Hello,
Recently, me and my spouse have had a lot of stress on both of us, financially and otherwise. The other day, I went upstairs to see if my wife and our 3yr old wanted to go swimming (it was 95 degrees that day here in Michigan)... but my wife was in a bad mood, she was instructing our daughter to clean up... I tried to ease the situation because our daughter listens to me, because I give her a carrot/stick approach... I tell her if you pick up your toys we can go swimming... my wife continues riding her with you do what I say, pick up your toys now because I said so... well I not thinking before opening my mouth tell my wife instead of telling her to pick up her toys, why don't you pick up your clothes (which happened to be all over the floor). Well I opened up a whole can of worms with that... obviously. She started screaming at me in my face and walked a couple paces away, then she came back at me (I was standing in the doorway to my daughters room) she tells me get the h out of her way and shoves me... in the process of me turning around and keeping my balance she says I elbowed her... she continues ranting at me and I was getting heated admittedly I said some things to her, things escalated, while she had me cornered between my daughter who is getting upset, and I want to get out but she is in the doorway... she gets about 4 inches from my face and spits in my face.... my immediate reaction I slapped her (mind you, I had enough control to stop myself from applying any kind of force but my hand did hit her face, and I realize no matter what I should have just walked away). I have never hit my wife previously, I really do Love her, and my family is my life. we said a few more words, and retreated.
Coincidently, her mother walked in the door about 5 minutes after our fight... my wife was still upset, and I was sulking. They had a conversation, and her mother left. About an hour later my wife came to me as if nothing had happened, and was asking me for help with something... I was suprised... I wondered where where the "we need to talk" sessions... that came later after I denied to help her after what we just went through.
So between the hours of 7-10 she approached me to talk about 3 times, I refused, and the final time she came to me she asked if we should just get a divorce... a loaded question, I said whatever I guess so yes. I didn't mean it... but this prompted her to "sneak out", she left me a note saying she would be back for her things...
About a half hour later, 3 police officers came to my door. They asked for "my side of the story" I told them what happened. They were hell-bent on arresting me it was obvious because of their comments... such as ... so you think you're a tough guy and other demeaning things.
They placed cuffs on my hands, put me in the squad car, and never read me my rights. Upon arrival at the police station they placed my in solitary cell and didn't speak to me or book me until around 6am. Later a detective came to get a statement and I requested a lawyer (I still have not had council as of yet).
Later that day, the detective drove me to the courthouse for arraignment. Mind you this is my first offense so I'm pretty scared right now. The judge heard my case in short order, The detective goes on to tell the judge a completely perverted version of what happened, I went at her, shoved her in to the closet causing her to fall over and grab on to me, after which she spat on me and I backhanded her... however I was still released on personal bond with the requirement that I do not have contact with my wife, or go home without police presence.
I feel like they are setting me up for failure... as it turns out my pre-trial date is not until September 19th!
My wife has contacted me, she is regretful, and we have reconciled... actually this whole episode has broke down a lot walls between us...
She has contacted the detective, and the prosecuting attorney requesting the charges be dropped... they refuse, and keep prompting her to get me to plead guilty and that my record could be wiped after a year of probation and anger management classes...
Meanwhile, we are not to have contact (or I risk being in contempt)... which is more punishment to both of us who are struggling financially, and who have not spent a night apart sense we met 8 years ago (we have been married for 6).
We had a bad moment, it was not our first argument but it was about the worst I've ever experienced. I believe if I had just talked to her when she requested, she would have never filed in the first place...
:wallbang:
I don't have any idea what I can do to move on from this... I don't feel like justice is being served at all... I am not a abusive/violent person.
Is there anything we can do to have this restriction dropped? Is it really in my best interests to plead guilty? She has no intention of testifying against me... all they have is a signed statement from her... she had absolutely no marks on her or injuries.
I have spoke to the detective and he says I can be allowed to return home as long as she lives elsewhere. I work from home so this was really going to kill us if I could not go home to work. Still I miss my family, I have not seen my daughter for 3 days and its ripping my heart out. Everyone has assumed the worst about me and I can't tell you how embarrassed and hurt I feel.
We cannot afford good representation, or any really... I can't believe how far this has gone and the stubbornness of the prosecution. I understand that there are some nut cases out there (recently a man killed his wife, spread her remains in a nearby state park)... so they are treating my case harshly for their own political reasons.
I hope someone out there who has dealt with this can give me some real advice, how to proceed, if its even possible to defend myself?
Please help!
Help For A DV Case Against Me
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08-03-2007, 03:00 PMAnOkGuyHelp For A DV Case Against Me
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08-04-2007, 06:02 AMMr. KnowitallRe: Help For A DV Case Against Me
Your wife can try to convince the prosecutor to lift the no-contact order.
You should explore the possibility of a court-appointed criminal defense lawyer.
As you seem to be technically guilty of the charge, a deferment doesn't sound like a particularly bad outcome. -
08-04-2007, 11:09 AMAnOkGuyRe: Help For A DV Case Against MeI hope that this can be done.. my daughter's birthday is coming up in a few weeks, I don't think she should be punished for a few moments of bad decisions by her parents.Quote:
Quoting Mr. Knowitall
I signed up for one on the day of arraignment but I have not heard anything, or know how to proceed. I assume this is the kind of laywer that I'd see for 5 minutes before my case, and will have no intention of doing anything but 'helping' me cop a plea.Quote:
Quoting Mr. Knowitall
I understand... I appreciate your straight-up advice. I guess I'm trying to find a way to fight something where I know technically I was wrong - but the cops in this case are prosecuting beyond the will of the 'victim' but to what end?Quote:
Quoting Mr. Knowitall
The protection order in itself is a huge punishment for us... I know that its not jail, but it sure feels like it.
And my wife is not going to obey the order... even though we've made arrangements for her to stay at her parents. I don't know how to tell her how much more trouble will come to me if she doesn't keep her distance.
In the perspective of my life.. I never knew that the same treatment would be given to someone who slapped another person, to that of someone who got in to a full blown fist fight. I can't even count the number of times I've been slapped (once even by my principle in elementary school).
I know that some of this is just the perception, they are projecting on me all the evil in the world. I am a good person. I feel so terrible that my daughter had to witness this behavior... I've been through a hell of a lot in my life I wanted so much more for her.