My Partner's Dad Wants Him to Get a DNA Paternity Test

If you would approach this in, dare I say, a more adult state of mind, you would get over yourself, allow the test, and get on with your life.

It's not all about you.

I would said, -it is not all about him and everything has to be done in the way he wants-. I reckon if he is a proper man, he should protect me from his dad's opinions and fight for me and our love if necessary shutting his dad up. why do I have to prove anything? Have I done something wrong? Have I cheated on him? NO, so,,,,

You really don't get it. In your mind, "if he's a proper man", everything he thinks and does should be about you. That's called narcissism.

Think about him for once. (Maybe even for the first time.)

Okay, in a 'normal' situation your upset would be valid. You're in a comminted relationship, you've been faithful, there is no doubt, and you are being questioned.

However.....

You are dealing with schizophrenia. The man has a mental illness. Why not suck it up and give him the damn test!?

What are you going to do if something bigger comes along someday, such as him having a total breakdown?

I just think that given that you are involved with someone who has mental health issues you are having too much of a pity party for yourself.

Have you considered, just once, the fact that his father sees that he is vulnerable and is doing everything he can to protect his son? If this were YOUR child, wouldn't you do everything in your power to make sure he (or she) is protected?

If your bf is the dad, no harm, no foul AND you get the satisfaction of gloating over the fact that you were right from the beginning. (I caution you to keep the gloating to yourself).

If your bf is NOT the dad and that is why you are refusing the DNA test, that says more about you than anything else. If that is the case, we get why "Daddy Dearest" doesn't like or trust you.

At this point, you are doing exactly what you need to do to destroy any chance that he will ever trust you. If Dad has this much influence over his son, it won't be long before Dad's distrust trickles down and becomes your boyfriend's mistrust.

hi ya and thanks for your replies,,, I understand that he has got a mental illness and thats why I have been doing more than him in our relationship, I think its time He does the same for me once. My parents and friends were against him and me being with him because of his ups and downs with me,,,and I said to them -listen, I do love this guy and I accept him in the way he is and I don't care what other people say-. I have lost friends because of this, but I don't care. Why doesn't he do the same??? Why doesn't he tell his dad to shut up???
I also feel hurt because since I became pregnant I have been telling him how special and important this child is,,only because is HIS. I was talking with my mum the other day and telling her that if the baby wouldn't be Paul's, I would give it for adoption. My mum was in shock and was telling me that no matter who the daddy is, he is still my son and I should love him. I reckon that if I'm raped, I would not keep the child, as I don't want to carry a baby who belongs to a bloke I don't love. All this I told my boyfriend,,,when the baby was born and I was still recovering from general anesthesia as I had a caesarean, I told him -is the baby as beautiful as you???- And my boyfriend told me that really touched his heart.....So if he asks me to do a DNA test,,,he is not only telling me -Cheater- he is also thinking I'm a liar and that all this I have been telling him are lies....
This is the reason I'm hurt,,, of course, is finally the test is done, everyone will see I was always right,,,but it will be too late,,,my boyfriend must trust me,, not trust a piece of paper,,that is not fair....

Everything you write screams "I'm selfish and immature". It's so easy to do something to put others' minds at ease but "it's all about you". You would rather create endless drama and inflict pain on others than make a tiny, painless gesture.

If you choose to live your life like this, you're going to either have to find a lot of people who will put up with your selfishness (I suspect that's why you picked your boyfriend), you'll leave a lot of damage in your wake (including to your child), and you'll probably be miserable a lot of the time. It's a lousy way to live

My gosh, OP...how old are you? You seem to be caught up in some romantic fantasy.

Here's the reality. You are involved with a mentally/emotionally unstable person. (I won't say man because you sound like you are about 15.) You chose to bring a child, who may or may not be this person's child, into an already volatile and unstable situation. Now, when his father is urging his son to get a DNA test for his protection, you take it as a personal challenge and come up with the idea that everybody is out to destroy your relationship. What you don't understand is that you are destroying it all on your own.

If the father of the baby demands a paternity test through the court, you will have no choice other than to make the baby available for testing. Depending on your bf's age and legal status as far as dependency, the father could possibly be able to petition for paterntiy testing on on his son's behalf. Granted, it seems to be a slim possibility. What I don't understand is why you are so self centered that you would purposely cause mistrust and anguish in an already difficult relationship.

Just have the test. You say, "but he should just trust me." Now, why don't you look around (on this site, even) and find out how many men trusted the women when the said the babies were theirs. Now check out how many are finding out years later that that was a lie.

Have the test. Grow up. Move on.

Why are you insulting me? I'm 25 and the baby's dad is 29, we are not children. I have posted about my boyfriend's dad in an english forum www.bounty.com and the replies have been very different,,,they also say I should do the test as my boyfriend is mentally unwell, but they also say his dad is in the wrong by asking him to do a DNA test when is nothing of his bussiness.
someone called finalpanda said:

"Your partners dad is a little strange. If he is going to pay for this test then your partner shouldn't have to pay him back. I really don't know anything about your partners condition, but at a guess I think the best thing to do is to sit him down. Say to him "This baby definately is yours, we will take the test your dad will pay for if you really want to do that, but you shouldn't have to pay him back as you already know the baby is yours, and the test will prove that." Then go on to explain that you and your partners child really love him and that you are his new family now and that's all the love he will ever need, because I really can't seeing the grandad being a proper dad or grandad from what you have said. It sounds like the grandad is brainwashing his son...

someone called bigmom04 said

"He shouldn't have to take one if he is is the only guy you have ever slept and to be honest that should be good enough for his dad!"

someone called catnkitten71 said

"Hiya, it all sounds a bit complicated, but my first thoughts are that your bf is still tied to the apron strings of his parents. I've seen it with most of my ex's - his parents call and he comes running. Now i'm not saying that's necessarily a bad thing, BUT he needs to grow up a bit and take on the whole responsibility of HIS family now."

These are the answers and advices I wanted to hear in this forum, but I see that is not possible with people like you.

Nobody here defended your boyfriend's dad. It is none of his business.

But that's a separate issue from your selfishness. Grow up.