bail and her friends couldn't get the money together,I think eventually she would say sh*t time to call mom or dad.

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Yes you're right...fortunately for me that wasn't the case. And it doesn't sound like it's her case either. Every situation's different, let people make their own decisions without you offering your judgment on them. Thank you for sharing your story though.

To the starter of the post I want to tell you that I am in the same situation, except I was caught in Macy for 50 Dollars in Miami, FL so stupid. Im am too a nursing student and Im going to try my best to not let this stay in my record becuase I start Nursing school in January and I dont want this to be around by the time I have to do Nursing Clinicals. I feel so bad how one stupid immature descision can put alot of things under jeopardy.
To the previos posters about the mother thing let me tell you. Im a 21 year old man and although my parents will always be there for me and I know this. They are kind of old already I feel like this will cause more of a headaches for them, I dont want to tell them not becuase of their disapointment becuase noone is perfect and we all make mistakes, but it's just the headache I know I can avoid them, if they were 8 to 10 years younger I would telll them but it the point is that it all depends on each person.
I want to hire a lawyer becuase I can be very easy to solve by yourself in court by talking nice and all that but you never know in what mood that judge could be that day and I dont wanna take my chances by myself and let this affect my Nursing future and I will pay for my mistake, I been working a little bit extra and saving money just to hire an attorney I dont plan to pay more than a 1000 tho. Let's see! Anyways good luck.

I told my family, even though I am an adult.

I'm in a position of high responsibility. Despite my back injury, I am the the most able-bodied person in this family, between two households.

Figured best explain BEFORE someone asked me to go to Kohl's for them, or to to take them to Kohl's (I'm the one with the charge card).

If you are going to need financial help for a lawyer - you are going to need to be upfront with your parents asap. Having a lawyer.....mine was great. We expected 6 month suspended sentence (and having to visit a probation officer). I ended up with a plea deal of "Disorderly Person", no probation. That sure looks better on a job ap than "theft".

Wow this has turned into a long post, but I love all the feedback. You all are lifesavers. See the thing is, not only would telling my mother bring me even more flack than I already have, but there is no way she can help me financially. Not to get into my life story, but my dad passed away 2 years ago ( obviously not an excuse for stealing, just some background info ) & he was the breadwinner of our family. So my mom just got back into the workforce recently & she isn't even making half the money he did, although we do get some benefits. Once again, not trying to write a sob story, just providing a backdrop. So not only could she not pay for a lawyer, but this woman does not need anymore problems on her plate. I should have thought about that before I did something she would disapprove of & taught me not to do, but who hasn't gone against their parents at least once? & besides this glitch, I've been nothing but a good daughter. I've made A's & B's in school my whole life, I was president of a community service club at my school, & I guess I was sick of being the good girl & wanted to see what the dark side was like. Well now I know it's not so pretty! Being good is much easier. :)

So once again thanks for all the help, especially the understanding answers. & thanks for the stories from personal experience too. It's hard for people who have never made this kind of mistake before to understand. Trust me, a year ago I never thought I would've shoplifted either. &FootballLinebacker55, thanks for the well wishes & I also wish you luck in your nursing career. Most facilities & nursing boards are mainly concerned about violent crimes, drug charges, & felonies from what I hear.

- edit. I will also let you all know about the outcome of the case. My hearing isn't until July, & I plan on getting a lot of free consultations with lawyers until then. Also hoping to find a job ( not in retail now :( ) to have more money. Luckily I've been saving money for awhile anyway so I should be able to pay for the fine & civil demand.

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Quoting vanprincess18

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In my opinion whether or not you tell your mom is up to you to decide and nobody else can tell you what you should or should not do in this case. I personally feel you have no moral obligation to tell your mom and don’t believe that you keeping this from your mom is a lie.
You are an adult (I’m assuming you’re at least 18) and as an adult, if you have the ability to take care of this problem yourself, it should be your own private business. You are not obligated to tell anyone about this, including your parents. If you want this to be your own thing and feel that your parents knowing will only add more stress to the situation then do what you have to do.
People always believe that children are obligated to tell their parents everything and I don’t agree with that. You are old enough to make your own decisions, you made your own decisions that got you into this situation, and now you are making the decision to get yourself out of it WITHOUT mom and dad knowing, and there is nothing wrong with that.
No one else should be pressuring you and telling you that keeping this from your mom is wrong and that you should just “fess up”. Do what you think is right for you.
And it might help you to know I was in the exact situation not too long ago. I was caught shoplifting, I live at home with my parents, and I hired a lawyer and took care of the problem and (by having the post office hold on to my mail rather than delivering it to my house) my parents never found out. And I feel really good that I was responsible enough to have paid for my own lawyer and taken care of it all by myself. I found out from that experience that I can handle my own problems and don’t always need my parents by my side to clean up my mess. People could always tell me that I could justify my secret to the end of the world, but my decision to keep this a secret is still wrong. But it all just comes down to different perspectives and different opinions. Are you right or wrong? You need to decide that for yourself. Consider what other people are saying to you about this, but don’t take it to heart if you don’t agree. They don’t know what it’s like in your shoes and they have no right to tell you what is right or wrong (at least not in this situation).
So good luck, I hope everything works out for you, and don’t stress about it. It feels the worst when you’re stuck in the middle, but when it’s over and you look back on it, it was just a little road block in your life and everything will be fine (Just don’t do it again, lol).

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I share the same exact sentiment as you. I'm an adult now, can't run to mommy to make it all better anymore. I have to stand on my own 2 feet.

OP, your mom has been through a lot.

Imnsho, you are not giving her the credit she deserves. She is the one who will be there for you and give you the correct advice you need.

We are all in different areas of the country, and do not know what your local courts are like. Your mother is in a position to find out.

I suggest you turn to the one who will be there no matter what.

Good luck.