Can My Child's Grandmother Seek Custody of My Child

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Tennessee

For the past two years, my mother-in-law has been living with us and it's been a roller coaster. Right now she blames me for "destroying" my 16 year old step-son because she feels I have been a pathetic father for the past 6 and have been verbally abusing him. He's now at the point where he's only motivated to do things he wants, he'll argue with his mom on everything, he's lazy, doesn't care about anything unless it benefits him. Basically stuff my wife says is "Teenager" stuff and she feels that I didn't build a good relationship with him after we were married. But the problem now stems from what she's accusing me of with my 4-year old biological son.

In our house, my wife and I live with our two boys, my 16 year old step son and 4 year old biological son, my wife's sister and her two children, aged 16 and 10, and my wife's mother. For the most part, I'm not home as much due to working two jobs while my wife works one, in order to support everyone. The incident that apparently sparked my MIL's fury is that I told my 4 year old that if his 10 year old cousin isn't willing to share his Nintendo Switch with him, then he shouldn't have to share his Nintendo 3DS, because I felt my 4 year old was being taken advantage of by his 10 year old cousin. This hit a severe thorn in my MIL's paw as she feels I'm teaching him hatred, selfishness, and teaching him how to be a delinquent thug and that I'm destroying him. She states that when I'm home from work, my 4 year old changes in personality; he becomes defiant, he lies, and he's not this wonderful child that she's around all the time and that I'm the reason for it. I feel like that is completely wrong as my 4 year old is my pride and joy and I want nothing but the best for him. She has threatened me before stating that I'm an unfit parent because she feels I project my emotional problems and issues onto my child and wife and that I had pulled a knife on myself once, making for an unsafe environment. Just last night she threatened to take me to court to have me committed, thrown in jail, or to have me removed from my home because she will not allow me to "destroy" my son. She told me that I am "Contributing to the delinquency of a Minor" by teaching him something like this instead of teaching him how to be loving and kind. She's even told me that the entire household runs better when I'm not there. Mind you I am a person who has never smoked, never done drugs, never done anything illegal, works two jobs to help take care of everyone, and has to deal with untold amounts of stress and depression to the point that I come home from work, I spend what little time I have sitting on the couch watching Netflix with my 4 year old leaning on me.

I honestly don't know what she can do, but her threats have caused me to even become ill. I love my 4 year old with everything in my being and would sacrifice everything I have to ensure he has a bright future and that he becomes a good man when he grows up. I am in counseling with my wife to ensure our marriage stays together because I want him to grow up in a two parent household. I don't want to have him stuck in the middle of a parental battle, unlike the one my wife had with her older son's father.

Can my mother-in-law really take legal action against me to have my parental rights removed? Can something like this really make me be considered an unfit parent? I'm really uneasy and want to know everything I can to ensure I don't lose my son.

You, your wife and your kids need to move and get your own place.

I agree, you guys should move. They are very interfering. From a legal standpoint, based on what you have stated, I don't think she would have a prayer. It could get murky if they convince your wife to be in cahoots with them and would likely cause you headaches, but it is incredibly hard to prove someone unfit. So I wouldn't worry about it. Continue the counseling with your wife, and find a different place for your family to live.

You need to either kick everyone out if that's your house or you need to find your own place.

No your MIL cannot have your parental rights removed. A judge or you can relinquish parental rights. She could try to report you for the things she said but I doubt even CPS would investigate very far into it if they did.

Tennessee grandparents rights:

This is the pivotal question. Do grandparents even have legal rights to visit their grandchildren under Tennessee law? Yes, they do. But those rights are not without limitation.

So long as the child’s parents remain married to each other (and lack of parental fitness is not at issue), they can exercise a level of control over grandparent visits without judicial interference. When the mother and father are fit parents, the law presumes that their child-rearing decisions are in the child’s best interests. Consequently, some weight must accorded their decisions regarding maternal or paternal grandparent visitation.

Paraphrasing T.C.A. § 36-6-306(a), Tennessee law provides for a grandparent visitation hearing only in the following six circumstances:
•Death of a Parent: One of the child’s parents is deceased.
•Missing Parent: One of the child’s parents is missing and has been missing for at least six months.
•Parents’ Marital Status: The child’s parents are not married to each other or, if they were married to each other, they are now divorced or legally separated.
•Foreign Grandparent Visitation Order: The grandparent has a visitation order from another state granting access to the child.
•Presumption of Irreparable Harm: For at least 12 months, the child lived with the grandparent before being removed from the grandparent’s home by the parent or parents. In this situation, Tennessee law creates a rebuttable presumption that the child would be harmed if grandparent visitation were denied.
•Significant Relationship: For at least 12 months immediately before the parent or parents put a stop to access, the grandparent and grandchild had “maintained a significant existing relationship.” Under Tennessee law, terminating a significant existing relationship of this kind is likely to cause substantial emotional harm to the child (but there is no legal presumption that it will). This assumes, however, that the parent did not sever the relationship to prevent substantial harm to the child or abuse of the child.


My ex MIL tried to threaten me last year with taking me to court for grandparent rights (which is very, very strict in my state and rarely happens). I wasn't keeping my daughter from her. I just said I wouldn't let her be around any toxic people and his family was being extremely toxic about some things regarding my ex - until he proved me right and them wrong. I told her to please take me to court so a judge could laugh at her because she had no standing. She never comes to see my daughter. She doesn't try to see any of my ex's kids - just her daughters' kids because they live 3 blocks away. So honestly if I was you call her bluff. But you really need your own place away from her.

Your MIL can call CPS and lie. Your MIL can cause so much turmoil. This will look like a walk in the park. It sounds like part of your step-sons problem is his grandmother. A grandmother like this will undermine a parent and/or step parents authority. A grandmother like thus can also talk a child into lying to authorities. Especially if the child is a rebellious teenager.

If you truly care for these children. Move away from your MIL and other in-laws. If you do not. Be prepared for problems with your four year old. Problems so severe, your four year old could end up worse than your step-son and much sooner. Your MIL could cost you custody of your four year old.

I have seen several situations like this. This is only the beginning. How long has your MIL and other in-laws lived in the same house as your family ? Who's name is the house in ?

Everything is in my and my wife's name. The lease on the house, the cars, utilities. Basically it was the four of us before she moved in 2.5 years ago. The only good thing that did come from her was that she forced counseling on me that ended up turning into counseling for my wife and I because my wife has Insurance and I don't.

my MIL says she plans to move out when everything is good in our household, but honestly I feel like they won't get better until she does leave. It's like a bad paradox that I don't know how to get out of.

Your MIL will never move out. She has control as long as she is there. She will not give that up. Unless she is forced to. Your wife should have never moved her or other family in. If your wife will not stand up to her. You might have to make a choice. Your wife should be on your side.

You need to get your step-son into counseling.

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Quoting Neokenshin

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Everything is in my and my wife's name. The lease on the house, the cars, utilities. Basically it was the four of us before she moved in 2.5 years ago. The only good thing that did come from her was that she forced counseling on me that ended up turning into counseling for my wife and I because my wife has Insurance and I don't.

my MIL says she plans to move out when everything is good in our household, but honestly I feel like they won't get better until she does leave. It's like a bad paradox that I don't know how to get out of.

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Sounds like you have the control. Just. Kick. Her. Out.

One thing though - is she paying rent? If so, you may have a little issue and a few questions to ask about Landlord/Tennant laws in your states, but otherwise, kick her out.

The way you worded this makes me think that you have given her way too much power in the household.

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Quoting oldsmom

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Sounds like you have the control. Just. Kick. Her. Out.

One thing though - is she paying rent? If so, you may have a little issue and a few questions to ask about Landlord/Tennant laws in your states, but otherwise, kick her out.

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She's lived there for 2.5 years so I'd expect the OP to have to formally evict his MIL. His wife may not be on board with that. If my mom acted that way she'd be out on her derriere.

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The way you worded this makes me think that you have given her way too much power in the household.

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I agree.

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Quoting Neokenshin

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Everything is in my and my wife's name. The lease on the house, the cars, utilities. Basically it was the four of us before she moved in 2.5 years ago. The only good thing that did come from her was that she forced counseling on me that ended up turning into counseling for my wife and I because my wife has Insurance and I don't.

my MIL says she plans to move out when everything is good in our household, but honestly I feel like they won't get better until she does leave. It's like a bad paradox that I don't know how to get out of.

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You need to evict your MIL and other in laws. It's that simple. She's never going to move out on her own. So you need to talk to your wife and if you need to, talk to a lawyer. Kick her out.