On Becoming Illegal

A friend sent me this in an e-mail:

On Becoming Illegal.
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Becoming Illegal (Actual letter from an Iowa resident and sent to his senator)

The Honorable Tom Harkin
731 Hart Senate Office Building
Phone (202) 224 3254
Washington DC, 20510

Dear Senator Harkin,

As a native Iowan and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.

My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to illegal alien stems from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill's provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out.

Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively?
This would yield an excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.

Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a year.

Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications, as well as 'in-state' tuition rates for many colleges throughout the United States for my son.

Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car insurance premiums. This is very important to me given that I still have college-age children driving my car.

If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative. Thank you for your assistance.

Your Loyal Constituent,
Donald Ruppert
Burlington , IA

Get your Forms (NOW)!! Call your Internal Revenue Service 1-800-289-1040.

Betty, I think I love you.

It's cute, but of course also silly. The partial payment of taxes doesn't serve as a release from other tax obligations; the IRS or state department of revenue could still pursue that if they wish.

And nothing would stop you, right now, from quitting your health insurance and using the E.R. as a primary provider. It would be stupid, but you can do it if you want.

As for how gaining "illegal" status would cut tuition or constitute in-state residency? Or allow you to legally drive without a license or insurance? The author should put down his crack pipe.

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Quoting aaron

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The author should put down his crack pipe.

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Hear hear. The complete ignorance and lack of compassion exhibited by the author is astonishing.

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Quoting aaron

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As for how gaining "illegal" status would cut tuition or constitute in-state residency? Or allow you to legally drive without a license or insurance? The author should put down his crack pipe.

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Illegal immigrants to this country have been granted "instate tuition" in several states.

Beginning in 2002, California, Illinois, Kansas, New Mexico, New York, Oklahoma Texas, Utah, and Washington enacted legislation allowing alien students who graduate from state high schools and have two to three years of residency apply and receive in-state tuition at one of their public colleges or universities, according to the National Conference of State Legislatures.

Are you also stating that, as part of the officials that check the illegals coming to this country, that they make SURE that every illegal has a valid driver's license and current insurance?

Approximately 20 percent of all car accidents nationwide involve a driver who lacks a valid license. (AAA Foundation For Traffic Safety. “Unlicensed to Kill: The Sequel”. Jan. 2003).

The estimated national average for uninsured drivers involved in accidents in 2004 was 13.3 percent,4 up from 12.7 percent in 1999.5 However, the average share of uninsured drivers in the ten states where illegal immigrants are allowed to receive licenses is 13.9 percent. Even more telling, the average share of uninsured drivers involved in accidents in the top ten illegal immigrant states is a whopping 14.7 percent. (Road and Travel Magazine. “Uninsured Drivers: State by State Stats from 1999-2005”. 2006. Data was calculated by using a ratio of insurance claims made by individuals who were injured by uninsured drivers to claims made by individuals who were injured by insured drivers.)

So, by either statute or practice, the elements in the letter are most certainly accurate.

We are the only country on the planet that feels obligated to provide medical care, education and welfare benefits to people that come to this country illegally. That money comes from OUR tax dollars.

Why do we even HAVE a border if we are not going to enforce it?

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Quoting LawResearcherMissy

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Hear hear. The complete ignorance and lack of compassion exhibited by the author is astonishing.

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Missy, you and I agree on 90% of the things here.

Are you saying that the US (and, more specifically, the US taxpayer) has an obligation to those that cross the border illegally?

I thought we HAD a mechanism in place to enter this country.

This is like saying that earning a living takes too long, so I will just steal the money... now that there are enough people stealing, we should just give amnesty to the theives as long as they promise to be good from now on.

That is not law. That is rewarding a lawbreaker for breaking the law.

And, before you start talking about the millions of illegals here, think of this. The number of times a law is broken does not mean the law is wrong.

For instance, if all the convicted DUI drivers walked on Washington, would you think it was time to offer amnesty? How about if all the pedophiles demanded the right to be forgiven and let into society without a single penalty for their crime?

You would be up in arms. But, for some reason, people that break one of our most fundamental and traditional laws - that of the sanctity of our very borders - are deemed "okay" and "not that bad". In fact, we reward them for breaking our laws and flaunting our traditions.

Please. Either we scrap the legal code or we enforce it. It is not the option of ANY person in this country what laws they will choose to follow.

As members of the legal community, I am honestly SHOCKED that you would see people openly breaking the law as some kind of humanitarian pet project.

You miss my point. You either qualify or your don't. If a particular school or state deems your status irrelevant, it's just that - irrelevant. Irrelevancies do not provide an advantage, as they don't enter the equation.

As for uninsured drivers getting into accidents (should I draw a Venn diagram to illustrate that your claim, alone, does not support the thesis that illegal immigrants are automatically more likely to get into accidents, even if we assume they're disproportionately uninsured), the claim was "illegal status would relieve me of ... making those burdensome car insurance premiums." That claim is false. You cannot redeem a falsehood by saying, "He could have said something dubious instead."

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We are the only country on the planet that feels obligated to provide medical care, education and welfare benefits to people that come to this country illegally.

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You base that belief upon what evidence? (And do you truly believe that?)

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Quoting cyjeff

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But, for some reason, people that break one of our most fundamental and traditional laws - that of the sanctity of our very borders - are deemed "okay" and "not that bad".

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Perhaps you should start by getting your history right. The modern concept of borders, passports and visas came about in the early 20th Century. Our "fundamental and traditional" approach to immigration is emblazoned on a plaque at the base of the Statute of Liberty.

You also seem to confuse concern with factual and legal accuracy with advocacy for a repeal of immigration law. To the contrary, getting your facts and law right help you build credibility, whatever side you are on.

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Are you saying that the US (and, more specifically, the US taxpayer) has an obligation to those that cross the border illegally?

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Where did I say that?

I said the author of the article is ignorant and lacking compassion. Because he is.

Don't put words in my mouth. I don't do it to you.

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We are the only country on the planet that feels obligated to provide medical care, education and welfare benefits to people that come to this country illegally.

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Citation, please.

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Quoting aaron

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The modern concept of borders, passports and visas came about in the early 20th Century.

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*nod*

The first real restrictions on immigration didn't come about til 1921, Border Patrol didn't show up til '26 and alien registration didn't come about til 1940.

The "fundamental and traditional" Immigration and Naturalization Act? 1952.

My immigrant ancestors merely showed up at Ellis Island in 1908. Oma Lillian and Opa Georg signed their names in a book, and that was that. "Hey there, welcome to America!" No visa, no passport, not even registration. They were here on Lady Liberty's "fundamental and traditional" invitation.

It never ceases to amaze me to find people who think the current situation is the way it has always been.

Kind of reminds me of the "TÜRKEN RAUS!" people when I lived in Germany in the late '80's. They HATED acknowledging that there were Ausländer Hilfe offices (literally, Foreigner Help) meant specifically to help aliens become legal and not starve to death while they were trying to do so.