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Restraining Order Against Me

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  • 03-15-2008, 01:33 AM
    Legal Help
    Restraining Order Against Me
    Me and my girlfriend got into a fight, she scratched my arm when i tried to hug her and i pushed her away but she tripped over my dog (he is pretty big) and fell face first into a window which resulted in her scratching her forehead against the blinds and receiving three stiches.

    Day before that we also had a fight and she told the cops i took her cell phone and her car keys and dind't let her leave the house. Now, she tells me she never said that and they twisted her words-she found her DEAD cellphone behind the couch she was sitting on, the keys i took from her were to prevent her from hitting somebody (she took them 5 minutes later) and the whole improsonment thing - i simply asked her to get dressed first before running out in the cold.

    I went to court they told me i'm facing petite larceny, unlawful imprisonment and bunch of other charges.

    She did NOT press any, she tried talking to the precinct and to the DA but they keep asking her to sign some papers she said she will never sign.

    They slapped me with a restraining order and she calls me every day crying hysterically that she needs to see me, what can i do at this point? We've dated for 5 years and never had this problem, she was on her period and i was intoxicated plus we were both mad so it happened, i'm not a woman abuser and i know i don't deserve this crap.

    She hired me a lawyer who got me out but we're afraid to see each other to make things complicated.

    Can you guys please tell me how she and I can get rid of this protection order? They gave me another court date, do i need to come with a lawyer? What's the chance of getting rid of it? New york sucks like that....
    Any help will be much appreciated, I can't stand her crying anymore and her parents asking me to do something about this shit. God bless you all and thank you.
  • 03-15-2008, 05:05 PM
    aardvarc
    Re: Restraining Order Against Me
    She doesn't have to press charges - that's the state's call. And in NY, this isn't going away and the court isn't going to care about extenuating circumstances. When you have an incident of "fight", even mutually, that ends with someone with an injury, what happened in the middle, whether intentional or not, isn't going to soften the charges. Look at it this way: if you go into a convenience store, and decide to shoplift a pack of gum, and the clerk sees you and you run to avoid the confrontation, but trip and the gun in your pocket (that you never even pulled out) goes off and kills the clerk, you'll be facing armed robbery and murder charges, even though you never touched the gun or intended to hurt anyone. Here you've got a history of fighting, you taking action to prevent her leaving (from another incident), and her getting injured as a result of reacting to physical action taken by you (she didn't want you to "hug" her and her act of self defense led to the injury).

    The larceny charge will probably be the easiest to combat (although since abuse isn't just about hitting, but about CONTROL ISSUES, it's totally feasible that you hid the phone which is probably why the officers included those charges) - but the unlawful imprisonment will probably be the one to sting you. She's an adult - she can go out in the snow wearing a bikini if she wants to and you've got no right to make those decisions for her or deprive her of the means to do so.

    She could have gone to the ER and said "I tripped over the dog and hit my head" - but that's apparantly not what happened. Who got the police involved?

    And learn to quit fighting when you're intoxicated, otherwise you risk incidents like this one repeating themselves. You might not have hit her or directly caused the injuries, but there are definately some classic warning signs of control issues here.
  • 03-15-2008, 06:07 PM
    cdwjava
    Re: Restraining Order Against Me
    Quote:

    Me and my girlfriend got into a fight, she scratched my arm when i tried to hug her and i pushed her away but she tripped over my dog (he is pretty big) and fell face first into a window which resulted in her scratching her forehead against the blinds and receiving three stiches.
    So you both are guilty of domestic violence ... wonderful.

    Oh, and I have to tell you that the cops are probably not going to buy that dog story. Likely, the prosecutor won't either.

    Quote:

    Day before that we also had a fight
    So, this is an ongoing, regular sort of event yet you remain in a situation where the two of you can get so volatile?

    Quote:

    and she told the cops i took her cell phone and her car keys and dind't let her leave the house. Now, she tells me she never said that and they twisted her words-she found her DEAD cellphone behind the couch she was sitting on, the keys i took from her were to prevent her from hitting somebody (she took them 5 minutes later) and the whole improsonment thing - i simply asked her to get dressed first before running out in the cold.
    She's a grown up - presumably - so you can't prevent her from leaving if she wants to go. Obviously, the cell phone thing can be beaten ... of course, it's also conceivable that you took the phone and then ditched it in the couch. Something happened to lead her to believe you did all this, it sure as heck didn't just pop up out of thin air.

    Quote:

    She did NOT press any, she tried talking to the precinct and to the DA but they keep asking her to sign some papers she said she will never sign.
    The state pursues charges, not her. If she is subpoenaed, she will have to appear.

    Quote:

    They slapped me with a restraining order and she calls me every day crying hysterically that she needs to see me, what can i do at this point?
    Hang up the phone. All she has to do is tell the cops that you are talking to her and YOU go to jail - it won't matter that SHE called YOU.

    Quote:

    We've dated for 5 years and never had this problem, she was on her period and i was intoxicated plus we were both mad so it happened, i'm not a woman abuser and i know i don't deserve this crap.
    Statistically, it is hard to believe that this kind of conflict NEVER happened and all of a sudden materialized in two incidents during two days. Either something in the relationship changed very recently, or the only thing new about this event was that the police got involved.

    Perhaps it is time that either you stop your drinking, or the two of you call this relationship off.

    Quote:

    Can you guys please tell me how she and I can get rid of this protection order?
    Go to court and ask the judge to drop it. Your lawyer should be able to tell you the specifics of how to do that.

    Quote:

    They gave me another court date, do i need to come with a lawyer?
    That would be the best idea. But, if for the court order, it's probably not required.


    - Carl
  • 03-15-2008, 10:24 PM
    Legal Help
    Re: Restraining Order Against Me
    Quote:

    Quoting cdwjava
    View Post

    That would be the best idea. But, if for the court order, it's probably not required.


    - Carl

    Thank you Carl, my question is-what can i do now to avoid everything? She said that DA and cops twisted her words into something that doesn't make any sense, is there any way judge can listen to her side of the story?

    Who should go to court and ask judge to drop it?
    I never drink, that day i was celebrating something and alcohol was definitely not the reason of the fight, we had problems for two days straight cause apparently i wasn't spending enough time with her cause i work seven days and she was getting very upset.

    I know she is an adult and is allowed to go outside in anything she wants but it was 39f in Brooklyn, would you let your wife run out half naked in the cold just cause you had a fight??

    I don't have any control issues nor i like to be in this position, for a long period of time we were very happy but now, when i work so much (trying to save up enough money to marry her) she is getting mad, and i'm getting mad at her getting mad and it ends up being a big fight.

    I just want to know if in your opinion the case will end peacefully, they keep sending her papers that state these charges that she needs to sign:

    assault in the third degree
    attempted assault in the third degree
    menacing in the third degree
    unlawful imprisonment in the second degree
    petit larceny (2 counts)
    criminal possession of stolen property in the fifth degree
    harassment in the second degree

    plus they gave me two counts for everything, same thing for the day before and i don't know why!!!

    they released me without bail or anything and i now have to go to court in a month (on april 16th).
    My lawyer said that the case will be thrown out in a fw months but i'll have to go to court a few times and get new temporary restraining orders.

    Guys, if you had a chance to speak to my girlfriend you'd understand that i'm not the person you think of me on this forum, i just need to know what to do cause her condition and mine are killing me, i don't know how long i'll be able to survive under this stress.

    this is my first time offense for a domestic assault.

    What do you think is going to happen with me?
  • 03-15-2008, 10:58 PM
    Legal Help
    Re: Restraining Order Against Me
    Quote:

    Quoting aardvarc
    View Post
    She doesn't have to press charges - that's the state's call. And in NY, this isn't going away and the court isn't going to care about extenuating circumstances. When you have an incident of "fight", even mutually, that ends with someone with an injury, what happened in the middle, whether intentional or not, isn't going to soften the charges. Look at it this way: if you go into a convenience store, and decide to shoplift a pack of gum, and the clerk sees you and you run to avoid the confrontation, but trip and the gun in your pocket (that you never even pulled out) goes off and kills the clerk, you'll be facing armed robbery and murder charges, even though you never touched the gun or intended to hurt anyone. Here you've got a history of fighting, you taking action to prevent her leaving (from another incident), and her getting injured as a result of reacting to physical action taken by you (she didn't want you to "hug" her and her act of self defense led to the injury).

    The larceny charge will probably be the easiest to combat (although since abuse isn't just about hitting, but about CONTROL ISSUES, it's totally feasible that you hid the phone which is probably why the officers included those charges) - but the unlawful imprisonment will probably be the one to sting you. She's an adult - she can go out in the snow wearing a bikini if she wants to and you've got no right to make those decisions for her or deprive her of the means to do so.

    She could have gone to the ER and said "I tripped over the dog and hit my head" - but that's apparantly not what happened. Who got the police involved?

    And learn to quit fighting when you're intoxicated, otherwise you risk incidents like this one repeating themselves. You might not have hit her or directly caused the injuries, but there are definately some classic warning signs of control issues here.

    Some guy called the police, way before i pushed her and she ****ed up her head, she told them that she hit it against something but they wrote it as ME PUNCHING HER. it's a cut, i'm not able to make this kind of cut with my hand and i would never attack anyone specially her with any kind of weapon. But anyway, cops said it was an anonymous call.

    We weren't fighting cause i was drunk we were fighting cause she couldn't give me any space-instead of working i have to be with her and i can't go out one day a week-i have to be with her. We dind't handle it right and what's done is done but she was in shock when the cops came, they were putting words in her mouth and she tried to tell them that she doesn't want to answer them but they said "it's ok we'll protect you" and she said "i don't need protection" they were like "see how much he intimidated her, give him attempted assault charge as well". And they said her shoulders were swollen-she is a swimmer and a dancer, she has more muscles there than normal people, why dind't they ask her if they were swollen or not?! They just included it in the report and that's it!

    right now she feels like she caused the whole thing and i HATE IT cause if i dind't drink that day i think everything would have been cool, i was always able to calm her down.

    Keep in mind she called the police on her parents before claiming that they beat her up and on me when i got angry at the dog. Both times cops came and said that she is wrong and i am allowed to yell at my dog as long as i don't abuse it. She gets like this sometimes and i've learned how to deal with it, now she told me she made an appointment with a shrink and she'll start taking pills, i have to do the same, it's all falling apart and i have very bad thoughts in my head...

    I appreciate your honest reply, even tho i disagree with you at many points i still thank you.
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