Out Of State Visitation

I live in Texas and my 21 month old son lives in Iowa with his Mom. We have never been married and as long as she's known me, I've resided in TX. There are currently no court ordered anything. I pay support (amount that she requested), all medical bills and provide medical insurance and have made 14 trips in the last 21 months to see my son (203 days with my son since birth), all paid for by myself. My son's Mom has now decided (since we are no longer trying to work things out) that I can no longer see my son in TX and can only see him when she is present. She makes approx. $30K/year and I make $55K/year. My questions are as follows:

1) What kind of visitation can be expected given the distance knowing my involvment and my sons age. (He clearly knows who I am and refers to me as Dada even if he hasn't seen me in weeks)? I am hoping for Joint custody with 2 weeks of visitation every 8 weeks.

2)Will she be responsible for travel costs? I hoping to make her responsible for 300 of the 1000 miles that seperates us.

thanks.

You're the one seeking visitation, so you may find it to be somewhat uphill asking that your ex- contribute to travel costs or drive part way. If I were a judge there is no way that I would grant two weeks of out-of-state parenting time for a two-year-old on a recurring basis, as every psychological study I have read indicates that it would be entirely inappropriate to remove a two-year-old from the custody of the primary caregiver for such a period of time. If you're going to seek substantial parenting time, get a lawyer.

I have an attorney and should be in court for a temporary hearing in 3 weeks. I have found some psychological information regarding my son's age and being away from his primary caregiver but none of it seems recent. The last thing I want to do is hurt my son and that is why I am seeking information/past experience/etc. I am of the notion that I child needs both his/her parents. There seems to be no psychological affects noted on children who's caregiver travels and is gone for work purposes or have been placed in shared care visitation situations, or is there and I just haven't found it?

You mean, research on a parent who spends lots of time away from home leaving the child in the home with the primary caregiver? I'm sure if you check psychinfo you'll find such articles, but they don't apply to what you want to do.

I was refering to children who have their primary caregiver who travels due to work, etc. and spends time with grandparents or non-custodial parent. Or even kids placed in 50/50 shared care. There doesn't seem to be a worry about their psychological development. Plus, articles clearly state that kids can build multiple attachments, not only just to their primary caregiver and it's not the quantity of time spent with a parent, but the quality. I am very confused and feel that my most limiting factor is that I am male.

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Quoting TxMedic

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I was refering to children who have their primary caregiver who travels due to work, etc. and spends time with grandparents or non-custodial parent. Or even kids placed in 50/50 shared care. There doesn't seem to be a worry about their psychological development. Plus, articles clearly state that kids can build multiple attachments, not only just to their primary caregiver and it's not the quantity of time spent with a parent, but the quality. I am very confused and feel that my most limiting factor is that I am male.

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NO...Your most limiting factor is the distance involved. It is unrealistic to expect such a young child to travel 1000 miles every 2 months.

That is definitely a concern. My son makes a four and half hour car ride every 2 months to visit grandma. Would a 2 hour 20 minute flight be worse? Or a 4 hour car ride and a 1 hour 30 minute flightc combined? Is it in his best interest to not travel and see his father less, or travel and experience both parents? At what age would he be able to tolerate travel? I don't know what the right answers are to these questions or if there are single right answers. I am trying to be a fahter to a son who lives far away but I feel like maybe that's not possible. So at what age does a child have to be before he can have a father (given my situation)? He currently spends most of his time with a daycare provider, so heaven forbid he spends time away from mom with other family members. The "system" seems to have misconstrued priorities when a child is better off with paid strangers taking care of him rather then a willing capable parent. But maybe I am having problems seeing past my emotional bias and frustration created from not being able to raise my son.

Update---

My temporary trial has come and gone. I got 6 days of visitation/month to use as I see fit until my "real" court date in March. The mother of my child has since stopped allowing me any contact (phone or otherwise) unless court ordered. She has also eliminated her own family members from our sons life if they have anything good to say about me. The whole situation is very sad. I thought the court system would protect my son but I realized that not to be true. The best advice to anyone who reads these blogs is to do what is best for your child; BUT make sure to document document document. The courts don't care about the drama, they just care about the Facts. Attorneys care about the drama because if they can build dislike between the clients, then people fight harder and they make more money.