California Parent Loses Custody of her Son, May Also Lose Her Job
Children's court in California is no joke. Not even Britney who makes what is it 70,000 per month could win in this court. Here's my deal. My son and I were leaving the beach, he was all showered, packed up and ready to roll. My boyfriend had met us there in his brand new 07 ford truck, which he had asked me to park for him while he hurried to go meet up w/some friends. He found it scratched upon leaving the beach and was quite angry and thought I did it when I parked it. I remained completely calm and simply told my son "let's go." Being a 9 year old my kid thinks everything is funny. He didn't obey my order to lets go, wanted to stick around to see my boyfriend lose it over his truck. Go figure.
I pulled him by the arm to get in the car, was already too late by that time because my boyfriend had already keyed and damaged the paint on my car. I was of course very upset and pulled away. The next thing is that my kid didn't have his seat belt on so I pulled over into the red zone. I shouted at him put his seat belt on and smacked him a couple of times on the thigh and upper arm. I have received a couple of no seat belt tickets in the recent past because he removes seat belts or doesn't put them on when asked. Anyway, some "good citizens" came running up and asked if this was my kid. I said of course yes. They called 911. The police came. They saw my kid crying and it turns out when I had pulled him into the car earlier it left a couple of significant scratches on his wrist. That's all the police needed to see. Got arrested they dropped it to misdemeanor assault and child endangerment.
Also had to go to Children's Court. For the next 6 months I do not have custody of my son. I must undergo a parenting class program which is fine. I love my son and want him back. The only thing is what kind of parent will I be if I can't support my son. I am also a teacher and this charge, even if a misdemeanor, even if having to do w/my own child, not one of my students may totally end my career. Look at the result, so far the system has broken up a family, and quite possibly created another welfare mom/public assistance situation in the case I can no longer teach. What consequences will that have for my son?
Right now if anyone knows whether or not a misdemeanor child endangerment re their own child can and will end a teaching career let me know. The charges still pending. Back to court in mid December.
Re: California Parent Loses Custody of her Son, May Also Lose Her Job
I would say your teaching career is in peril. You seek shoud consult an attorney right away. Now to throw my two cetn sin (I know you didnt ask) you behavior is unacceptable under any circumstance. Spaning is debateable but you beat your child and even left marks!! You shoud seek counseling as this can get even more serious.
Re: California Parent Loses Custody of her Son, May Also Lose Her Job
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Quoting
ellileftcoast
Not even Britney who makes what is it 70,000 per month could win in this court.
Actually, according to the news yesterday, it's $700,000 per month ... and no savings or investments.
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I pulled him by the arm to get in the car, was already too late by that time because my boyfriend had already keyed and damaged the paint on my car.
How mature of him.
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I shouted at him put his seat belt on and smacked him a couple of times on the thigh and upper arm.
Now YOU lost it a bit.
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They saw my kid crying and it turns out when I had pulled him into the car earlier it left a couple of significant scratches on his wrist. That's all the police needed to see. Got arrested they dropped it to misdemeanor assault and child endangerment.
PC 242 and 273a(b)? I can see where the charges came from ... not sure if they will get a conviction in court, but it's possible.
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For the next 6 months I do not have custody of my son. I must undergo a parenting class program which is fine.
That is very typical in these situations. As a foster parent, I have children at my home who are involved in family reunification as well, so this is very typical of parents in your situation facing charges that you do.
This charge may very well go away if you complete all the terms of the parenting plan - you may want to ask your attorney about that. Because, if it does go away or becomes a detention only through some kind of deferred entry of judgment, it may not effect your employment at all.
Are you a public school teacher? Private school teacher? Pre-school teacher?
- Carl
Re: California Parent Loses Custody of her Son, May Also Lose Her Job
But you did leave marks and it was his thighs and arm! that hardly meets the normal desription of a spanking!
Re: California Parent Loses Custody of her Son, May Also Lose Her Job
What exactly is a deferred judgement and how does it work? Also what is an ajudication or having something ajudicated?
Point of clarification: The scratches were on the wrist when I pulled my son into the car to get him away from a potentially hostile situation (as my boyfriend was acting hysterical due to being under the impression that I dented his brand new car when parking it.) There were absolutely no marks on any other part of my child's body. He was examined at the local hospital, required procedure for department of children services.
Re: California Parent Loses Custody of her Son, May Also Lose Her Job
The psychopathic boyfriend thing... that's also a cause for child protection services to be concerned about your son.
Re: California Parent Loses Custody of her Son, May Also Lose Her Job
He didn't obey my order to lets go, wanted to stick around to see my boyfriend lose it over his truck. Go figure.
So you are telling us from the beginning that the child is already in an environment where he knows in advance to expect your boyfriend to "lose it"? The problems began WAY before this particular incident. Is there some part of this dynamic that seems NORMAL to you? If he (the boyfriend) is reacting with violence against your car over supposed damage to his truck, what on earth are you expecting him to do someday when you REALLY piss him off??? As far as your son, sure he wanted to stick around and see it. Everybody loves a car wreck. Watching a psycho you know in a public place is so much more convenient than paying $7.50 to get into the movies. Let's hope he hasn't learned TOO MUCH about how to "be a man" from this guy.
I pulled him by the arm to get in the car, was already too late by that time because my boyfriend had already keyed and damaged the paint on my car. I was of course very upset and pulled away.
And also apparently exposed to two adults who act LESS mature than 9 year olds. If you want to be around someone so out of control as a "boyfriend" who is going to key your car that's your business, but your son has no business around either of you or this situation.
They saw my kid crying and it turns out when I had pulled him into the car earlier it left a couple of significant scratches on his wrist. That's all the police needed to see.
Let's hope that as part of the outcome of this case that there is some anger management counseling. It's understandable that you would be upset by what happened, but you need to either develop better coping skills than taking it out on a child, or figure out that this relationship is turning you into a person who is NOT going to be able to be the parent that you WANT to be to your son.
The only thing is what kind of parent will I be if I can't support my son.
Dunno. But we can see the CURRENT state of the parenting situation as outlined above. And it ain't good. Hopefully this will be an eye opener for you and you and your child can move past it to a healthier place for BOTH of you.
Look at the result, so far the system has broken up a family, and quite possibly created another welfare mom/public assistance situation in the case I can no longer teach.
First, he's a boyfriend, not a husband. The only "FAMILY" here is you and your son - who you will hopefully get back into your care IF and ONLY IF you get your head straight about the realities of the abusive aspects of your relationship that you are BOTH exposed to. The system didn't create the situation - it only reacted. You're a mandated reporter, you should know this.
Right now if anyone knows whether or not a misdemeanor child endangerment re their own child can and will end a teaching career let me know.
You might check the FAQ by the California Commission on Teacher Credentialing at:
http://www.ctc.ca.gov/educator-discipline/DPP-FAQ.html
Re: California Parent Loses Custody of her Son, May Also Lose Her Job
I feel sorry for the mom, she obviously have a very rebellious child. He knows how to push the buttons. Of course this world will act like you did something wrong by smacking him. A child has to be smacked one time or another. That is why so much killing and crimes are going on today, because this system stopped us from raising them the old fashion way. No one is looking at the fact that she stopped to secure his safety or that she had just experienced an immature man that keyed her car. I understand a child will be a child thing, and a mom has to be a mom, always ready to teach the child right from wrong. A struggling child refusing to listen to get in the car while in the presence of angry man. Surely while trying to get the struggling child from a dangerous scene a scratch can take place. One thing I hope you have learned is be careful who you date around your child. As for the rest I forgive you and understand. I am a mom and have passed the test of raising mine, they are grown and good men but it came with struggles.
Re: California Parent Loses Custody of her Son, May Also Lose Her Job
I think it was Zigtozag that brought up the dating issue ... but, I do agree. :)
- Carl
Re: California Parent Loses Custody of her Son, May Also Lose Her Job
In this forum I am simply looking for ideas on how to resolve this as a legal matter at this time. The court certainly has no time nor does it look at all the other issues. It acts as if it could care less about the behavior of my boyfriend (of 3 years) or what happened to my car. Yet don't get me started. There are many many issues that come into play. RE my boyfriend, yes of course he can be a jerk at times. I do however see a disparity in single dads who date drama queens who aside from acting like jerks themselves, drain the man of his finances which should be going to the support and rearing of his child, which can border onto neglect. What about girlfriends who encourage and/or demand that the divorced dad they date NOT pay child support. Such people should be held in contempt as accessories to delinquent child support, yet men and such cohorts rarely if ever face any legal consequences of what I consider child neglect.
I do have 2 seat belt tickets on record due to my son not wearing his seat belt or removing it as mentioned heretofore. In one traffic stop, the chp actually peered into the back of the car and wagged his finger at my then 7 year old, issuing a stern warning to listen to his mom and keep his seat belt on, it's the law. It apparently went in one ear and out the other. It is also on record that my son was kicked out of his after school program for not listening to the coordinator. Two different teachers at two different schools rang my cell phone during the day while at work countless times asking me to come and get my son. One teacher, a veteran of 35 years put my son in a chair outside her room and stated to me, "I've never seen a student like this before in all my years of teaching, I can't do this, send your son to an SDC (special ed day class)."
I've been a good parent. As a single mom who has received 0 child support over the years, I have used all my personal savings for expensive tutoring programs, after school sports, baseball, basketball, swimming, karate. Have sent my son on trips w/family all over the U.S. and took him to Brazil with his martial arts team. He is in perfect health and top of his class in reading.
I certainly never intended to scratch my son's wrist or hurt him in any way, if I would have intended to hurt my child I certainly would have never given him a couple of open handed wacks in public. I wasn't even aware of the scratch until the onlooker who called the police noticed it. Again I calmly left the scene of someone livid over thinking I wrecked their brand new car and didn't tell them about it, calmly asked then pleaded w/my son to get in the car and let's go. The next thing is he didn't have his seat belt on. So what if I would have let the seat belt thing go and an accident would have taken place and he would have been badly hurt? I was driving already upset and he had his seat belt off. God works in strange ways. Who knows what could have happened down the road, especially during a CA summer full of tourists and the huge crowd who just moved to the state two weeks ago all driving BAD. What's done is done. All I can say is maybe it was all for the best. I believe so many of us need parenting classes for so many reasons. (e.g. parents of obese children are also guilty on some level of child neglect). I will say I do in fact believe CPS is arbitrary and actually flippant at times and badly needs reform. I refer to the book called Out of Control which documents its countless transgressions. I am thinking of the teacher in Phoenix who was so preoccupied w/buying donuts and the first day of school she left her young toddler in the car for over 6 hours, and basically baked her daughter to death. She is still teaching and faced not even neglect charges. "Good job CPS." But back to me who tried to get my kid away from a bad situation and also make sure he had his seat belt on. I will likely need to go back to college and get trained for a new career. Perhaps the new career will pay better. Lots of stuff out there does in fact pay better than teaching.
Re: California Parent Loses Custody of her Son, May Also Lose Her Job
If you're going to expose your child to a psychopathic boyfriend, commit substantiated acts of child abuse, and refuse to take any responsibility for your actions (let alone attribute any responsibility to the psychopath), then I have to agree with your ultimate conclusion - you do not have the judgment I would expect from a teacher and should consider a different career.
Re: California Parent Loses Custody of her Son, May Also Lose Her Job
JUDGEMENTAL:
Did I say my boyfriend is not to blame? Of course he started the whole thing by worrying about a brand new truck and thinking I scraped into another vehicle when parking it and didn't say anything to anyone. He had no right to think that, much less accuse me of something that makes no sense at all. I am not with him at this time and he has had to deal with some severe financial consequences is all I can say.
Further, I have stated several times the scratches on the arm, just as when I've left scratches on the arms or received them playing volleyball, were unintentional. As according an l.a. district attorney, an open handed whack on the thigh is not against the law, nor is it child abuse. The nuns in my religious school are guilty of much harsher corporal punishment as they regularly whacked us across the hands with a ruler for forgetting our homework. And that was considered a good education mind you.
I guess all of my parenting over the years and total and 100 percent lack of child support, which the same lame county of Los Angeles does absolutely NOTHING about, draining every dime I have in the bank to be a good baseball mom, basketball mom, martial arts mom, swim team mom, sending a 7 year old on trips as far as south America and always being there for him at every school event including each and every special ed meeting and/or school incident even if it meant taking time off from work means nothing to people like you and the myopic CPS people who make no attempt to sit down and speak with me and get to know me, my son and the situation in its entirety.
I guess the arbitrary and inconsistent view of CPS can take one "weak," (in the words of my children's court attorney) borderline case and invalidate all of the love and parenting I have given my son over the years. And they can also go on to cheat the young adults in the state of California of their teacher in a program for those who have failed to pass the California exit exam due to the mediocrity of so many of my colleagues, and the system itself.
This is the the same CPS who does absolutely nothing about a mom in phoenix who was too preoccupied w/her job and krispy kream donuts to notice she was krisping her 2 year old baby to death in the back of her car. This is the same cps who recently left a 7 year old child victim of sexual assault on video tape in the hands of her negligent parents. Because such a horrible incident took place while this young child was in the custody of her parents she should have immediately been put into a detention hearing and made a temporary ward of the state until the family was thoroughly investigated. Do yourself a favor and read the book Out of Control if you do in fact seek to be informed about the incompetence of CPS, a state agency your tax dollars pay for. It needs careful review and reform.
If we want to protect children we must come up with carefully structured and evenly distributed codes and statutes that would truly protect children. Apply the law properly. Don't apply it randomly to otherwise good people who had a borderline situation on a bad day.
Yes I may get out of teaching and go back to doing what I did before I taught. I was a bilingual news reporter for various news agencies in several countries. Maybe this time my pet project will be an expose of CPS, what it does and does not offer families and what is needed to have a more effective agency that works for children and parents.