Sister Says I'm Blackmailing Her

My question involves defamation in the state of: Arizona

I was unsure where to post this so please redirect if this is wrong.

I am involved in an altercation with my older sister (age 51, resident of CA). She has a long history of a dysfunctional lifestyle; heavy drinker, high risk behaviors with men, grandiose ideas of her worth (refuses to get a job because she feels she needs to start at the top, without a college degree) and other markers of some kind of personality disorder that is untreated and worsening as time goes on (she was recently arrested with her former boyfriend when they created a domestic disturbance, charges were dropped but she had to spend a few days in jail).

She is in constant contact and confides all her exploits to our elderly 85 yo mother who is suffering from early-mid stage Alzheimer's and whom I've helped move into an independent living facility near my home in AZ. My mother has confided in me that my sister has coerced $18,000 out of her in the last year. She does this by making phone calls that imply that she is completely broke and will a) be in big legal trouble if she doesn't pay off x,y, or z loan and b) is contemplating suicide because things are going so badly-- but some cash would be helpful, etc. She somehow convinced my mother to give her a lot of the monies to rent an expensive home to start a nudist resort in southern CA, which of course was a flop.

What is most infuriating is that as soon as my sister gets any cash she immediately blows it on booze, fancy meals out, or rental cars and she spends most of her time lying on the nude beach instead of looking for a job and then has the gall to brag about it to my mother. My mother has a limited amount of money which is invested and she relies on its income as well as her social security. She has always been generous with her money and offered it to her children in times of need but she is tired of seeing it blown every time she gives it to my sister. My other four siblings know about everything that is going on and we all urge our mother to stop giving her money away but when the "emotional blackmail" is used she succumbs every time. This is hugely upsetting to her and with her cognitive problems she becomes agitated and disoriented and often can't remember that she had given money before but we all feel she is still enough able to make her own decisions that we do not want to go through the agony of taking her rights away.

My sister has a grown son who she absolutely dotes on, though he keeps his distance from her and lives in D.C. He has a good job and is doing well but he is absolutely in the dark as to his mother's more outrageous behaviors.

This past week my sister called my mother and told her she was flat broke and she had a rental car that was going to be reported stolen if she didn't pay up and that she was thinking of "checking out" (her euphemism for suicide). Then she asked for $2,000. My mother asked me to take her to the bank so she could withdraw funds and deposit them in Sis's account. I was furious but I could not dissuade her. So I helped her do this and then sat down and composed an email to my sister. Basically I told her that I knew all about her insane behavior and her constant demands for money and that if she didn't back off I would tell her son everything and ask him to please deal with his mother and leave our elderly impaired mother alone.

Now my sister is accusing me of slander, libel and blackmail. She has a history of suing various boyfriends when they've thrown her out of their homes in the past so she is not afraid to try to tap into the legal system for her purposes. Right now her need to maintain her secrecy from her son is greater than her desire to come after me legally and I don't know if she actually has a case or not (or if an attorney thinks this is a case he could take on contingency).

I realize I am completely ignorant of the law here, all I wanted was to protect my mother while keeping her dignity during her remaining years.

Did I do wrong?

Your behavior does not meet the threshold of slander or libel because it is the truth.

The truth is an affirmative defense.

As for blackmail, your actions do satisfy the basic definition, but I wouldn't worry about it.

But why threaten? Tell her son. Today. Before your sister dies from her behavior or takes all of mom's money and there is nothing more to do.

From what you have written, I do not see anything wrong.

Blackmail

Libel

Slander

Defamation

Calumny

HT, I made the legal jump that the OP would benefit from the monies NOT loaned the sister upon mom's death.

Therefore, there was a monetary component. Nebulous, yes, but there.

Nebulous... I like that word.

Worrier63, someone needs to consider becoming power of attorney for your mom. Probably sooner than later.

Quote:

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Quoting Happy Trails

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Nebulous... I like that word.

Worrier63, someone needs to consider becoming power of attorney for your mom. Probably sooner than later.

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Yeah, me too.

Kinda undoes my hick quotient when I use the phrases "muddy the water" or "that dog won't hunt."

I also agree with the second statement. If mom is giving 51 year old sis money to start a nudist colony, obviously someone needs to step in.

Shudder.

Thanks so much for the replies!

One thing I forgot to mention (re cyjeff) is that I am not in my mother's will due to an arrangement we made where I had co-invested in a property with her in the past and we had agreed that rather than me sell the property and pay her back when she left, I would be excluded from her will. Therefore I have no financial incentive to keep her from giving her money away. Her other four children are included in the will, including Sis.

I will explore the POA but unless I work to revoke her rights entirely can't she reverse it if confronted with more emotional blackmail? My mother is still very independent, lives in her own apt, pays her bills, and generally handles her life functions pretty well as long as I'm nearby to assist her when needed. She is very "with it" mentally and would be devastated if we tried to force her to give up her remaining independence. What I was hoping to accomplish was an incentive for my sister to stop asking for money entirely.

Knowing my sister as I do, I really don't think there is a thing her son can do to help her even if he is brought into the loop. She is very strong-willed and absolutely certain of her righteousness and invincibility-- more like a bi-polar type of behavior (SHE is right and we are all wrong and against her, etc, etc). Our family has dealt with this for most of her life and it's heartbreaking but she is completely functional in her own self-destructive way. I care for her but I cannot watch her take advantage of our failing mother any longer.

It's a difficult situation as you can see. I just wanted to make sure I didn't screw myself by lashing out to make her back off.

In your first post you said mom was early to mid stage Alzheimers. However, in your last post you indicate she is very independent & "with it" mentally. Therefore; since she is mentally competent, there is not much you can do - it is up to her to do with her money as she wishes. She would have to approve you/sign for you for POA to handle her financial affairs. If she was not competent, you might have been able to go to court & be assigned her guardian to handle her affairs.

I don't see where you have to be concerned about your prior behavior re asking sis to back off.