Domestic Battery

My question involves criminal law for the state of: Indiana
My husband and I got into a domestic situation. My husband was being disrespectful and very out of line . I hit him and he of coarse did not walk away he hit me back well punched me. I can take a lot of things but not a punch in my face. I called the police and they took him to jail. And of coarse here it is a few days later and I went down town to drop the charges and the protective order. I know that the protective order can not be dropped unless the judge says so. I also no the state can pick the charges up if they want to. I was made to feel out some papers and write a notarized letter n order to drop the charges. I did that I also received a paper saying they wanted to no what hardships I have to deal with from this situation. I basically told them everyone makes mistakes and if he does not get out of jail he will not be able to provide for his family. Because I am a student and stay at home mother and wife. He has a bond and I can not afford it. He has court in a few days. It is just an initial hearing. I wonder what is going to happen. They have the statement I made when I first called the police as well as a picture of my forehead. I am not going to court. I dropped all charges. Will he be able to get out or will he have to wait for another court date...:wallbang:

You don't get to drop all charges.

You don't bring charges... the DA does.

Considering that roughly 75% of all DA victims recant their testimony, the DA won't believe you either.

So how did he get arrested on domestic violence and you didnt? Your confessing on here that you made the initial violent act of punching.. Call me a jerk but if a woman is willing to hit a man, then you should be able to take what you get in return. I have been in this situation and did jail time over it. Im gonna get a lot of hate on this, but just because you are a woman does not ever give you the right to hit someone. If your man saw this post, he would be able to go to the sheriff dept and take a warrant out on you for the same thing. Sorry but true. Why dont you go to the judge and tell the truth that you started the violent act and he acted in self defense, because that is what it is considered.

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Quoting Arf417

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So how did he get arrested on domestic violence and you didnt? Your confessing on here that you made the initial violent act of punching.. Call me a jerk but if a woman is willing to hit a man, then you should be able to take what you get in return.

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You're a jerk.

And wrong.

They BOTH should have been charged.

Something to consider. Given equal fitness levels, men enjoy a 25-30% upper body strength advantage. Add to that the larger fist size of a man plus a woman's more fragile skeletal structure, in a game of "one punch", the man will win. Big.

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I have been in this situation and did jail time over it. Im gonna get a lot of hate on this, but just because you are a woman does not ever give you the right to hit someone.

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Agreed. Physical violence is never the answer.

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If your man saw this post, he would be able to go to the sheriff dept and take a warrant out on you for the same thing. Sorry but true. Why dont you go to the judge and tell the truth that you started the violent act and he acted in self defense, because that is what it is considered.

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Because he didn't act in self defense. While both could be charged, he wasn't in a position where he MUST fight to survive.

Leaving the scene would have been a much more appropriate response.

If police had video of the incident, both parties would be in jail and the child in the custody of the state. She would go down as the aggressor and he would go down because he struck outside of a position of self defense - a slap sucks to be sure, but that's no justification for a punch to the face, whether it's the face of your wife or the face of some guy at a bar. Police obviously chose to err on the side of the party with more damage (as if often the case), probably tempered with a little preconception based on gender bias, and the "easier" route of leaving one party behind so as not to have to deal with waiting for social services to arrive and take the child(ren). But yes, BOTH parties in this case should have been arrested.

You realize of course that the real nuts and bolts of what you're saying at the end of the day is that you're ok with geting punched in the face, even though you started it, because you can't afford to support yourself and child alone. You teach people how to treat you. Think about what you're teaching your child. Yep, that bodes well. Not.

I can agree with you in some cases. But time and time again I have went threw this. SO yes I hit him first he deserved it. Out of three years this was my first time hitting him first. I don't agree with hitting a man . I don't agree with a man hitting a women either. The police new I hit him first. Basically he could not prove it. I had the fist print on my forehead not him. My daughter told the officer my mom hit him first.. She was in the room I don't know how she new that .They still took him and not me.

[QUOTE=aardvarc;283801]If police had video of the incident, both parties would be in jail and the child in the custody of the state. She would go down as the aggressor and he would go down because he struck outside of a position of self defense - a slap sucks to be sure, but that's no justification for a punch to the face, whether it's the face of your wife or the face of some guy at a bar. Police obviously chose to err on the side of the party with more damage (as if often the case), probably tempered with a little preconception based on gender bias, and the "easier" route of leaving one party behind so as not to have to deal with waiting for social services to arrive and take the child(ren). But yes, BOTH parties in this case should have been arrested.

You realize of course that the real nuts and bolts of what you're saying at the end of the day is that you're ok with geting punched in the face, even though you started it, because you can't afford to support yourself and child alone. You teach people how to treat you. Think about what you're teaching your child. Yep, that bodes well. Not.[/QUOTE


WOW U REALLY HIT HOME. I DON'T THINK IT IS OK I DON'T THINK IT IS RIGHT.I HAVE TRIED TO TEACH HIM HOW TO TREAT ME . I GUESS I HAVE FAILED.I DON'T WANT TO EVER LET MY KIDS THINK IT IS OK . BECAUSE IT IS NOT ALRIGHT.

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Quoting HIS WIFE

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I can agree with you in some cases. But time and time again I have went threw this. SO yes I hit him first he deserved it.

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NO NO NO NO NO.

No one "deserves" physical violence. NO ONE.

After all, if he said YOU deserved to be beaten up a little, how would YOU respond? Why, you would be shocked and appalled, I am sure.

How is it any different here?

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Out of three years this was my first time hitting him first. I don't agree with hitting a man .

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Except when they really deserve it, huh?

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I don't agree with a man hitting a women either. The police new I hit him first. Basically he could not prove it. I had the fist print on my forehead not him. My daughter told the officer my mom hit him first.. She was in the room I don't know how she new that .They still took him and not me.

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Cool. So you not only got away with DV, but you did this in front of your CHILD?

Well, there goes "Mommy of the Year".... and should necessitate a visit from Children's Services.

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WOW U REALLY HIT HOME. I DON'T THINK IT IS OK I DON'T THINK IT IS RIGHT.I HAVE TRIED TO TEACH HIM HOW TO TREAT ME . I GUESS I HAVE FAILED.I DON'T WANT TO EVER LET MY KIDS THINK IT IS OK . BECAUSE IT IS NOT ALRIGHT.

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Accept when he really deserves it, right?

If you don't want your kids to think physical violence is the right way to resolve things, stop hitting your spouse in front of them.

After reading this I had to put my two cents in. When it comes to the police believing the little defenseless weakling wife or the big bad man who do you think they are going to believe? In my situation I was the one who called the police while my wife was beating on me and I went to jail with a battery charge against me. I never touched her, I was the one with marks all over me. The police told her one of us has to go to jail so she lied and said I threatened and hit her. She told me later the cop actually told her what to write to make sure I went to jail. He told her he thought she was justified because I scared her. Even though when my wife cooled off she told the “victims advocate” she wanted the charges dropped it was already in the DA’s hands and he is pushing the charges and not letting up. My lawyer told me the same thing stated earlier, it’s very common for the victim to recant their statement, so truth or lie does not matter, just what “usually happens” matters as far as the law is concerned. Life just plain sucks at times. Let this be a lesson to anyone thinking of dialing 911 for help, if someone’s having a heart attack the police can say you scared them to death, if you see an auto accident they can say you caused it. I know that sounds far fetched but these fingers will never dial 911 again.