Juvenile Laws For An Out Of Control Teen

My question involves juvenile law in the State of: California
I have a son that will be 18 on 12/8/08.. I have been trying since he was 10 yrs old to get him help. Counsoling 5 yrs, angermanagment 2 times, scared straight 2 times, doctors after doctors, I have called attorney's, police, probation, churches, youth groups and much more. It has been a complete nightmare. He has stolen from people, ran away, does drugs, skips school, threatened me and others, pulled knifes on people, assualted others, and the police keep saying his crimes are not that big of a deal. He has been accused of sexual assualt on 2 children younger then him and the police said there is not enough evidence to do anything. To top things off he has been diagnosed with a mental disorder and the police have advised him he can refuse treatment. No one will help me. I am a single parent and I scared of my safety cause he has said he will burn the house down with me in it or choke me till I am dead. He has also stated he was going to get a gun take it to school and shot kids and teachers. The school just sent him to another school. The police tell me this is my problem and when he is 18 throw him out. I sleep with an alarm on all the doors, locked and a bat next to my bed, in fears he will hurt me. I am half his size. Now the school said they are going to file charges against me for not forcing him to go to school. I have tried. Its like they want to see me get hurt. Are there anymore resources out there for me? When he is 18 can I just say get out or do I have to do it legally with the courts? If he is still in school since he keeps failing can I still kick him out? HELP!!!!! I am so scared of what this kid will do to someone once he is an adult.

please can someone help me, no one has responded to my prior posting. I know its long but I am desperate. Please help. The school is now trying to press charges against me for not making him go to school. But I try. He skips out.
HELP!!!!!:wallbang:

We are all volunteers here with day jobs.

It may take more than 10 minutes for us to get to your post.

If you want a quicker answer, you can always call an attorney and pay for it.

I was not trying to be rude. I posted my thread yesterday. I have called attorneys and in no way was I trying to be mean. I am scared and it seems I can not find anyone who will listen to me. They all listen to my son. I know this a free service and I am greatful for it.

Have you talked to the school about his truancy?

Yes, and the school has said one thing then done another. They keep telling me just wait it out he will be 18 soon and to just kick him out then. Then when I questioned their actions they told me they were going to turn me into the DA's office for not forcing him to go to school. I have tried. I have taken everything away from him, ground him to his room, driven him to school (he walks right off campus), even called the school after every period to make sure he is there. I have even tried to make deals with him if he went I would give him $40 per week. He has stated to everyone as soon as he can he is dropping out. And as for now I just got a letter in the mail stating I have to met with Child Welfare about my sons attendance and what I am not doing to make sure he is in school.

jasgal - you still here? Your story hit me because of some similarities in our circumstances.

The school will be on you to make sure the kid attends because they make no money for every day that a child is not in attendance. And they will pester you until he turns 18. The only out I can see is if he has managed to pass the proficiency exam. If he has, then you can dis-enroll him at 16. (I used to be a single mom in California. WRT the schools, BTDT.)

School's about to start again, and I'll be thinking of you until December.

I also wish I could be more helpful in getting the police to take you seriously. Have you tried complaining up the channel? Talking with the media?

I hope you're doing well, and it sounds as though December cannot come too soon.

I truly feel for you!! My daughter just turned 18 in April and I havent quite dealt with the extreme that your son has dished out but my daughter started running away at 14, had DEFACs over several times since everyone thought it was our fault (shes a brat and if it wasnt her way it was no way so she'd run away...) at 16 her and some other kids broke into a house and were all put in jail for 45 days for felony burglary she was on probation until she was 18 at that point but kept violating her probation by running away. She'd come home and threaten me as well and I wasnt sure what she was capable of so I know how you must feel. We put her in a faith based bording school for 14 months until she turned 18 so that the state didnt take her into 'state custody' for 2 years since they were tired of her as well. My advise for you is to look into putting him in a wilderness camp or some other type of program. Im not sure if this helps but I was very touched by your post and I truly want you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. The most powerful thing I can say at this point is when my daughter turned 18 it was a huge relief and weight off my shoulders. If you can just get him to that point. The law looks at 18 as an adult and fully responsible for their own actions... I would throw him out in a minute at that point and dont have any regrets. My daughter has been out on her own just 2 months after she came home from boarding school. She slept in her car stayed with friends etc. She is still trying to find herself but has a decent job and I no longer offer my advise only when she asks. When she comes over I treat her with respect as long as she treats me with resepect otherwise I tell her to leave. My daughter was diagnosed as bi-polar, does great on her meds but refuses to take them... Too bad your son doesnt just get put in jail until he is 18, at least you wouldnt have to worry about him or anyone else... I hate to say this but I could sleep at night when my daughter was in jail... remember these words TOUGH LOVE... its hard for us Moms but we can not enable our children to run all over us.

Sounds like you made some major errors along the road of raising this kid; no kid is inherently troublesome, so either you did something wrong as a parent or he has some sort of mental disorder that needs to be worked out.

To Kross Lancer, I have made no mistakes with my son... He has a mental disorder which my lovely legal system has told him he can refuse any form of treatment. At this point he needs medication and support group counsoling. so until you walked a day in my shoes dont judge.

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Quoting IndyMom

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jasgal - you still here? Your story hit me because of some similarities in our circumstances.

The school will be on you to make sure the kid attends because they make no money for every day that a child is not in attendance. And they will pester you until he turns 18. The only out I can see is if he has managed to pass the proficiency exam. If he has, then you can dis-enroll him at 16. (I used to be a single mom in California. WRT the schools, BTDT.)

School's about to start again, and I'll be thinking of you until December.

I also wish I could be more helpful in getting the police to take you seriously. Have you tried complaining up the channel? Talking with the media?

I hope you're doing well, and it sounds as though December cannot come too soon.

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Indymom, thank you for your support. He has already been sent to another school. According to this school this is the last one that is willing to give him a chance. If he misses 2 meetings he will be dropped and reported to probation. I am counting the days till he is 18. He did get caught with drugs in April and went to court last month and all they did was give him a $100 fine. I really thought they would have put him on probation but the guy there said it was no big deal with what he was caught with.

Again a huge thank you for your support. And I know that as a parent I have tried everything possible to help that I could afford.

Well then I apologize for judging if it's a mental disorder that causes this. It is true though that it'd be your fault if it weren't a mental disorder, so you can't blame me for the assumption.

The legal system has been scroo'd forever, and this problem is just another example of how borked things are.

Kross lancer, I understand you are young, and to you the world is made up of black and white and absolutes. But, in our world, and especially in the law, there are precious few absolutes.

I've seen wonderful people raise two or more absolutely lovely and productive members of society, and have one bad one. Inevitably, those parents blames themselves, even though they did nothing wrong.

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink.

Ya can in KY. Yep.

Well here is a update on my son, he has gone and gotten a 2nd tattoo after I got upset about the first one and told him until he was 18 and out of my house no more. I am so angry. There is nothign I can do. It's not like I can throw him out. He will just call the police and laugh in my face. He knows that I can not throw him out. I have taken everything away from him but his bed and dresser. I give him no money. God help me. This is turning out to be such a nightmare. :wallbang:

If you ignored the tattoo, he'd either only get it because he wanted to, or he wouldn't get it at all.
As it is, he has reasons to get them...it drives mom CRAZY!! Woo hoo!!
Trust me; next time he gets a tattoo, become very interested in it. Ask him how he came up with the design, ask him about the background and training of the person who did it, heck, tell him YOU are kind of thinking about getting one. Ask him what he thinks would look good on you. Be very, very serious. (and interested...you may actually learn some interesting things about your son!)

It's no fun if mom isn't horrified...

I can vouch for this technique - my mom turned all sorts of lovely shades of color when I came home one day with a 2 foot tall, deep burgandy mohawk (with black stripes no less) held in place with parafin wax - yet reserved her comments to pointing out little areas that were uneven and insisting on helping me "fix" one of the stripes that was a little faded. You've never been IN the Twilight Zone until you've sat on a chair in the family kitchen and had your super-conservative mother HELP to improve your mohawk!

*lolol* aard...you made me laugh out loud. Seriously. Thank you for that.

I truly think that if more parents were just a bit more open to their childrens' rebellion, that children would find SO much less to rebel against...