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Pregnant Teenage Daughter Refuses Adoption

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  • 02-17-2006, 11:36 AM
    ssrw3106
    Pregnant Teenage Daughter Refuses Adoption
    My 17yoa step-daughter is pregnant. The arrangements have been made through an adoption agency for the baby to be adopted. However, we have found out that she has plans to keep the baby. She has no job and we will not support the baby financially. She is not mature enough nor financially able to support the baby. The baby's father is not in the picture and waived his rights to the baby.

    Her mother lives in another state and is "coaching" her on keeping the baby because she believes it is selfish to give the baby up. She does not have the financial ability to support her daughter and a baby. We have discovered she is planning on visiting after the baby is born, leading us to believe there is an alterior motive of her taking the baby and her daughter back with her. She does not have guardianship nor joint custody of her, so has no legal right to do this unless my step-daughter's father gives permission.

    My question is, if she does not sign the adoption papers and decides to keep the baby,

    1) do we have to legally support the baby?
    2) if step-daughter has baby at 17, is she still considered minor and do we still have to legally support her until she is 18?
    3) Can we start emancipation procedures against her and kick her out?
    4) If she leaves against our wishes with her mother, is there legal recourse? ie: runaway; kidnap against her mother?
    5) If we are responsible for her until 18, what legal issues can we run into if we deny the baby coming into the house.

    It should be understood, we are not monster parents. The adoption is in her best interest. She is college bound and has no financial support for a baby. She has no job, transportation, or baby supplies, except for what we would have to supply. We will not pay for this baby. She now wants to go on welfare and live with her mother expecting friends and family to support her.
  • 02-18-2006, 02:22 AM
    ceara
    1. No you are not responsible for the baby,

    2. but you are responsible for your daughter.

    3. doubtful, but you may want to ask an attorney about emancipation. no you cannot kick her out.

    4. yes, you have several different recourses available if she goes to mom's.

    5. no idea

    That said, none of this has anything to do with YOU. The decisions are up to her PARENTS. You need to make up your mind about exactly what it is you want. You want to kick her and the baby out in the street, yet you don't want her to be allowed to go to mom. You're willing to let her stay in the house, but the baby's SOL.

    She's pregnant, you cannot change that fact. It is her decision whether or not to keep the baby. If you give her the same kind of attitude that I'm seeing here, dad can pretty much figure that's it as far as his child EVER wanting to have anything to do with him again. You want to look down on mom for being accepting of a situation she has no control over, yet you fail to remember, the daughter got pregnant while living in YOUR house, not hers.

    Also, the dad can't waive his rights. If she does receive government aid, the state WILL go after him for child support.
  • 02-20-2006, 09:21 AM
    ProblemChild
    Are you serious?
    Your over here saying that you are not monster parents but to be real you arent even her parent to begin with so you have no rights to tell her whether or not to keep her child. You sound very jealous of your step daughters mother because you want to kick her out but you dont want her to go to her mothers house. You really need to grow up and put yourself in her shoes and realize she went to you guys for a reason to confide in you and ask you for help but all your doing is turning your back and showing her that you dont love her your just putting up with her to be with her father, but excuse me miss you need to realize that man is always going to love his daughter before you and if he has to leave your sorry a$$ he will. So your best bet is to take care of her and her child, or let her go with her mother the woman who really loves her and has a real heart not a black one like YOU!

    P.S. Do you have children? If so how would you like someone demanding you to put your child up for adoption?! You wont like it!! Cause i been there!

    Sincerely,
    ProblemChild
  • 02-20-2006, 04:41 PM
    aaron
    Step-Parenting
    Step-parenting is hard, and is not always rewarding. Let's back off a bit from judgment.
  • 02-20-2006, 06:10 PM
    ceara
    Re: Step-Parenting
    Quote:

    Quoting aaron
    Step-parenting is hard, and is not always rewarding. Let's back off a bit from judgment.

    Step parenting is a very thankless job. It's not easy to help raise a child only to be told "you're not my mother/father" anytime the kid doesn't agree with you. But, SP's know that BEFORE they ever get married.

    The OP in this situation does need to back off though. She's creating a no win situation for her husband. If the daughter is forced to give up the child in order to continue living with dad and getting an education, she will blame dad and SM for the rest of her life. If she has to move in with mom in order to keep the baby, dad and SM will STILL get the blame for the daughter not getting an education and basically having to raise her own child in poverty.

    Whether the girls feelings are justified is irrelevent. The op needs to step back and let DAD make the decisions alone on this one or run the risk of ruining her own marriage when dad turns around and blames her for losing his daughter and grandchild.
  • 02-20-2006, 07:00 PM
    ProblemChild
    Thank You
    Thank you ceara. Its just hard to SP to understand the child just for the simple fact that SP is only there really for the dad.
  • 02-21-2006, 11:17 AM
    ssrw3106
    reply to aaron and ceara
    Thank you for your kind insight, aaron and ceara. Some additional info, I wrote that with my husbands input about his daughter. We were just trying to brainstorm all the pros and cons before any decisions were made, but apparently our post did not present itself that way. This post was a worst case scenerio and I just wanted some feedback, not an all out attack before people know ALL the facts. And, I am not only in this relationship for the father like was mentioned. I knew his children would always be first in his life and we have tried to give them a loving home. Also, it was also mentioned that the pregnancy happened in my home. It did not. It happened when she was under the supervision of her mother. I do not make the decisions for her, her father does. I am there for support and an alternative opinion if needed, so as far as "backing off," I've never been "on". We are trying to help her make the best decision for her life, but at the same time, her decision does not only effect her. It effects everyone she lives with, emotionally and financially.
  • 02-21-2006, 11:56 PM
    ceara
    I know that as parents (and step parents) we only want to help the child make the right decisions and to do what is best for them. That's part of the problem with this situation. Just as dad's decisions about his daughter have to e respected whether anyone else agrees or not, the daughter's decisions about the baby also have to be respect because she is the baby's PARENT. Trying to force her decision towards what you and dad feel is best is only going to push her away and make her more determained to chose the exact oposite of what you & dad want her to.
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