Advice for Domestic Violence Trial

My question involves criminal law for the state of: Illinois
My husband physically assaulted me, which resulted in my nose being broken. He has never been arrested before, so he has no "priors".
I was told repeatedly by the cops that I needed to get an order of protection so that my husband could not kick me out of the house or take away my car after the 72 hour hold. I went on and did this thinking those were the only terms.
We have a court date set in a week, and I have been subpoenaed for the trial. I do not want to testify against my husband, and I am wondering if I have to. What he did was wrong, and he knows it. He is going to go and get counseling, and maybe over time I will be able to forgive him if he can change..only time will tell. What I do know is that I don't want him going to jail, or to lose his job that he worked so hard for. If anyone has any legal advice on what I can do so that I don't have to go to court and get my husband convicted of this crime...Thank You

If you have been subpoenaed, you must appear or face dealing with a warrant for your own arrest on a charge of failure to appear.

An overwhelming majority of DV victims feel the same way you do - they want the immediate violence to stop, and want the offender to get counseling and change. The unfortunate side is that the second part happens rarely, and that more often, incidents of violence predict future violence, even after facing arrest and attending counseling. The criminal justice cycle has the parts you want; in that it too wants the violence to stop - but, it also has additional aspects of holding offenders accountable for their actions and administering punishments like incarceration or probation (the parts victims DON'T want, but that are inclusive in any criminal justice response to a reported crime - in other words, you don't get to pick the criminal justice response ala carte - once that snowball is rolling, it will roll to its conclusion).

do i have to testify? I know everyone wants to pass judgement and say i am speaking "like a victim" but this man is no longer living in my house, and I don't know that we will ever be together again. however, the criminal justice system ruining his life, and mine and my childrens really isn't the answer. so its better they use him as an example and i go on welfare then i just move on with my life?:confused:

If you've been subpoenaed, then it's likely that the prosecution is planning on putting you on the stand. The defense might be able to block many of the questions before you have to answer them, but ultimately you'll likely be ordered by the judge to answer things that they already have answers to (like, "are you the one who called police" or "is this the injury you sustained on the date in question").

The criminal justice system is following it's multiple purposes. That the process and possible outcomes might ruin his life as a consequence is exactly what people are supposed to consider BEFORE they commit criminal acts that put them in the situation. It's a really simple process: committing crimes and getting caught means unpleasant things are going to follow if there is a conviction or plea. HE is the one who made the decisions, HE is the one who committed the immediate crime against you, HE is the one who put himself at risk of loosing his job, and HE is the one whose actions are to blame if or when he's not able to continue to be a provider.

I agree with you that consequences for him are likely to have negative consequences for you too. That dynamic is one that is played out coast to coast every day, and stands as one of the MAJOR reasons why so much domestic violence still goes unreported - because domestic violence isn't a "private problem" like it was 20 years ago. Now, it's actually treated like the very serious crime that it is - and offenders are actually being arrested and facing the system instead of police showing up and telling them to take a walk around the block to cool off. These changes happened because the system realized one inevitable fact: that domestic violence is a crime of escalation, even when there are significant periods of "cooling off" in between. So, in the bigger picture attempt to protect victims, DV is now treated like any other violent crime and there's no "free pass" just because the victim was a significant other and doesn't want the full barage of consequences to come to fruition. Ultimately, yes, many victims do face problems associated with consequences for their abuser. But at the end of the day, in the much bigger (and yes, impersonal) picture, the system's ultimate goal is to have you alive, even that means struggling.

Condensing all of that into a short, politically incorrect, yet accurate, answer in a nutshell is: people don't get off the hook for committing violent crimes just because they have financial responsibility for other people. There is also a strong aspect that is unique to DV cases that financial reliance on an abuser causes victims to throw all other aspects out the window in favor of the immediate fear of losing that support.

On the flip side, your situation is, unfortunately, not unique. But that being the case also means that a lot of other people before you have faced the challenges that you might be facing. Find them, and LEARN from them. Find out what unseen things they had to deal with, what they tried that didn't work, and what DID work. Lots of help is available, whether you prefer face to face help like a domestic violence support group, or whether you prefer more private assistance from things like websites, books, or anonymous online boards and chats, or some combination of these. There are assistance programs at many levels, including direct financial assistance from things like state-level crime victim compensation funds, to county-level assistance, to fiancial aid to go back to school to enhance job skills, to funds available through domestic violence agencies to help with deposits and utilities, and so on and on. The best place to start is with your local domestic violence program. They help folks with these same issues every day, and are a too often overlooked resource for folks who have stopped the violence, yet are struggling to move on.

Catherine, excellent post. Betty3

Unfortunately I am educated and employed so I dont qualify for any aide. I just have to sell my house and move into an apartment with my kids and more than likely quit my job because i don't have the money to pay for extended care anymore. Lesson learned, never call the cops, this is far worse than anything I have had to endure up until now.

You really do need some counseling. (it's sounds bitchy, but it's not meant that way, it's just difficult to do "tone" online sometimes.)

Your children should NOT have to live in a home with an abuser.

They should not have to grow up believing that is just the way men are, and women should just put up with it.

They should not grow up believing that love hurts.

I've been both poor and in a situation such as yours. I picked poor. (and now I'm engaged to a doctor who treats me with respect and love!!)

One last point.

The criminal justice system didn't ruin his life... and neither did you.

He is a big boy... old enough to have a wife and family.

He ruined his own life when he decided that the best way to negotiate with you was by breaking your nose.

If a school bully had beaten your child to this level, you would demand retribution.

If he doesn't get punished and counseled, you will not be last woman he treats this way... and her blood will be on your hands.

or her own...(again)

or her childrens'

or an innocent police officer who is making a dv call.

I dont remember saying I wasnt planning on getting counseling. however you need to work on your reading skills bc not once did I say I was taking him back or that he was living in this house. HE IS NOT and I did say that in a previous post. He has never once laid his hands on any of the children, either. If his "sentence" is mandatory counseling, I agree with that wholeheartedly. Heck he should have to volunteer his time doing something worthwhile, what I am saying is prison and losing his job does not seem like a punishment for this crime. If he ever touched me or another woman again, then yes he should go to jail bc he is proving it wasnt a stupid impulsive one time act that he regretted and is getting help to resolve. I know people who drive drunk, repeatedly and they get NOTHING...that is the point of my vent. I also do not want to go into court and testify against him. They have my statement they have pictures, I just want to put it behind me and move on from here to something better.

Another case related question: Does it look better for him if he attends anger management courses before he goes to trial?
He plans on attending them, but his lawyer says he might as well wait til after the trial, whereas I have read it looks better if he starts now.
He turned himself into the cops, and admitted to hitting me that one time in the face, so I think since he is cooperating, and already admitted that he did it, at this point all he can do is try to prove that he is attempting to change his ways and get counseling.

Quote:

---

Quoting iaa135

---

I dont remember saying I wasnt planning on getting counseling. however you need to work on your reading skills bc not once did I say I was taking him back or that he was living in this house. HE IS NOT and I did say that in a previous post. He has never once laid his hands on any of the children, either. If his "sentence" is mandatory counseling, I agree with that wholeheartedly. Heck he should have to volunteer his time doing something worthwhile, what I am saying is prison and losing his job does not seem like a punishment for this crime. If he ever touched me or another woman again, then yes he should go to jail bc he is proving it wasnt a stupid impulsive one time act that he regretted and is getting help to resolve. I know people who drive drunk, repeatedly and they get NOTHING...that is the point of my vent. I also do not want to go into court and testify against him. They have my statement they have pictures, I just want to put it behind me and move on from here to something better.

---

If I, a complete stranger, would walk up to you and strike you hard enough to break your nose, would you want me removed from society until I could prove I was no longer a danger to others?

So do the rest of us. The fact that you find his freedom convenient to your financial well being has no bearing.

Some judges will consider it more than others, but doing something of one's own accord before being ordered to do it by a court can't hurt. Anger management is ok, but it has the downside of making both the perpetrator and the victim believe that anger alone caused the violence (ignoring much bigger aspects like privilege) - so if there is a specific program for domestic violence as opposed to anger management, that would be the preferred course of action (anger management is often ordered when there's not a specific DV-related course in the area but is NOT the preferred choice). Again, your local domestic violence program can make the best referral, or they may actually offer such courses themselves.

If he's willing to spend some time reading up on how exposure to domestic violence impacts children, on the reasons WHY people commit domestic violence (anger is actually pretty far down on the list), and can articulate his understanding of these concepts and how they apply to his situation, that'll go a LOT further than standing in front of the judge at sentencing than just saying "I'm sorry". In other words, the more he is willing to take responsibility, understand why he thought his actions were ok at the time, that he needs help, and shows willingness to seek and get that help (for his own sake and for the sake of his kids, and maybe even his marriage with you at some point in the future, who knows), the better chance he has at convincing the court that confinement might not be the best option and that maybe probation so that he can get help and continue to support his family is a more attractive one. That's something that we here can't predict.

Also be aware that if there's not already one in place, along with even a "minor" sentence will usually come the issuing of a no-contact or restraining order. He abolutely needs to honor that order until such time as the court lifts it, lest he face additional criminal charges and certain incarceration. This can make things tuff for activities like seeing the kids, but it CAN be done with a little wiggle - again, consult your local DV program to find out about child exchange programs or supervised visitation options available in your area.

Quote:

---

Quoting iaa135

---

Another case related question: Does it look better for him if he attends anger management courses before he goes to trial?
He plans on attending them, but his lawyer says he might as well wait til after the trial, whereas I have read it looks better if he starts now.
He turned himself into the cops, and admitted to hitting me that one time in the face, so I think since he is cooperating, and already admitted that he did it, at this point all he can do is try to prove that he is attempting to change his ways and get counseling.

---

While classes prior to trial won't hurt, STOP TALKING TO YOUR HUSBAND!!!

You have an order against him. Him TALKING to you violates it.

I know you think it is another of those stupid "laws", but judges tend to take court orders pretty seriously.

actually the order does not prohibit him from speaking to me. It prohibits him from abusing me further, physically, mentally, emotionally...and from staying at the house or taking my car. However it explicitly says on there we can speak and arrange visitation with the children, since he has never once harmed them.
Thanks for the heads up on specific domestic violence classes. That is not something I have ever heard of, and I guess i thought anger management was the class he needed. I will definitely look into that.

Quote:

---

Quoting cyjeff

---

While classes prior to trial won't hurt, STOP TALKING TO YOUR HUSBAND!!!

You have an order against him. Him TALKING to you violates it.

I know you think it is another of those stupid "laws", but judges tend to take court orders pretty seriously.

---

I am not ignorant don't talk to me like I am. You are as bad as the loser clerk in court that talked crap about me in front of me because she heard that the women there didn't speak english...not the case. So she felt high and mighty in her 30K a year job, wow high class, at least the two of you can feel good about yourselves putting people you don't know down. I am guessing there is some counseling for that also.