How Can I Get My Support Payment Lowered?

My question involves child support in the State of: Ohio

I found out that my ex is making a substantial amount of money more than I do a month. Her house hold income is 50k and mine is around 12k. I pay about 1/3 of my income just to child support with back support. I've never asked for a reduction before, but I cannot afford to live on my own, and the financial strain is over bearing. I've contacted my case worker, but who knows when they will respond (if ever).

With that said, I really do not trust the agency, how does that work? Is that a good enough reason to reduce my support?

I believe you can request from the agency a " modification review form", you would have to ask them, then if it is sent you will need to read it completely then fill it out and return.

Here is the website, maybe you can search it for more information while you are waiting on a return call.

http://jfs.ohio.gov/ocs/

By the way, her household income doesn't matter.

Just HER income matters.

I don't agree. Her husband agreed to share all expenses and raise my child in my place. I don't know how only her income matters when they are both equally responsible for each other's finances, and especially when they split the bills.

I know that is not an interpretation of the law, JMHO.

Doesnt matter what her husband agrees to he is a legal stranger in this. He can chose to not care for the child at all if he wants. He has no "legal" obligation to support this child.

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Quoting tabletopphoto

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I don't agree. Her husband agreed to share all expenses and raise my child in my place. I don't know how only her income matters when they are both equally responsible for each other's finances, and especially when they split the bills.

I know that is not an interpretation of the law, JMHO.

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Here's another way to look at the law:

What if you were married, and your wife happened to have a large income. Would you want your CS obligation to greatly INCREASE because of your wife's income?

The law is that the only people who are legally responsible for a child's financial support are that child's parents, therefore only the parents' incomes are relevent.

If I married a woman who makes more than I, it isn't her responsibility to pay for my child. No that isn't fair. It is also unfair for the payer of support to pay extra child support when the custodial parent has had a life style increase because of marriage or career change which are circumstances beyond the control of the payer of child support. On the same note, how is it fair to the non custodial parent to be forced to contribute to the expenses of the life style the custodial parent decides to live when the non-custodial has no say-so in the matter?

Aren't marriages considered 50/50? How does the law view marriage? If I were were collecting child support and married someone who makes more than I do, then i would have the support lowered because I don't need as much anymore.

Since child support is meant to cover the means of every day expenses involved in raising a child, by proxy the step parent is supporting the child through utility bills and groceries. My burden would be lessened because of the second income. The step parent of the child may not be obligated, but shares the same basic necessities and knew the situation going into the marriage. The step parent and the child share the same shower, same toilet, same phone number, same 4 walls, same dinner plate, same heating and air conditioning unit, same drinking water, ect ect, and the step parent is paying for atleast half of the living expenses at home. How does that not count?

I'm not writing this to debate you, just trying to make sense of a slanted system and laws that seem to not make any sense to me.

We did not write the laws. You asked a question we got an answer. I am sorry its not what you wanted to hear. You are certainly free to request a deduction based on your Ex's husbands income. It might be granted who knows

*sigh* I appreciate your answer. Thank you for you're time. I hope I didn't sound ungrateful. This is very stressful.

I don't understand how you can believe this:

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Quoting tabletopphoto

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If I married a woman who makes more than I, it isn't her responsibility to pay for my child. No that isn't fair.

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And then say this:

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Aren't marriages considered 50/50?

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and

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Her husband agreed to share all expenses and raise my child in my place. I don't know how only her income matters when they are both equally responsible for each other's finances, and especially when they split the bills.

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And no, not all marriages are 50/50 in the way you think.

I think you are being sexist, OP.

Because your ex is married to a man, he is expected to help support YOUR children.

But if you married a woman, she would not be expected to help support YOUR children.

Can you explain this?

~Christina

Let me put it like this:
Wife earns 100,000 per year, has no children, and no desire to have any.

Husband earns 40,000 per year and has 2 children from previous marriage. Wife and husband buy a house and 2 kids live with them. They split the house hold bills 50/50.
Wife hands over half the money for the house payment, gas, lights, groceries etc. She has more left over than him each month. Her left over each month she spends on designer clothes or gamgling or whatever ...why should it go to help support someone else's kids? Maybe she has a neice or nephew or a charity she would rather spend her money on. That's what 50/50 means to a smart woman. Her left overs to spend as she chooses. :)
With the way you interpret it, the court then tells her to spend her money on his kids. It should NEVER work this way.

Would you marry someone who has children and then ignore their needs? If you were a single parent would you want to marry somone who didn't also love the child/children? I don't see how anyone could marry someone and say "The children are your responsibility and your problem. I want nothing to do with them. The bills are all yours, the mortgage is all yours, the utilities are all yours, I'll buy food but the children cannot have any. I won't play with them, or help them in school, etc etc etc." I've never met that kind of person.

I know what is reality and what the law says are two differnt things. I'm just trying to find a loophole because my ex took my child and hung me out to dry. Its not about trying to avoid my responsibility towards my child, but trying to survive on what little I earn at the moment. I have my needs to look after aswell.

Seems nearly everyone who comes here and doesnt like what they hear looks for loopholes.:rolleyes: There arent any. You are free to petition the court with your claims. However the husband is "not" legally bound (note legal not moral) to support, love the child(ren). You and your Ex support the child thats why is based on your two incomes!

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Quoting mmmagique

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I think you are being sexist, OP.

Because your ex is married to a man, he is expected to help support YOUR children.

But if you married a woman, she would not be expected to help support YOUR children.

Can you explain this?

~Christina

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I don't want anyone to raise my children except me. The problem is that I cannot afford to live. I didn't choose to abandon my child. I wasn't the one who broke things off and did everything I could to be part of his life The mother and child live comfortably, and I'm forced to struggle. I had a financial fall out and had to take a job that only pays minimum wage. I live a very basic life style. I don't have a car (or a payment), I don't have a mortgage. I do have to buy food, and contribute to the utilities. By the end of the month I still have have more expenses than income and have zero money left over to save. I don't have a car, don't have the means to finance so I need to save for a car, need to save to get out of the nest, need to save thousands of dollars for lawyer feels, to travel hundreds of miles out of state, motel, and to eat. How is that fair?

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Quoting gigirle

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Let me put it like this:
Wife earns 100,000 per year, has no children, and no desire to have any.

Husband earns 40,000 per year and has 2 children from previous marriage. Wife and husband buy a house and 2 kids live with them. They split the house hold bills 50/50.
Wife hands over half the money for the house payment, gas, lights, groceries etc. She has more left over than him each month. Her left over each month she spends on designer clothes or gamgling or whatever ...why should it go to help support someone else's kids? Maybe she has a neice or nephew or a charity she would rather spend her money on. That's what 50/50 means to a smart woman. Her left overs to spend as she chooses. :)
With the way you interpret it, the court then tells her to spend her money on his kids. It should NEVER work this way.

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That sound very one sided and very convenient for the mother. The courts tell me how I to spend my money with no regard to what I can afford or how will it will effect my standard of living. I'm still obligated to pay, and my ability to pay in full is irrelevant. Either pay up or go to jail.

I don't have the luxury of surplus spending money. I don't have the luxury to save anything I can fall back on in the event of hardship. I don't have money to give to charity. I don't have money to waste on designer clothes or to throw away in the lottery. I cannot afford to live independently.

My ex suffers no hardship. My son has his needs met with or with out child support. If I were to die right now, he would not suffer. My ex is using the system to reach as deeply into my pocket as she can, I have no right to my children (which is my fault), and I cannot afford the lawyer to fix that.

Nor am I a bum either. I'm doing everything I can to get back on my feet. I need a car to get to work. Its hard to get to work when you need a car to get there. I want to go to college, but don't have transportation to get there. I'm doing everything I can to be a productive member of society and be able to take care of my son's needs. Unfortunatly I cannot be much help to him if I cannot take care of myself also.

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Quoting tabletopphoto

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I don't want anyone to raise my children except me. The problem is that I cannot afford to live.

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So since you can't afford to live, you want someone else to raise your children... or do you just want them to pay for your children?

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How is that fair?

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My parents used to tell us the fair only comes once a year. Other than that, life never is fair, build a bridge and get over it.

Oh, I get it. You want someone to sit on your pity pot with you because you don't have the luxury of having extra spending money. I'm not going to do it. The fact that I make twice as much as my ex has nothing to do with his obligation to provide financial support for our child.

Yes, realistically, he can stop paying support today and my lifestyle would not change one bit, however, that doesn't make a difference. The fact is this, the custodial parent often times puts out MUCH more money in support than the noncustodial parent does, by virtue of having the child in the home. You want someone to feel sorry for you because you don't live the life she does. So WHAT? Be happy with what you have and if you don't like it, change it. If you can't change it, stop griping about it. Whining in a man is sooo unattractive.

There are TONS of custodial dads not only on this site, but in this world who don't get a dime in support and struggle everyday to support their kids while their ex wives and girlfriends are living the life having some other man support them. They are hard pressed to come on here and do all this whining. They do just like custodial moms do, go to work do what they can and put one foot in front of the other, every day. You ought to take a page out of that book.

CC is 100% correct I am such a custodial Father. I get no monies from my Ex yet she seems to have time and money to travel. We own no car and live paycheck to paycheck. When we do come into money (tax return normally) we take kids out to a theme park and buy them things. I am not sitting whinning about poor me and how Ex seems to enjoy life. No I make the best of things and am very very happy

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Quoting tabletopphoto

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need to save thousands of dollars for lawyer feels, How is that fair?

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It's NOT! I've always gotten those for free! ;):D

~Christina

I'm gonna try and not blast you into next week!

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The courts tell me how I to spend my money with no regard to what I can afford or how will it will effect my standard of living.

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This is only partly the truth. The court only tells you to support the children and it's based on your income. At an income of 12,000 a year, it's NOT enough to support them to any lavish lifestyle. Its enough to equal yours if the mother is frugal and even that is a stretch. Honestly, what does it equal to 100-150 per month? That doesn't cover lunch at my kids school for the month.

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My ex suffers no hardship. My son has his needs met with or with out child support. If I were to die right now, he would not suffer. My ex is using the system to reach as deeply into my pocket as she can, I have no right to my children (which is my fault), and I cannot afford the lawyer to fix that.

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Your ex isn't "using the system" she's sticking up for your son and making you take responsiblity for your child. How exactly is that using the system? Unless I'm missing something here. Why should a stranger (step dad is exactly that a legal stranger) HAVE to support your child? Because he didn't get the bad breaks you did? Your blaming your ex for all of your poor decisions/hardships. I base that last comment per your own comment about not having any rights to your child. Thats YOUR fault.

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Nor am I a bum either. I'm doing everything I can to get back on my feet. I need a car to get to work. Its hard to get to work when you need a car to get there. I want to go to college, but don't have transportation to get there. I'm doing everything I can to be a productive member of society and be able to take care of my son's needs. Unfortunatly I cannot be much help to him if I cannot take care of myself also.

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I dont see you as a bum either. Rather a fence sitter. Like to cry poor me and claim your doing everything you can, but lay stagnant. With your income and CS demands, there isn't a community college in this county that I know of that you wouldn't attend for free. I also don't know why if a car is the issue why your wouldn't take out student loans to pay for one. Your just not going about it the right way. If your serious about going back to school, you should speak with the admissions and financial aid office at the college nearest to you. Otherwise, it's still excuses and someone elses fault. No one said life would be fair, so why is it that you think it should be for you?

I still don't understand why you think that someone elses income should be used to raise YOUR offspring.
Whoever said whinning was UNATTRACTIVE hit the nail on the head!

It is my fault because I listened to the wrong advice for too long. I was constantly told that I couldn't do stuff, but I'm not here to talk about my past and that is pretty irrelevant right now. As far as college goes, there are no schools in my area that teach what I need and the closest is a half hour away on the high way.

As far as her using the system. When you are told that she doesn't need money, the child's costs are covered, and isn't that important to her by her, its using the system. She knows how much the CS is effecting my finances, she could have asked the court to lower the support or graciously forgive the back support attached to the CS order so the obligation would go down, but refuses to do so. I would consider that using the system.

I really don't care about the money. I would be happy with a temporary reduction until I can get back on my feet and become stable again. The other way I see it is I could be using some of that money to pay for a plane ticket for my son to come up to visit or cover other expenses like savings in an ira, college fund, or trust for my son.

Woman don't realize how good they have it. They are granted rights the second the child is born, and can do what ever they want. Us men have to fight tooth and nail for our rights and go broke in the process. The system isn't built to be in the best interest of the child. If it did it would be designed to protect the family structure and automatically grant visitation rights. It would keep the mother from alienating her child from the child's father. The system is built around collecting a tax (processing fees), the best interest of the woman, and has no regard for the needs of the man. If it was really in the best interest of the child, the father's needs would be considered so he could be an effective care-giver when the father has the child. As long as we pay our obligation, we could live under a bridge for all they care.

In everything else, the government calculates on hose hold income. If a person wants to apply for government assistance they base eligibility on house hold income. They base school loans on hose hold income. Its always house hold income. I really see no difference.

A married woman doesn't have the expenses of a single woman. She shares that with the husband, and the husband still contributes to the care of that child indirectly. He is still paying for that child to live under the same roof legally obligated or not. She doesn't have to worry about transportation because she shares that with the husband (its not my responsibility to make sure she has a second car), she only has to pay half of the utilities because she shares that with the husband. She only has to pay half of the groceries. All the mother has to worry about on her own is clothing and doctor bill. Aside from that, the child needs nothing else. The child doesn't need new name-brand clothes. I could cloth a child for a whole year with one CS payment through second hand stores.

For the most part, I'm all for contributing to the care of my child. I want to be involved in every aspect of his life. The thing is that even though I want to be a good father, I didn't make the choice to move out of state and take him with me. The way I see it, the second she did that, she decided to take the brunt of raising the child.

It wasn't my choice. It was out of my control. It was through no fault of my own. I was there and never left and I didn't want her to leave. I wasn't asked and had no say in the matter. It shouldn't be my responsibility to pay for the decisions she made.

I want to contribute to raising my child. I want to pay for school. I want to pay for clothes. I want to pay for the stuff he needs. On the other hand, its not my job to make sure the electric stays on. Its not my job to make sure there is food on the table. Its not my job to make sure the rent is paid. Its not my job to make sure there is running water. If you ladies are woman enough to walk out of a relationship and raise the child on your own, then you are woman enough pay your own way and bear the full burden of raising the child on your own. If you cannot do that, then you don't deserve custody.

Woman get away with everything and aren't held responsible for their own actions. The system doesn't put the same standards on woman because its biased towards woman. The child support system doesn't put her under a microscope and demand she holds a full time job and be financially responsible. The system doesn't demand her to report employment and income. The system doesn't force her to report what she does with her monthly check. The system doesn't force her to return surplus money back to the father. Maybe once the system starts holding the woman financially responsible like they do the father, woman would stop running out of relationships, woman would stop using the system as an income stream, and maybe children being born out of wedlock will go down.

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Quoting tabletopphoto

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It is my fault because I listened to the wrong advice for too long. I was constantly told that I couldn't do stuff, but I'm not here to talk about my past and that is pretty irrelevant right now. As far as college goes, there are no schools in my area that teach what I need and the closest is a half hour away on the high way.

As far as her using the system. When you are told that she doesn't need money, the child's costs are covered, and isn't that important to her by her, its using the system. She knows how much the CS is effecting my finances, she could have asked the court to lower the support or graciously forgive the back support attached to the CS order so the obligation would go down, but refuses to do so. I would consider that using the system.

I really don't care about the money. I would be happy with a temporary reduction until I can get back on my feet and become stable again. The other way I see it is I could be using some of that money to pay for a plane ticket for my son to come up to visit or cover other expenses like savings in an ira, college fund, or trust for my son.

Woman don't realize how good they have it. They are granted rights the second the child is born, and can do what ever they want. Us men have to fight tooth and nail for our rights and go broke in the process. The system isn't built to be in the best interest of the child. If it did it would be designed to protect the family structure and automatically grant visitation rights. It would keep the mother from alienating her child from the child's father. The system is built around collecting a tax (processing fees), the best interest of the woman, and has no regard for the needs of the man. If it was really in the best interest of the child, the father's needs would be considered so he could be an effective care-giver when the father has the child. As long as we pay our obligation, we could live under a bridge for all they care.

In everything else, the government calculates on hose hold income. If a person wants to apply for government assistance they base eligibility on house hold income. They base school loans on hose hold income. Its always house hold income. I really see no difference.

A married woman doesn't have the expenses of a single woman. She shares that with the husband, and the husband still contributes to the care of that child indirectly. He is still paying for that child to live under the same roof legally obligated or not. She doesn't have to worry about transportation because she shares that with the husband (its not my responsibility to make sure she has a second car), she only has to pay half of the utilities because she shares that with the husband. She only has to pay half of the groceries. All the mother has to worry about on her own is clothing and doctor bill. Aside from that, the child needs nothing else. The child doesn't need new name-brand clothes. I could cloth a child for a whole year with one CS payment through second hand stores.

For the most part, I'm all for contributing to the care of my child. I want to be involved in every aspect of his life. The thing is that even though I want to be a good father, I didn't make the choice to move out of state and take him with me. The way I see it, the second she did that, she decided to take the brunt of raising the child.

It wasn't my choice. It was out of my control. It was through no fault of my own. I was there and never left and I didn't want her to leave. I wasn't asked and had no say in the matter. It shouldn't be my responsibility to pay for the decisions she made.

I want to contribute to raising my child. I want to pay for school. I want to pay for clothes. I want to pay for the stuff he needs. On the other hand, its not my job to make sure the electric stays on.

Um, partially it is. You are responsible for your portion of your childs basic needs, not her husband!

Its not my job to make sure there is food on the table. See my previous response.

Its not my job to make sure the rent is paid. See my previous response.

Its not my job to make sure there is running water. See my previous response.

If you ladies are woman enough to walk out of a relationship and raise the child on your own, then you are woman enough pay your own way and bear the full burden of raising the child on your own. If you cannot do that, then you don't deserve custody.

You would not be able to raise the child on your own with your income, so how do you expect her to do so. GEEZ!

Woman get away with everything and aren't held responsible for their own actions.

No they don't and they are held responsible. Well, maybe I should say CPs. They are the ones that have to take off work with the child when he/she is sick. They have to take them to Drs appointments, do homework with them, cook, clean and all of the other things that the NCP doesn't have to do on a regular basis.

The system doesn't put the same standards on woman because its biased towards woman. The child support system doesn't put her under a microscope and demand she holds a full time job and be financially responsible.The system doesn't demand her to report employment and income. The system doesn't force her to report what she does with her monthly check. It doesn't have toThe system doesn't force her to return surplus money back to the father. Maybe once the system starts holding the woman financially responsible like they do the father, woman would stop running out of relationships, woman would stop using the system as an income stream, and maybe children being born out of wedlock will go down.

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:wallbang:

Wow, after 3 pages, you still don't get it. You wouldn't be able to raise the child fully on your own so why would you expect her to? Maybe she realized that the relationship wasn't working out and instead of staying with you just for the child she decided to move on, it happens. You need to move on also. Stop complaining.

Newsflash!!! If you had been married to the woman at the time that the child was born, you would have equal rights to the child without having to "fight tooth and nail". That's just what happens when you make the decision to put the cart before the horse. I'm not talking down to you for doing it because I also had a child out of wedlock but it is something that you must accept and move on.

If times are so hard for you get a second job.

I would love to work a second job. Unfortunatly my health won't allow it. Since you know nothing about me, my circumstances, my situation, you really cannot assume anything.

Its the females that don't get it because they don't have to. I'm gonna leave it at that.

I am a female and I do get it. I get it because I've seen it from both sides of the story, as a single mother and as a wife to someone with a previous child by another woman.

With my own child, I know that when I was getting child support before we got married (my son's father is my now husband), I was spending more or my own money on my child than I was being given in support so I KNOW from experience.

The child that he child he has with another woman, while I love her dearly is not my child and I should not be REQUIRED to pay for her. If I chose to, which I do from time to time when she is with us, then cool, but I should not be held responsible for a child that I didn't help create. That is my husband's and his ex's responsibility.

I've seen him struggle from time to time with the child support system with how much he's paying but he HAS to support his child no matter what and will do anything he can to do so. That sir, is what a man does. Grow up.

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Quoting tabletopphoto

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I would love to work a second job. Unfortunatly my health won't allow it. Since you know nothing about me, my circumstances, my situation, you really cannot assume anything.

Its the females that don't get it because they don't have to. I'm gonna leave it at that.

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I think that's part of the problem with this thread. You have not provided a complete picture. Here are some questions that would help us to understand the situation:

How old is the child?
How old was the child when your ex left you?
How old was the child when they moved?
How often did you see the child before they moved?
Did you ever file for custody or visitation?
Did you ever try to legally stop the move?
How long ago did the mother move?
Are you also paying arrears?
Does the mother want you to terminate your rights?
How and when was paternity established?

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Quoting Neal1421

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:wallbang:

Newsflash!!! If you had been married to the woman at the time that the child was born, you would have equal rights to the child without having to "fight tooth and nail".

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The child deserves his father in his life regardless of the parents marital status when the child was born. Why should the child be force to suffer because the law doesn't recognize the unmarried father, and because of the law, be forced to be used as a tool against the father as soo many power hungry mothers successfully do.

Does it really make sense to you that a married father has rights and an unmarried father doesn't? A married father is no better a parent than an unmarried father. That isn't in the best interest of the child. I've helped raise 3 children from one of my friends. I'm like an uncle to all 3 of those children, and I probably have more parenting experience than most full time mothers with only 1 child. There aren't any of my friends children that I haven't formed a close bond with because the parents come to me when they need help.

The mother of the three children I mentioned used to be a single mother who raised her children with out the father in her life and with out child support. She cusses up and down about how screwed up the system is towards people in my situation, and if she ever had the chance, tell my son's mother off for her selfishness. Married couples with grown children feel the same way.

The law, the way it is, is destroying lives and families. I know as a fact from experience. I'm a Boy Scout leader who works with inner city teens. Its really easy for you to sit on your ivory tower and judge me and call me a complainer, but I see how broken families, dead-beat custodial parents, lazy and truly irresponsible parents, and the kind of people you are sticking up for has effected children more than the average person ever will. The children suffer and between you and the law, the abuse is enabled. Pat yourself on the back.

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Quoting queenie2

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I think that's part of the problem with this thread. You have not provided a complete picture. Here are some questions that would help us to understand the situation:

How old is the child?
How old was the child when your ex left you?
How old was the child when they moved?
How often did you see the child before they moved?
Did you ever file for custody or visitation?
Did you ever try to legally stop the move?
How long ago did the mother move?
Are you also paying arrears?
Does the mother want you to terminate your rights?
How and when was paternity established?

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I never filed for visitation, because I didn't see the need for it for a time and nor have I had the money to go after it. Beyond that, I already have the answers the rest of the questions and I really don't wish to go any further in this thread since I'm branded the bad guy with out knowing the whole history.

Having never filed for visitation tells us much and its not showing you in a favorable light

You were right about one thing.
You need an education.

You're lucky you posted in this forum. I know of another legal forum where both men and women would have torn you to shreds. This is the gentler, nicer forum...

Oh, and if I had your information, I bet I could figure out a way to get you to that school, if you really wanted to go.

But, it's more fun to whine about you have to support your child.

You said: "For the most part, I'm all for contributing to the care of my child."
Do you have any idea how...ridiculous that sounds? At all?

A few more quotes just for fun:

"The system doesn't put the same standards on woman because its biased towards woman." Wrong.

"The child support system doesn't put her under a microscope and demand she holds a full time job and be financially responsible." Many women are the ncp, and yes, they are given the same treatment as the men.

"The system doesn't demand her to report employment and income." ABSOLUTELY FALSE. She doesn't have to report her husband's because YOUR child is not HIS responsibility. Just like if you get married again, you will not have to report your wife's.

"The system doesn't force her to report what she does with her monthly check." of course it doesn't. Don't you think the government has more important things to do than oversee every penny your wife spends?

"The system doesn't force her to return surplus money back to the father." *snort* More like, the system doesn't force the ncp to make up the difference between what is actually spent, and what is received in cs.

"Maybe once the system starts holding the woman financially responsible like they do the father, woman would stop running out of relationships, woman would stop using the system as an income stream, and maybe children being born out of wedlock will go down." Women are held financially responsible, just like men. Maybe once men realize that they WILL BE held financially responsible for any children the CHOOSE to help create, children being born out of wedlock will go down.
Maybe.
I can't wait to see what the single dads are going to say to you. The ones with custody, and without.

You sound very young; do you mind if I ask how old you are?

~Christina

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Quoting tabletopphoto

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I never filed for visitation, because I didn't see the need for it for a time and nor have I had the money to go after it. Beyond that, I already have the answers the rest of the questions and I really don't wish to go any further in this thread since I'm branded the bad guy with out knowing the whole history.

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Uh, MY point is that we don't know the history and you aren't very forthcoming about it. If the whole history would have changed the way you're viewed, then why haven't you provided it?

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I already have the answers the rest of the questions

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Are you saying that you answered the other questions? Did I miss something? I've reread your posts more than once, and I didn't see any of that information. Did I miss it?

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Quoting mmmagique

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You're lucky you posted in this forum. I know of another legal forum where both men and women would have torn you to shreds. This is the gentler, nicer forum...

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AGREED!!! I know the site you're referring to, and I have to admit, I hope he finds it and posts there!! :D

(If he does, he'll really appreciate the responses he got here!)

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Quoting panther10758

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Having never filed for visitation tells us much and its not showing you in a favorable light

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Maybe its not your business.

You made this whole issue our business when you posted your question! You are certainly free to stop posting and therefore get no further replies;)

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Quoting tabletopphoto

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Maybe its not your business.

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You sir, are a piece of work. Good Day!

:eek:

I told myself I wasn't going to do this, but I just can't help it...Sir, please leave the WOMAN part out of it. I am a mom NCP to 3 beautiful little boys. I can understand your frustration, that the court system doesn't seem to take your ability to live and survive when considering your child support amount. Believe me, I know. I cannot survive on my own. Financially impossible. Doing my bills and basic needs with a financial planner several times over, proved that to me. But that's life. Sorry. Deal. Convince yourself that every penny is being spent directly on your child. Whatever it takes, but at least leave the man v. woman issue out of it. As a mother who's a NCP, put yourself in my shoes for a minute...imagine all the frustration you are feeling, then add to the fact the bias that comes with being a mother who doesn't have custody over her children. Imagine nearly every day having to defend the fact that as a mother, I do not have my children. It is assumed that I did something bad. I know I did the right thing, but I still find myself having to defend it to complete strangers. Whine, complain, voice your frustration, but please, please, please get over your ex and stop with the woman hate before it eats you alive.

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Quoting queenie2

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Uh, MY point is that we don't know the history and you aren't very forthcoming about it. If the whole history would have changed the way you're viewed, then why haven't you provided it?



Are you saying that you answered the other questions? Did I miss something? I've reread your posts more than once, and I didn't see any of that information. Did I miss it?

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You missed alot I guess. The thing is I don't want to divulge, and I don't want to bore you with the details. Its too emotional for me.

I will say that I have done everything a good parent would do for his child, but the mother only thinks about herself, alienated me from my child, got married, my son is being raised by another man, I've been suffering from a chronic illness for the majority of his (my son) life, didn't have the energy or the money to fight her, and thought that she might someday get past her ego and be reasonable.

The fact is I was never never abandoned him, never abusive, no criminal records, no drug abuse records, no legal reason for her to keep him from me. When she married, she moved out of state, wouldn't tell me her address, wouldn't give me a phone number, still won't allow me to know my son in any way. She travels to my state to visit family but won't let me know when does. She knows how to contact me but wont.

My son is 9 and doesn't know me asside from (what I'm told) a picture from Adam. I've never seen a birthday. Never got to give him a card or present. The last time I held him he was almost a year old. I know nothing about him and that wasn't my choice.

I had to hire somone to get her address just so I can serve her once I have the thousands of dollars its costs to hire a lawyer (whenever that will be), and possibly have to go out of state to fight her to make her let me see my son while being able to stay current on child support, pay bills, etc etc etc.

Legally she sits in a comfortable position and she knows it. She uses the system do further her agenda and I'm left with nothing except knowing that I'm paying child support for my son who I never get to see, but miss dearly.

Now that I'm finally getting effective treatment for my illness I have the physical and emotional energy to do something about it even though its more stress than I can handle right now. Its causing me to have anxiety attacks and severely effects me at work. I pay out a third of my income for him and has never been allowed to be in his life.

I never took it to court because I was too soft and was afraid court would make things worse between her and me. I didn't want my son to grow up with that kind of tension between his parents because I grew up with that in my life. I guess it was inevitable.

I'll give you that much, but to go into anymore detail is just too personal to share. You have the Reader's Digest version of the story. I'm just trying to survive and am extremely bitter. You can accuse me of what ever you want. You can rub what ever you want in my face. I really don't care anymore.

Actually, I don't think I missed a thing. There's a reason you won't divulge these things, just as there's a reason your ex would still involve your family in the child's life, but not you. There's a reason that continuing a relationship with your family hasn't become too uncomfortable for her, while not fostering a relationship with you. There's a reason you haven't legally tried to have a relationship with your child, and I don't think it's money. You can do that without a lawyer.

Frankly, I'm finally with Neal on this. "You sir, are a piece of work. Good Day! "

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Quoting kamikake

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I told myself I wasn't going to do this, but I just can't help it...Sir, please leave the WOMAN part out of it. I am a mom NCP to 3 beautiful little boys. I can understand your frustration, that the court system doesn't seem to take your ability to live and survive when considering your child support amount. Believe me, I know. I cannot survive on my own. Financially impossible. Doing my bills and basic needs with a financial planner several times over, proved that to me. But that's life. Sorry. Deal. Convince yourself that every penny is being spent directly on your child. Whatever it takes, but at least leave the man v. woman issue out of it. As a mother who's a NCP, put yourself in my shoes for a minute...imagine all the frustration you are feeling, then add to the fact the bias that comes with being a mother who doesn't have custody over her children. Imagine nearly every day having to defend the fact that as a mother, I do not have my children. It is assumed that I did something bad. I know I did the right thing, but I still find myself having to defend it to complete strangers. Whine, complain, voice your frustration, but please, please, please get over your ex and stop with the woman hate before it eats you alive.

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Force myself to believe? I cannot lie to myself. I've done that for years. She outright admitted that she doesn't need the money, or really want the money. Then what is she doing with it? Why doesn't she just drop child support all together? I don't know. What else could she be doing with the money other than spending it on herself? Thats how all who are like her treat their child support money anyway.

Eats me alive? I've been there. I can't help but feel the way I do because the more I learn, and the more stories I read, the more it is reality to me. I'm not really referring to all woman, but it is a big problem in society. I don't know anyone who doesn't at least know someone who shares my problem.

The sad part is that I can't find any legitimate organizations who actually willing to help people in my position fight for my rights. Help for me just doesn't exist. For the most part all a woman has to do is file paper work and she gets what she wants just because she is the birth mother. I don't have that privilege. That is how the system is designed, and I feel like this on a daily basis :wallbang:

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Quoting queenie2

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Actually, I don't think I missed a thing. There's a reason you won't divulge these things, just as there's a reason your ex would still involve your family in the child's life, but not you. There's a reason that continuing a relationship with your family hasn't become too uncomfortable for her, while not fostering a relationship with you. There's a reason you haven't legally tried to have a relationship with your child, and I don't think it's money. You can do that without a lawyer.

Frankly, I'm finally with Neal on this. "You sir, are a piece of work. Good Day! "

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You still don't know everything. You still don't know the whole story. You know nothing except what I have shared and what you want to believe.

She doesn't want me in my sons life because she wanted to raise my son with out me and have another man be his father in my place. The only reason she won't talk to me is because she knows she is wrong, won't admit she was wrong, and that I will eventually ruin her plans in court. She knows that she is gonna have to explain herself to her son some day. She knows it will catch up to her eventually and is trying to ride it out as long as possible. Yeah. Like I posted earlier. You don't get it, and you never will, because you don't have to and probably never will experience it. Its all about you.

To quote several "self-hating" woman friends. "When it comes down to it, woman only think of themselves, ..,..,.., are close minded, are always right, and never admit when they are wrong. Its all about them and no one else." Maybe that really isn't true to all woman, but too many use the children and child support as a tool against the father just because they don't like him anymore. "Hell has no fury like a woman's scorn", is probably one of the truest statements ever made.