How To Convince A Friend To Stop Stealing

I write this today because I have a friend who needs help, and I desperately need some ammunition to attempt to convince her to get it.

The situation is as follows, my friend has been "shoplifting" from a local grocery chain on a regular basis for six months to a year. The reason I put the word in quotes is that she has discovered that she can walk out the front door of one of the largest stores in the local region with entire shopping carts full of groceries. We have tallied the value of some of these carts at over 500 dollars at a conservative estimate. The total value of her trips is, at an estimate, anywhere from 5000-10000 dollars (conservatively).

She also cashes her payroll checks at this store, using her drivers permit and the stores rewards program card (which includes a rather extensive application, and although she has moved since the time of applying for the card at least two of the locations she may have listed as an address would be able to point an investigator to her present address).

I went to this store personally to check the supposed "safety" of it. There is a camera above the customer service desk where she cashes her checks. There are three cameras covering the exit (also the primary exit) which she uses. There is a camera on each end of the large open airlock space outside of the exit she uses. She has also described an occasion on which she was being intently watched by two employees and a manager as she walked out of the store. They did not stop her. She has waved to employees on the way out of the store. They did not stop her. The entire cart of groceries she walks out with is unbagged, and she isn't leaving from the row behind all of the registers. This chain is also known for having particularly good security teams.

She has managed to convince herself that because she hasn't been caught yet she wont be caught. My supposition (and that of several others, including several friends parents who have been around for a while with people who have been hit with things like this) is that they are simply waiting until their estimate of her theft is large enough to hit her with a felony offense. I have explained this to her and she has refused to acknowledge it.

I don't know if there is anything else I can do. I have been best friends with her for four years now, and she has been a huge part of my life. I have to at least try to get her the help she needs, and I desperately need some advice. I am planning on sitting down with her and a handfull of other very close friends and confronting her on this and several other issues. For this, I need to know what they might be waiting for if my supposition is correct, as well as any other hypothesis for their inaction to date. I desperately need either some serious numbers I can confront her with (jail time, future legal consequences, ect.) or a lead on where I can get this information, or both. If anyone has any thoughts on this of any kind, please share them, I want to get my friend the help she needs, but i know she has to find it for herself. I am just hoping I (and the handful of others who are important to her) can throw reality in her face hard enough that she will find the help she needs.

To confirm in advance, No, there has not yet been any charge or detainment in this matter, legally or privately.

Now, some critical information.
Both my friend and myself are legal residents of New York State.
We live in upstate New York (we do NOT live in any part of New York City or Long island)
My friend is 21.
My friend works in a daycare.
My friend has been diagnosed with Bi-polar disorder and borderline schizophrenia.
My friend has a prescription for lithium. She has recently been taking it erratically, which virtually negates its usefulness.
One major effect of my friends condition is an extreme impairment in her decision making capabilities, causing her to either make extremely bad decisions without properly examining the consequences of her actions and therefore not "realizing" they are a bad decision, or "consciously" making a decision she KNOWS is bad, but is effectively unable to engage in the process by which a normal person would rationalize not taking the action, instead simply doing it.
All of this is clinically documented.

One last question here: My friend also happens to be massively in debt, and last I had heard from her discussions with a credit counseling agency she qualifies for bankruptcy with a full pardon of her outstanding debts. Would a shoplifting conviction (as a misdemeanor or a felony conviction if my worst fears are correct) prevent her from filing for bankruptcy or limit her options when she does so?

I apologize for the extreme length of this post, I felt it was important that you have a complete picture of the situation. If you feel it would be more appropriate to respond in a private message please feel free to do so. Thank you all in advance for any help or advice you can give me.

Choose better friends. Your (cough) friend will be caught sooner or later and thats not your problem!

You make a friend. You know them for years. Over time, you see them slowly spiraling down into a self destructive pattern fueled by psychological illness. This friend has been with you through some of the most painfull periods of your life, and vice versa. Yeah, choose better friends.
I know she will be caught. That is EXACTLY what I am trying to prevent, as I made clear in my post.

Try again, and this time don't insult my intelligence.

You cant force someone ot change! You have talked to your friend now leave it be sometimes people have to learn the hardway!

Poor price chopper. I hope your friend gets caught.

You are describing a form of addictive behavior. You cannot control the behavior. You cannot cause her to have an epiphany, and you cannot create a "rock bottom" for her. Panther is not making his suggestion because he doesn't want you to help your friend. He is making it because he wants you to help yourself.

Quote:

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Quoting Mr. Knowitall

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You are describing a form of addictive behavior. You cannot control the behavior. You cannot cause her to have an epiphany, and you cannot create a "rock bottom" for her. Panther is not making his suggestion because he doesn't want you to help your friend. He is making it because he wants you to help yourself.

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Exactly thank Mr. K I happen to know something about compulsive behavior as well I am a 21 year recovering alcoholic and during my drinking days nothing or no one could stop me I had to stop on my own will after much suffering.

You could try telling your friend that they are pissing off a lot of people by causing inflated prices at retail stores. Or you could give your friend this web address http://www.shopliftersanonymous.com/support.htm

I would recommend "THEFT TALK" - http://www.thefttalk.com/Adults.html

"THEFT TALK" is a fully accredited 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization. Revenues do not provide income for an owner - they do not have a profit motive.

I have a contact at NASP (National Association of Shoplifting Prevention) she is one of the Directors they too have excellent programs. You can google NASP or Pm me for Directors email. Security Consultant has given another excellent reference as well. I would use caution of SA as it has strong ties to one whose last name I forget but first is Terry. He has used SA for profit and has made many misleading statements if not false. He even went on Oprah and it was found where he was speaking on stopping addictive theft he himself had stolen recently. I think last name was Shulman but I am uncertain.

Let me add one thing. If your friend does not feel he has a problem or is unwilling to seek help drop it! If he isnt ready or refuses to admit problem no one has much of a chance of getting through to him.

...don;t go "shopping" with them EVER! Accessory charges are pretty easy to get arrested for and when I studied Criminal Justice we learned that it was easy to add accomplices if someone went in with them.

If someone has a problem with theft the NASP has programs that can help as do other organizations. This site is to help people with legal issues

Unfortunately, until she gets caught and arrested for petty larceny and has to pay a fine, she probably won't stop. If she is stealing due to the economy, she may, but if she has a habit of stealing, it will take much more. Email me if you want me to try and help out.