Mother Limiting Phone Contact
My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Washington
Really looking for some direction and help, PLEASE!
Let's start at the beginning... My ex and I have 2 children together, a 14 year old and 11 year old (ages now). I have been paying for a cell phone for the 14 year old to have for about the last 6 or 7 years. This started because the ex was controlling the conversation I was having with them when I had to call her phone to speak with them. I mean should would tell me not to say certain things to them about their day, ways I say it, a ton. And none of this involved her, I mean to say I would ask if they had anything important in their day going on and she was upset because she didn't want them to feel like everything in their day wasn't important and would get on the phone and stop the conversation.
Fast forward, she took the phone away a few weeks ago. The phone was a replacement phone she bought off craigslist, I had been paying the monthly plan in my name and so I let it go since she officially owned the phone itself. Ok, whatever. She then told me that she was going to get the 14 year old a cell phone that she can only use while with my ex. Ok, still no big deal, kind of because what 14 year old wants to have 2 cell phones and tell her friends that they have to call one number some days and another number other days? So I offered to just take the phone number that has been associated with the 14 year old and use that for her phone since all of her friends already have it, as long as she can take that phone with her everywhere, but the ex said no and that the only way the 14 year old can have a cell phone while with me is if I pay for a phone that she has on my time and that phone would not be allowed when not with me.
I understand that whether the kids have and use the phone 1 day a year or every day of the year I would be paying the same monthly price. But the ex is just trying to control everything and punishing our child to gain control over me. An actual thing she said to me was, "this isn't about her, this is about you" in regards to the cell phone.
Is there anything I can do, any ideas, ANYTHING? I don't know if there is any legal advice that can be given, or even just any advice about how to handle this. I have 14 days to return the new cell phone, I just have no idea what to do.
Current parenting plan says nothing about cell phone usage. I have the children every other weekend during the school year with a midweek visit the week they are not with me and have them every other week during the summer.
Thanks for any advice!
Re: Mother Limiting Phone Contact
Quote:
Quoting
spokanedriver
My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Washington
Really looking for some direction and help, PLEASE!
Let's start at the beginning... My ex and I have 2 children together, a 14 year old and 11 year old (ages now). I have been paying for a cell phone for the 14 year old to have for about the last 6 or 7 years. This started because the ex was controlling the conversation I was having with them when I had to call her phone to speak with them. I mean should would tell me not to say certain things to them about their day, ways I say it, a ton. And none of this involved her, I mean to say I would ask if they had anything important in their day going on and she was upset because she didn't want them to feel like everything in their day wasn't important and would get on the phone and stop the conversation.
Fast forward, she took the phone away a few weeks ago. The phone was a replacement phone she bought off craigslist, I had been paying the monthly plan in my name and so I let it go since she officially owned the phone itself. Ok, whatever. She then told me that she was going to get the 14 year old a cell phone that she can only use while with my ex. Ok, still no big deal, kind of because what 14 year old wants to have 2 cell phones and tell her friends that they have to call one number some days and another number other days? So I offered to just take the phone number that has been associated with the 14 year old and use that for her phone since all of her friends already have it, as long as she can take that phone with her everywhere, but the ex said no and that the only way the 14 year old can have a cell phone while with me is if I pay for a phone that she has on my time and that phone would not be allowed when not with me.
I understand that whether the kids have and use the phone 1 day a year or every day of the year I would be paying the same monthly price. But the ex is just trying to control everything and punishing our child to gain control over me. An actual thing she said to me was, "this isn't about her, this is about you" in regards to the cell phone.
Is there anything I can do, any ideas, ANYTHING? I don't know if there is any legal advice that can be given, or even just any advice about how to handle this. I have 14 days to return the new cell phone, I just have no idea what to do.
Current parenting plan says nothing about cell phone usage. I have the children every other weekend during the school year with a midweek visit the week they are not with me and have them every other week during the summer.
Thanks for any advice!
Mom is obviously upset about something you have done, since she says its not about the 14 year old, its about you. So, what specifically have you done that has mom upset enough that she believes that the child has to have only a phone that she can control on her time? Identifying that is your first step in resolving the problem.
Re: Mother Limiting Phone Contact
Of course. She is upset that I had asked for assistance in paying for the cell bill. And because I asked again, she decided to just disallow it all together. But because she is dating someone new who offered to pay the entire bill for her she would just rather take control completely and find ways to spite me. I say this because she said that it wasn't our child's fault, it was because of me. When I asked the ex if there was any situation we could workout where our 14 year old has a cell phone when she's with me, without me having to buy a complete different cell phone, the ex said no.
Re: Mother Limiting Phone Contact
Sorry, there is no cure for having a lunatic ex.
Re: Mother Limiting Phone Contact
Does the mother's time extend to all time except for when she is with me? For example, she is saying our child cannot have the phone even at friends houses if it's her weekend and can say that because it's her weekend
Re: Mother Limiting Phone Contact
If it is her time she gets to set the rules.
Re: Mother Limiting Phone Contact
What is in the custody agreement about telephone contact? If there is nothing, have something added that there be a REASONABLE amount of contact during the other parent's custody periods.Specify both parent initiated and child initiated. At the ages of the children, parent assistance is not needed for the child to be on the telephone. Ask that the custodial parent is to respect the child's privacy on conversations with the other parent.
Re: Mother Limiting Phone Contact
When she's at school and friend's places, is that considered mother's time?
Re: Mother Limiting Phone Contact
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spokanedriver
When she's at school and friend's places, is that considered mother's time?
Yes, any time that is not your time is mom's time.
Look dad, you really need to kind of blame yourself on this one. You were pressuring mom to pay for half of the child's cell phone bill, and when she finally blew about it you want to blame her. Now you want to go back to the way it was before, but its probably too late now. If you have been divorced for 6 or 7 years or more you should have realized that if you push things to the point where it blows up, then things get worse.
There is a reasonable chance that this will blow over if you just sit back and give it time. My guess is that mom will realize that she needs to be able to reach the children when they are with you, and will eventually allow the child to have the phone while with you as well.
Re: Mother Limiting Phone Contact
Pressuring? At what point did anything I say here mention that I was pressuring or even that I had? Is one parent not able to ask the other parent to assist with financial obligations of the child? Isn't that what child support is for? I don't mean to say that child support is for cell phone use, I mean to say that child support is used to help both parents pay for expenses, and that's all I was doing was asking the other parent to assist in paying. Not paying by court order, but simply asking to assist in OUR childs expenses.
Nor did I mention how often I had asked for assistance, for all this posts concern I could have just asked for the 2nd time in the last 6 or 7 years.
Re: Mother Limiting Phone Contact
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Quoting
spokanedriver
Pressuring? At what point did anything I say here mention that I was pressuring or even that I had? Is one parent not able to ask the other parent to assist with financial obligations of the child? Isn't that what child support is for? I don't mean to say that child support is for cell phone use, I mean to say that child support is used to help both parents pay for expenses, and that's all I was doing was asking the other parent to assist in paying. Not paying by court order, but simply asking to assist in OUR childs expenses.
Nor did I mention how often I had asked for assistance, for all this posts concern I could have just asked for the 2nd time in the last 6 or 7 years.
No, child support is to reimburse the parent with primary custody for the expenses that parent already paid for the child. It is NOT intended to help the non-custodial parent with expenses they voluntarily chose to incur. Sure, you could ask mom to help with the cell phone, but when she said no the first time (and you said that you asked her more than once) then you should have accepted that no.
Child support is to help cover housing, food, sundries and all of the other things that go into supporting a child. Again, in your case its you reimbursing mom.
Re: Mother Limiting Phone Contact
Again, it's the idea of splitting expenses. Agreed it was voluntary, which is what i said. But because i had asked before, doesn't mean i couldn't ask again. If you feel personally attached to this im sorry, but i at least did get an answer.
Re: Mother Limiting Phone Contact
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llworking
Mom is obviously upset about something you have done, since she says its not about the 14 year old, its about you.
I think now we know.
https://www.expertlaw.com/forums/sho...d.php?t=245829
Dad has a new wife who wants to be bff to the daughter.
Re: Mother Limiting Phone Contact
Yes, my new wife (5 years married now) has a close relationship with my daughter. They get along well, my wife was teaching at a middle school in the district my daughter goes to so they had a lot to talk about.
Re: Mother Limiting Phone Contact
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spokanedriver
Again, it's the idea of splitting expenses. Agreed it was voluntary, which is what i said. But because i had asked before, doesn't mean i couldn't ask again. If you feel personally attached to this im sorry, but i at least did get an answer.
Is that what you teach your daughter? That if you say no its ok to ask again? Or, do you teach your daughter that no means no? Again dad, you brought this on yourself.
Re: Mother Limiting Phone Contact
i teach my daughter business strategy. if someone tells you no, then you change situations and specifics and try again. if you teach your kids to give up on the first try, i'm sorry, i teach my children to be diligent.
now, can we please not turn this into personal and parenting attacks? I understand my answer from the forum, there is no need to continue
Re: Mother Limiting Phone Contact
Quote:
Quoting
spokanedriver
i teach my daughter business strategy. if someone tells you no, then you change situations and specifics and try again. if you teach your kids to give up on the first try, i'm sorry, i teach my children to be diligent.
now, can we please not turn this into personal and parenting attacks? I understand my answer from the forum, there is no need to continue
The point is that you have two threads on this forum. In both threads, you present yourself in less than a flattering light in terms of co-parenting with your ex, yet you bash your ex. Either you want real advice, or you just want to hear advice that is what you want to hear. If the former, then pay attention to what you are being told. If the latter, then you probably should just stop posting.