Hello, we are here in ct. My husband filed for divorce last January. We went to a mediator and then right before it was finalized he came back and we started marriage counseling and filed reconciliation. So we went for a bit and then he was referred for individual counseling. Now he is depressed and looking to leave again.
During the initial sep., before reconciliation our infant daughter lived with me. We moved to my parents as hubby owned the house before marriage. He saw the baby daily because he picked her up from daycare due to my commute, she was only 8 mths old and needed that frequent contact, and I was stupid and hoped that us seeing eachother would make him come home. Many of his visits he would end up staying here at my house and not take her by choice. He never took her for more then 1.5-2 hours as he had stuff to do..... In these past ten months of us living apart, he has never created a home there for her. She has no crib, no high chair, age appropriate toys etc.... And he never increased the length of his visits. I have raised her basically on my own. He does very little to help and gives money when asked- not on his own. He does pay daycare. He has never had to serve her a meal, has never given her a bath, and has never put her to bed.
Well now with the talk of him leaving, I am putting my foot down and not giving daily visits. How can I get on with mine and my daughter's life as a "new family" of 2 if he is there every day or she is taken from me every day. I changed jobs to spend more time with her and don't need him to pick her up. She will also be 18 months and won't forget him in a few days. BUt he gets pissed and says I'm withholding her. This week he got to see her 4 times- that is not withholding!! But to him he thinks I am punishing him. He doesn't see it as part of not being a custodial parent etc...
Lets also mention that while separated, but still married, my husband got someone else pregnant. (to someone i think he cheated with) This happened the week my daughter was hospitalized with a kidney infection-- nice huh???? So he was doing that while I nursed my child to health, took to for tests etc... He has been caught out on so many lies its not even funny. Lying about money, that he couldn't afford cs but then I'd find receipts from $100 dates and bar tabs. Again, not putting his daughter first.
How much of his past will be relevant in planning for custody and visits??? He has made no effort in the past and has never put her first. Like i said over the past 10 mths he never increased his time or even created a home. Now all of a sudden he is pissed at me that this time around I am not going to be a softy and let him in my home everyday to "hang out" and be "friends" and so he wants her more now and claims he'll fight.
What am I looking at in terms of visits? He works the night shift with rotating days off, including weekends. It just kills me that from birth I have raised her 95% on my own, now all of sudden he can just "swoop" in and be father of the year. I should do all the work and he can reap the benefits. Is offering him 2 weekday visits and one weekend day visits enough? For 2-3 hours each. He has never had her longer than this, and I do not feel that my daughter would handle much more at this point. She is very attached to me and never been away from me accept to my mom or to her babysitter.
Just curious what to expect and how much of a fight to put up?????? I don't want it to be super ugly but I will not just give up my baby, who he has shown so little interest in and made no effort for during the past 10 months, and really her whole life...... I know we will have joint legal custody and last time he gave me physical without a blink. BUt am i wrong to think that 3 visits is enough to start?
Thanks, and sorry so long.....