Second Offense Stealing, Still on Probation For the First

I guess I'm going to write this i the order that it has happened. I was caught about a year and a half ago stealing money from the gas station where I worked. That entire case was/is really confusing to follow so please 'listen' closely.

I was called into the police station because 'someone had used a stole credit card at the gas station and I had checked them out.' The police said they wanted me to tell them everything I knew about the person. When I got the call from the detective 'investigating' I was really confused b/c we never took the credit cards from the people so I didn't think there was anything I could have told them. But like a dubm*ss I believed what I was told and I pretty much turned myself in. As soon as I got into the conference room I was told that they had me on camera stealing cash out of the drawer and that they had been investigating everything for months. They told me that alltogether they figured I had take between 8 and 12 thousand dollars. I said, holy sh*t, I think you're wrong (this was all over the course of a year) I think a good estimate would be between 3 and 5. But they convinced me, showed me tons of receipt tape and pointed out tons of videos they had. I never watched any of the videos and I never looked over the receipts. I fully cooperated. Decided that if they had it figured out at $8,000 then it must be $8,000. I mean that just wasn't something I kept track of. So I signed a written confession saying that I took that much money (I know, I'm stupid) and then after they had the confession the exact words out of the detectives mouth was "Now for the life of me, I cannot figure out how you were doing it. I mean, we never see you on camera taking the money or anything. So do you mind telling us?" Boy did I feel like a dumbass. So anyway, I went to court over that, paid $2000 for a lawyer. I got arrested four months later after they gathered all their evidence they supposedly had already. After I got released on bail I called to find out how much restitution was going to cost me. The detective told me that they had it figured out that I took about $18,000. We went to court for everything and when I finally received the discovery there was a letter from the insurance company saying that the owner had claimed I stole $24,800 and they wanted me to pay it all back. I would like to say that there is no way I took that much money. I didn't work that many days or hours there so I would have had to have taken $500 each day that I worked. So anyway, went to court. My lawyer made a deal with the ADA to pay back $1000 restitution (the cost to file an insurance claim) serve 10 days in county jail as shock time and do 20 hours of community service. Well, the wonderful judge that I had didn't agree. He took into consideration that (at the time of the judge's ruling I was 2 days away from delivering my baby) I had 3 toddlers I needed to help care for and I was about to deliver. He offered me a deal of no less than 20 days in county, $8000 restitution, and 60 hours of community service plus endless little things like taking classes, and visiting a prison, etc.

So, I've been doing my probation just fine. Following everything I was supposed to. Served all my jail time. And then, dumbass that I am, I shoplifted. And I got caught. So now I have a case pending with another county. But this broke my probation so I'm afraid of what is going to happen. The store I got caught at caught me with $300 worth of baby items in my diaper bag (please, don't yell at me). And like a dumbass, when I was questioned, I said well yes, I did attempt to shoplift that but I also did shoplift some other things and they are out in my car. The officer that arrested me said he thought I would get charged with misdemeanor theft and possession of stolen goods. However, the way my luck goes, they are charging me with felony theft. I wasn't sure if they could charge me with stealing what was in my car if I wasn't caught stealing it?? Or if that should just be possession of stolen goods?? So anyway, I found a lawyer who will take both cases (felony theft in one county, probation violation in my county) and I'm talking to him tomorrow.

I've talked all this thru with my husband and I am just now able to admit that there is a good chance that there is a psychological issue in my head. I was molested by my (ex) step-father when I was in high school, I lost my virginity when I was raped by my boyfriend, and a bunch of other small incidents that have not made a clear path between right and wrong in my head. I'm not saying I don't know the difference b/c I do I just can't seem to stop from doing the wrong thing. So what I really want to know...is there a chance that the judge will go easier on me if I go to a shrink and find out I'm some sort of quack or am I going to jail for the next 7 years +???

I've just talked all this thru with my mother also. This is only the second day that I have ever been able to write or tell someone about the molestation and rape. When I talked to my mom about her first words were "I wish you would have told me when this happened b/c I would have divorced him faster and it would have saved me a lot of grief and agony from being married to him." and as far as the rape goes her comment was "unfortunately, that's the world we live in." That's the way I was pretty much treated and raised. So I think it's pretty safe to say that she has ****ed up my head just a little. When I was younger I would get into trouble for something she told me to do. My dad would yell at me and cuss at me and she just stood there knowing that she gave me the okay. When I asked her about it later she said it was just better to let him get mad at one person instead of two. Or I would always be told not to tell on my older brother when he did something wrong but one night when he 'borrowed' my parents car and I didn't tell my parents I got yelled at, cussed at, and grounded for it. So it was kinda like don't do this but since you didn't do this now you're in trouble.

So back to the big picture. We're just starting to discover that each time this has happened I have been absolutely stressed beyond belief. The first time, I was accused by my family and friends of having an affair with an old family friend (who was old enough to be my dad). I was fighting with my husband five or six times a day. At one point I actually left him. This time around, I have been dealing with a very bad case of post partum depression. And when you add on top of that the stress of dealing with 4 infants/toddlers every single day by myself. This is more stress than one person can take.

So anyway, any feedback you can give please do!! I really want to know what is going to happen.


Oh, and a cop from the other county just stopped by and issued me a ticket for theft from the walmart there. That was part of what was in my trunk. The officer said he wasn't issuing me a ticket for the theft (I think that's included in the felony charge) but it was an ordinance violation. So now I'm afraid I'm going to be seeing a lot of officers in the next few days. How is that going to pan out?

If you think you have a psychological disorder which compels you to steal, get therapy.

Is it reasonable to assume that you are represented by a lawyer, both for the new charges and for the probation violation? If not, hire a criminal defense lawyer.

I lost my job in March when I was pregnant with my daughter. I haven't been able to find a job since so I can't afford to get an attorny. I did talk to one who told me that a PD could do just as good of a job as any lawyer and that the PD's in this county are very good. The only problem I have with that is that it would take them weeks before they would get to my case. I'm wondering if I tell my PO everything going on if she will allow me to seek help before she has me arrested or if this is just wishful thinking.

Your PO can violate you at any time

Not really what I wanted to hear. I know that she can violate me at any time. I guess I'm just going to sit here and wait for the phone call to see what is going on. Thanks.