I have a seventeen year old step-daughter who has been living with me and her mother for the past four years.
My daughter graduated high school in May. She does not want to live in our home any longer because we are "too controlling".
We let her stay with her grandmother for several months earlier in the year. Grandma eventually threw her out. Grandma's neighbors had called the "Elder Abuse" hotline and reported my daughter for her behavior to her grandmother.
She treats us no better than her grandma. She no longer wants to abide by our rules. Our other five children are being affected by her terrible behavior.
Her biological father wants nothing to do with her, She hasn't gone to his house every other weekend in over four years. When I mentioned the problems we are having, he just chuckles in the "Glad it's not me" sort of way.
A few weeks ago, she was gone for a couple of days. When she returned, we reiterated our house rules to her: 1) Clean up after youself, 2) no drugs, alcohol, guys, etc in our home 3) In by 11 at night if she plans to come home, otherwise contact us at least once every day or two to let us know she is ok.
Those were obviously too controlling, a couple of days later she disappeared for a week. She ignored our phone calls and had no communication with us. Day 4, I called her work and found that she hadn't shown up. Day 5, got phone records and found she had been calling phone chat lines to meet guys. Called her last few dialed numbers and sweated a few people with "If I don't hear from her today, I am calling the police and reporting her missing and letting them know this was the last number she called"...
Eventually she returned home... totally defiant with a it's none of your business what I do attitude. My wife took her to Olive Garden to have a nice mother-daughter lunch and try to reconnect. My daughter cussed her out because she wouldn't buy an alcoholic drink for her.
I called the phone company and had the cell (which I pay for) disconnected. I put a "club" on her car (which is on my insurance and therefore titled in both our names, however the car was given to her by her grandmother when times were better) to make it inoperable.
The next day she sneaks my wife's cell phone and calls her boyfriend (whom we were unaware of). He calls back to my wife's phone later and doesn't realize that it is my wife who answers and not my daughter. He talks.. he is 25 years old and married, foul-mouthed and advising her of "her rights" and how we can't do that.. and that his wife isn't home and he wants her to come over.
Anyways, my question:
Can I turn her loose and let her go? If so, how does that affect my wife and I legally?
She is welcome to live in our house if she can obey the rules. I offered to pay for college in the fall etc..
However, we are not willing for her to come by once a week, sleep for two days, wash her clothes, pack up half my fridge and head out for another week of debauchery.
If I unclub her car and get our house keys back and tell her she can't come in our house unless my wife or I are present... does that mean we kicked her out? Can she sue us?
Any other ideas... she won't go to counseling, won't go to church... won't do anything but tell us where to go, threaten us, slam doors, etc. I looked into "boot camps" and they won't take them once they turn 17 (like I could afford $5,000 a month even if they did)
She will be 18 in five months. Help!