Preparing to Take Custody at Birth

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: AR/VA

My sister turned 18 in June, one day after being released from a residential living facility court ordered by the state of Arkansas. Shortly after, she found out that she was pregnant (now 3 months). She has no high school education, no job, no place to live because she made the choice to move out from my mothers home (the eveing of her birthday). She is now staying where she can when she can and has been diagnosed with staff infection and has not been taking her medication. She has also failed so far to receive any type of prenatal care. I live in Virginia and I need to know how I can go about receiving custody or temporary custody of the child at the time of birth, or if there is anything I can do. I am extremely concerned for the baby's safety now and after it is born. I am also concerned that if I do not begin to take some sort of action now that the child will be taken from her before she even leaves the hospital, she has made many people very unhappy and I forsee child services being involved rather quickly. I realize that this situation will be even more difficult given that we live in 2 different states, however any help, advise and/or guidance would be greatly appreciated so that I do not lose my niece/nephew to outside individuals thus making the fight that much more difficult.

Is your sister willing to give you custody of the child?

We are working on bringing that up to her now, but I feel as though she is not going to be willing. I have offered her a place to stay and to help with everything to do with the baby, but she doesn't want to "leave her boyfriend". I just found out from my mother today that my sister has stated that others are threatening to take the baby. She is very immature, no where near ready to handle raising a child....she doesn't even want to take care of herself and be responsible. I don't want to say that she has mental issues, however she is the type of person that feels everyone is always out to get her. In the residential facility that she was staying in the counselor stated that she is almost positive that my sister is bi-polar but could not test her and diagnose her at the time because in the state of Arkansas they do not recognize bi-polar as a child disease and will not test/diagnose until after the age of 18. Now we are stuck in a situation where we can't force her to get tested or seek medical attention/advice because she is 18. My mom and I are very concerned. My mom is in no condition financially or health wise to raise another child. I have 3 children myself so it has taken a lot of thought for me to even make the choice to take in the baby, but I could not live with myself if something happened to my niece/nephew because there was something I could have done but didn't. One of our major concerns is that if someone doesn't do something soon, because of the lack of prenatal care and her not taking care of the infection she already has that there will be permanent damage to the baby.

My sister is the type of person that you can show her all the love in the world but in her eyes you hate her. I don't for one minute hate my sister and just need to know how to help her.

Sorry for the sob story, but hope this gives a better understanding of the situation at hand.

I must say, I'm not an attorney, but I think it may be difficult to get custody of your neice/nephew if your sister doesn't want to give him/her to you. Kids aren't like stuffed animals, you can't just take them away at birth and I can't imagine a Judge doing so without even giving her the chance to raise her own child. If the Judge does take the child away, it stands to reason he will award the child to the father, not the uncle. Unless child protection removes the child from both parents and then tries to place with extended family.
It sounds like instead of approaching your sister and telling her you want her baby, you should try to spend more time with her and lead by example. Be a great parent to your kids while in front of her, and she may pick up on it, or at least call you for advice. She may also decide to use you as a babysitter. There are other ways to ensure a child's safety than just going for custody.

I'm not trying to take the baby from her because I don't want her to have a chance to raise the child, my concern is that she has no education, no job (refuses to get a job), and no where to live. My only intention here is to ensure the safety of the child until she decides and makes the effort to turn her life around. I am also concerned that once the baby is born that she will go back to drugs and alcohol if she is not already still doing them. I have offered for her to move to VA with me and I would help her in any way possible but she doesn't want to.

She doesn't know who the father is, only thinks she does. So we also have to get a paternity test, in which case if the person she feels is the father in fact is I will fight even harder to get the baby since he is a meth addict and also does not work.

I have practically raised my sister along side my mother for the past 12 years after my mom left an abusive relationship. We have done everything possible, counseling, talking to her, and I even tried to homeschool her so she could get her education. We thought the court ordered resident house would be the answer but even that didn't work.She has no respect for anyone and refuses to listen to reason. I can not at this time be near or with her because we reside in different states. She is in Arkansas and I am in Virginia. Everyone has tried to help her and in return all we get is called names and told that she does not want our charity. Even though I can't be there to be a role model for her now, I have spent years being one. She watched me with my 3 children, she watched me graduate from college, she has watched my struggles and how I have overcome them, still nothing seems to sink into her.

Maybe it isn't all about you. It doesn't matter whether or not you think she's a fit mother, or will be a fit mother, what matters is what she actually does when she becomes a mother. If she harms her child, or fails to feed, clothe or shelter her child, then you have a case. But seriously, are you really thinking of walking into court and telling a judge "she hasn't lived her life the way I think she should have, so I think her baby is better off with me, because I can do it better. She just won't listen to me and live her life the way I think she should." Seriously. I have four kids, went through undergraduate and graduate school as a single mother after a divorce, so I know and applaud your accomplishments. I know how difficult it is and I realize that there are people we think aren't doing it "right." I see them every day. But, only a true control freak tries to dictate someone elses' life and that of their child before the child is even born. Maybe she just wants you to quit looking down on her, quit telling her what to do, and stop telling her she isn't doing it right. Just leave it alone and see what happens. I know you want to protect the child before something happens, but you don't control the world, and you don't know the future, so concentrate on being a great mom to your own kids and stop trying to dictate her life. Get a pet....tell the pet what to do, not another human being.

A lot of what is going on with your sister is her age. I have an average 18 yr old with no mental problems who doesn't listen to a word that I say either.

People with no education or money who have addictions have children everyday. People who suffer from bipolar also have children. This does not mean that it makes them a bad parent. You need to find a way to give your sister the benefit of the doubt bc frankly, she has the right to raise her child how she sees fit. Unless of course there is known abuse or neglect your hands are tied. I also want to caution you as to how you proceed, she also has the right to never let you be a part of your neice/nephews life if she feels your a threat.

To Stuckinthemiddle....First of all I didn't ask for your personal opinion...I asked for help. I never said it was all about me...it's about the baby and my sister.

"only a true control freak tries to dictate someone elses' life and that of their child before the child is even born."

I don't see where trying to help my sister is being a control freak. All I have ever tried to do is guide her in the right direction and be a good role model for her. And if I can provide the things that this child needs until she can decide that she wants to grow up and take responsibility then what is so wrong with wanting to help.

"Maybe she just wants you to quit looking down on her, quit telling her what to do, and stop telling her she isn't doing it right."

I'm not looking down on her and I'm not telling her what to do. I am however telling her that she needs to seek prenatal care and take care of herself so that she can have a hopefully healthy baby. I'm only trying to give her guidance and help her realize this is an everyday job...not just a job that she can do when she feels like it.

"but you don't control the world, and you don't know the future, so concentrate on being a great mom to your own kids and stop trying to dictate her life." "what matters is what she actually does when she becomes a mother"

I don't try to dictate the world but part of being a good mother doesn't start the day the baby is born....it's starts the day you find out that you are going to have a child and that means getting a job and getting the medical attention you need and that baby needs. It also includes knowing where you are going to lay your head down at night and not sleeping with every Tom, Dick and Harry just because they are giving you a place to sleep.

I have never "told" her what to do. I am a great mom and I do have pets but my pets are not about to bring a child in the world and denying everything that baby needs to survive. Obviously you are not reading the whole post and understanding the situation fully. We are talking about a girl who is about to have a child that doesn't care. I'm not saying that she can't be a good mother eventually but right now she is not being a good mom and all I want to do is help. I don't want custody because I'm selfish, I just wanted to give her an option and try to give her an opportunity to get on her feet or figure out what to do with her life. Some people don't get that option and we end up with abused and/or dead babies because of it. I'm just trying to stop a tragedy before it happens. And just for the record, I'm not saying the tragedy would happen at the hands of my sister, but if she keeps living the way she is living then it is bound to happen by the hands of someone.

I understand that people with bi-polar, no education, no money and so on bring babies into the world everyday and can do a good job. But again I state we are talking about someone that has been given every opportunity to get the medical and prenatal attention she needs and has refused to take the opportunity.

What people aren't understanding here is that there is a problem. She is not the typical teenager that doesn't want to listen there is much more to it. I can't go into all the details because I would be writing for days, but I have given what I thought was the most important to explain my/her situation.

I have been giving my sister the benefit of the doubt for 12 years and nothing changes and now she is about to bring a child into the world.

You can't expect for someone that doesn't care about themselves to care about someone else to include a child. All I want is for her to at least get prenatal care and do what is best for this child and she is not doing that.

It would be extremely difficult for you to try to bring a guardianship action while living in another state. You can review a guide to obtaining guardianship in Arkansas here. I would suggest consulting a lawyer.