Ex Left Years Ago With Child, Now Wants Back Support?
NC
I am a NCP with court ordered visitation rights and I pay child support. My spouse left the state in 2000 and did not notify me (against court orders).
I have not known their whereabouts until I received a letter recently from his attorney stating that he wants me to give up rights to my child so his wife can adopt! The letter claims that I have had no contact with my child and have not paid CP payments (no kidding, I didn't know where she was!). Included in the letter was a line stating if I did not give up my rights in order for her to adopt my child, they would seek back child support payments.
How can that be possible when my ex was the one that violated the order? I mail payments to him and the last one I sent back in 2000 was returned to me because he had moved.
I am of course not going to give up my parental rights, and now that I know their location, I can proceed with taking him back to court for violation of the order, but my question is can he actually get back child support for this? It seems crazy to me.
Thanks
Re: Ex Left Years Ago With Child, Now Wants Back Support?
You are going to need an attorney to get this worked out for you. You are also likely going to be raked thru the coals here as this is 2008. You've had 8 years to take him to court for violation of the custody order.
Your post is confusing...
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so his wife can adopt! The letter claims that I have had no contact with my child and have not paid CP payments (no kidding, I didn't know where she was!)
his wife can adopt, then the last part..I don't know where she was. Do you mean where he was?
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How can that be possible when my ex was the one that violated the order? I mail payments to him and the last one I sent back in 2000 was returned to me because he had moved
How did he violate the order? Bc he moved? Did he have permission from the court? he may very well have had permission. This is another reason you will need to get an attorney involved. So the last payment that you sent was in 2000 and it was returned? Have you made any payments in 8 years?
And honestly, he can and he WILL get back child support. I have a difficult time understanding why you think this is crazy. Even if he violated the order for visitation, this does not exempt you from paying child support for the kids. Two wrongs don't make a right so to speak. No one here knows all the details to give you more answers.
You had and have an obligation to pay this support via a court order not paying for any reason puts you in contempt for violating. Rest assured his attorney is probably looking for your cooperation and quickly. You need an attorney if you want to keep your rights. This will not be pretty for you, sorry to say. If you have had no contact with the child in 8 yrs, no court is going to give you visitation right away anyway. You are for all purposes a stranger to this child. You have a very long road ahead of you and get that lawyer asap.
Re: Ex Left Years Ago With Child, Now Wants Back Support?
Thanks for the reply and sorry it was confusing; I was trying to keep it brief; hard to do when there is so much that has happened. I hope this reply will help clarify and that you and others can respond.
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You've had 8 years to take him to court for violation of the custody order.
I can't take him to court if I do not know where he is. I did not know his location until I received the letter this week from his attorney.
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How did he violate the order? Bc he moved? Did he have permission from the court? he may very well have had permission.
The problem is not that he moved, but he moved and did not provide me with an address or phone number for me to keep in contact with my child, to send support payments, etc. Our court orders are very specific to what he is required to do. The judge spelled out everything for him because he has done this in the past to frustrate visitation and prevent me and my child from having a relationship.
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Even if he violated the order for visitation, this does not exempt you from paying child support for the kids.
Prior to him moving, I had always paid my support. I have always kept current with the payments despite the problems. The last check that was returned to me was because he moved. I speculate that it came back because it was sent by FedEx instead of USPS, and couldn't be forwarded. I attempted to call him, but the phone was disconnected. I sent him an email and he never responded. Yes, I think it is crazy. If he chooses to no longer accept the payments, am I supposed to canvas the country looking for him and force him to accept the payment? I have no record of non-payment, but how far is a NCP supposed to go? I can't force him to accept the support payments. I kept the returned envelope which is still sealed because I knew that someday he would resurface and try to make it look like I was in violation.
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And honestly, he can and he WILL get back child support.
It is very apparent what he is doing and I don't see how he could ask for back support when I have done nothing to go against the court order.
The problem is this: He doesn't want me to know where he and my child are living, so he would rather forgo support than comply with the court order.
I hope this has helped clarify my original post. The request for adoption that he is seeking for his wife is irrelevant because I will not ever give up my child. He is just doing this to satisfy his desire to harrass me. He had what he wanted: he kept himself hidden, kept me away from my child. The only reason he resurfaced now is to try to cut off my relationship with my child completely. In his eyes, his way to control. The only reason I mentioned the adoption issue was to let posters here know how I learned where he lives.
Thanks for your reply gigirle. I hope you see this and will respond as well as other members of the board.
Re: Ex Left Years Ago With Child, Now Wants Back Support?
I understand your frustration, but you WILL need to pay the back child support. I would get a lawyer - like yesterday - to figure this all out and protect yourself and your parental rights. Did you do ANYTHING when your X left with your child? File a police report? Notify the court he was violating the order - even if you could not serve him? ANYthing that would show you at least LOOKED for your child???
Re: Ex Left Years Ago With Child, Now Wants Back Support?
I am in the process of looking for an attorney. Yes, I did contact the police. No, I did not contact the court. I did "look" for my child. I tried to contact the father as I stated in my previous post. I contacted my child's school and once I established my identity to the school, they released the information that my ex had indeed moved. There was also a note in my child's records, according to the lady I spoke with at the school, that I was not to be given any information about my child. But of course, once I faxed her the court orders showing I had rights to all information, she was forthcoming with my child's information.
Edited to add: During this entire process, my ex has had my email address and phone number. They have not changed.