Ok.. Of course everyone has a father but when I was in college I was dating my husband.. Well wild one night I was raped at a large event.. Well I wasn't sexually active with my husband (was boyfriend then)at the time... Anyways, my son was conceived from the rape and I myself through my faith, do not believe in abortion.. My husband has been there from the get go, has been the greatest daddy ever and now our son is 5 and he wants to formally adopt Nathan.. He would of done it before now but money has always been a concern because we were told its expensive...
Nathan knows nothing of his conception or that his "daddy" isn't his bio-father... We are wanting to do this legally and proper.. We have no idea where to go or where to start this process.. Will not knowing the bio-fathers name or where he lives be a HUGE problem or cause it to take longer? I am just anxious and ready to get the past in the past... Any suggestions or past experienced will be more than welcomed.. Thanks and God Bless!
Adoption Of My Son, Who Has No Birth Father
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05-20-2008, 08:41 AMAngelinamarie321Adoption Of My Son, Who Has No Birth Father
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05-20-2008, 09:07 AMBaystategirlRe: Adoption Of My Son-has No Birth FatherDid you report the rape?Quote:
Quoting Angelinamarie321
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05-20-2008, 09:19 AMAngelinamarie321Re: Adoption Of My Son-has No Birth Father
No.. I was intoxicated and we assumed he took advantage of me with the addition of a date rape drug.. I didn't go to the police because I was still slightly intoxicated before the rape took place.. I had a girl in my dorm hall try to report a rape before but when the police found out she had been partying they didn't do a dang thing... So out of fear I didn't.. The guy beat the mess out of me on top of raping me..
I was stupid and regret not going to the authorities at the time, I was a freshman in college and imbibing alcohol while underage... Just selfish/stupid nerves talked me out of filing a report...
Luckily my boyfriend who is now my husband stood by my side and took claim to Nathan.. My family all knows what happened and would love for him to adopt Nathan.. But now we don't know where to go or what to do, hoping that since we don't who or where this person is, that it won't slow down the process... Any suggestions..? -
05-20-2008, 09:35 AMBaystategirlRe: Adoption Of My Son-has No Birth FatherDid you go to the hospital? Is there ANY record of the rape?Quote:
Quoting Angelinamarie321
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05-20-2008, 10:10 AMAngelinamarie321Re: Adoption Of My Son, Who Has No Birth Father
I went to the hospital to treat my extensive injuries only.. I told them I had a 4 wheeler accident...But nada to do with the rape...
We understand we can lie and just have him added to the birth certificate by using a certified copy of marriage license and getting a document notarized, cheap and easy as pie...
But we are very involved in our faith and thought about "lying" but because we both had minuscule hesitation about lying, it let us know that we needed to go about it the right way... So that IF God forbid, something ever did come up, we won't get in legal trouble and Nathan won't be hurt at all..
He has my maiden name on his birth certificate but when people ask him his name he states the last name that I share with my husband and our younger daughter.. Since we didn't get married until a little while after he was born, I didn't put him on the birth certificate or label him as the father because only God knew the future we had together... But we did marry... And even had a little girl a few years after nathan... He will never know anything different, at least not from me or my family.. He is very much loved on both sides of the family...
I plan on eventually telling him the truth and letting him decide how to feel but not until he is much older... My husband would prefer not to tell him ever BUT I won't lie to my kids or take the chance of lying and then have it used against me later...
My dad was adopted by his step dad and didn't find out until he was 16 but he said he didn't care because that was the only dad he had ever known and that his step dad loved him unconditionally...
So, after that LONG winded explanation... Yes we considered the easy way but it would require us to put our signature on an permanent lie..
But we don't know how to get the adoption process going or with not knowing the bio-sperm guys name, what will ahppen or if he will be able to adopt our son...
We are a very christian family, very involved in church, assistant youth pastors, no smoking or drinking, I am a stay at home mom and my husband is a upstanding teacher.. So I see no reason as to why he could adopt Nathan except there is no dad to sign over rights... Help please! -
05-20-2008, 10:16 AMcyjeffRe: Adoption Of My Son, Who Has No Birth Father
I recommend strongly against committing fraud by falsifying court documents.
Talk to an adoption attorney about costs. The initial consult is usually free, but ask up front to make sure.
Do you know the name of your rapist? -
05-20-2008, 10:51 AMAngelinamarie321Re: Adoption Of My Son, Who Has No Birth Father
I wouldn't falsify documents.. We thought about how easy it would be but decided against it.. As easy as it would be, a lie is a lie.. And this is something life altering and important.. I would never do anything jeopardize my family.. So we are going to do it legally and honestly.. No matter the cost...
Nope, I know tids and bits BUT nothing that is helpful to anyone.. I know either a nickname or what people called him for short... It was pretty generic..
I left my college for the weekend and drove a few hours away to a random party near Dallas, Texas... I was there with some of my girlfriends and I started drinking.. He started talking to me, but i told him about my boyfriend... So we just chatted...
He just said people called him AJ, he told me he had a girlfriend and they went to school in another state.. He just wanted to make small talk with someone until he had to go.. He got me a drink, a few minutes later I started feeling ridiculously sick, he said he had some tums or whatever in his car, I vaguely remember walking towards the vacant lot where they parked the cars but thats where the memory stops.. Next thing I know I am at the hospital.. My friends had found me a few empty lots down, on the ground; bleeding and rambling
Those are the only details of prince charming... my girlfriends remembered him but not his name or anything that could be used as a description, they never saw him there with anyone else or what car he came in.. No one there knew him.. When one friend took me to the hospital, my other girls went around asking if anyone knew him or remembered him...
While talking to me he was pretty vague, no age, no mention of home state and it was definitely small talk.. At the time I just figured he was dense and didn't know how to have a conversation even though he sparked it... But later it all feel into place, he knew exactly what he was doing...
I was an idiot... I knew not to let a stranger get me drink.. Heck, I even knew not to drink..
Sorry I am rambling off subject... I do AND I don't wish I knew more... Its a double edged sword...
Anyways, how do I get this going to let my husband, his father and provider of almost 5 years adopt him... I wish this was easy.. -
05-20-2008, 10:55 AMcyjeffRe: Adoption Of My Son, Who Has No Birth Father
Contact an adoption attorney. It should be pretty painless.
I only asked about the id of the rapist to see if there would be any notification issues. -
05-20-2008, 11:17 AMAngelinamarie321Re: Adoption Of My Son, Who Has No Birth Father
so we can't go straight through the courts? someone said hiring an attorney gets expensive and to just file through court but i don't know how accurate she is...
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05-20-2008, 11:40 AMOhiogalRe: Adoption Of My Son, Who Has No Birth Father
You need an attorney. And unless you can prove that a rape happened and there is a conviction you will need to serve daddy to terminate his rights -- well actually to establish his rights and then see if he will voluntarily terminate. There are ways to do this that an attorney will be able to help you with.