Petition for Visitation After Three Years Without Contact

Originally, I probably wouldn't have everything I have now. I was willing to give up everything from our life together just to get away. I wanted to. "Start Fresh."
But, as it happened, he attacked me one last time and the restraining order was placed to our address and he was the one that had to vacate; not me.
The police came and he collected his things in two days. All of our Tv's and computers and game systems were on his list of things to take along with all of our tools and his clothes. Old cell phones weren't on his radar. He still had his current cell on my plan and we worked out that he would pay his half of the bill to use it or I would report it as stolen.
I was never snoopy. I never looked at his phone and I wouldn't have tried to access his messages had they literally not been handed to me on a silver platter.
Like I said, he has since changed his password and I no longer can see his messages. I couldn't access them from any other device. I just took screenshots and sent them to my email for safe keeping until one day I, er he, needed to sign in again. I just surmised it was because the password was changed.

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Quoting Cm1234

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Originally, I probably wouldn't have everything I have now. I was willing to give up everything from our life together just to get away. I wanted to. "Start Fresh."
But, as it happened, he attacked me one last time and the restraining order was placed to our address and he was the one that had to vacate; not me.
The police came and he collected his things in two days. All of our Tv's and computers and game systems were on his list of things to take along with all of our tools and his clothes. Old cell phones weren't on his radar. He still had his current cell on my plan and we worked out that he would pay his half of the bill to use it or I would report it as stolen.
I was never snoopy. I never looked at his phone and I wouldn't have tried to access his messages had they literally not been handed to me on a silver platter.
Like I said, he has since changed his password and I no longer can see his messages. I couldn't access them from any other device. I just took screenshots and sent them to my email for safe keeping until one day I, er he, needed to sign in again. I just surmised it was because the password was changed.

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You admit on a public forum that you will file a false police report if you do not like what is happening.

I believe you need to stop posting and get an attorney immediately. You are way out of line. IMO, you are a danger to your child as you are willing to break the law to get your way.

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Quoting Cm1234

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Originally, I probably wouldn't have everything I have now. I was willing to give up everything from our life together just to get away. I wanted to. "Start Fresh."
But, as it happened, he attacked me one last time and the restraining order was placed to our address and he was the one that had to vacate; not me.
The police came and he collected his things in two days. All of our Tv's and computers and game systems were on his list of things to take along with all of our tools and his clothes. Old cell phones weren't on his radar. He still had his current cell on my plan and we worked out that he would pay his half of the bill to use it or I would report it as stolen.
I was never snoopy. I never looked at his phone and I wouldn't have tried to access his messages had they literally not been handed to me on a silver platter.
Like I said, he has since changed his password and I no longer can see his messages. I couldn't access them from any other device. I just took screenshots and sent them to my email for safe keeping until one day I, er he, needed to sign in again. I just surmised it was because the password was changed.

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Nothing wrong with being snoopy if you're paying for everything. I snooped after the lies built up. He didn't own a damn thing when we were together I paid for everything he had. His phone, his clothes, the rent, utilities, my car, everything.

However I never made a false report on him. That is shady. The one time I called him in is when he legitimately took my car without my permission after I repeatedly told him no and then threatened to ram it into a wall if I didn't send him $100 for drugs and gas.

I just got confused how you automatically got old phones back that's all.

Look up family law attorneys who give free consultations and go from there.

OkisnotOk, I never said I would file a police report?

I guess it does sound shady with my brief reply.
But as an ACCOUNT HOLDER and OWNER of both cell phone lines I have the ability in MY ONLINE ACCOUNT to push a magical little button that says "report phone as lost or stolen"
And that little button ceases all service to that phone and won't allow it to be reactivated under another plan.
No police required.
And I can unclick that button at any time, too.
That's all I was going to do.

I have only filed one report in my life. And that was when he violated the restraining order.

Qwaspolk69, thanks for being my sounding board and actually helping me.
I would never "break the law to get my way"

OP,

You really need an attorney and a therapist. Your attorney needs to be one who can filter through your overly dramatic accusations and ferret out the truth. The therapist needs to help you regain control; it is in your child's best interest because your life at this time most certainly be even more damaging than the limited involvement with dad.

Your child needs advocates and protection from both of you. If this means putting the child in the custody of the sate's child welfare until things are safe, so be it. (I say this because I have 40ish friends doing battle over their 9 yo child; the child needs to be outside the control of them both until they get their acts together and work together rather than continually stir the pot and fling trash at each other. All of their filings are publicly available online. One day their tech savvy child is going to read the now 7 years of mud slinging and name calling and hate them both. Take a lesson of what not to do.)

I have been married nearly 50 years and would never read my DH's communications without his permission. You, on the other hand, admit to snooping and feel it is your right to do so because you are paying the bill on an account you share. How would you feel if he did the same to you? What would he find to use against you? I suspect you are not totally innocent in the relationship and the problems he has just as he contributed to your issues.


PLEASE, get an attorney soon.

Quote:

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Quoting OKisNotOK

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OP,

You really need an attorney and a therapist. Your attorney needs to be one who can filter through your overly dramatic accusations and ferret out the truth. The therapist needs to help you regain control; it is in your child's best interest because your life at this time most certainly be even more damaging than the limited involvement with dad.

Your child needs advocates and protection from both of you. If this means putting the child in the custody of the sate's child welfare until things are safe, so be it. (I say this because I have 40ish friends doing battle over their 9 yo child; the child needs to be outside the control of them both until they get their acts together and work together rather than continually stir the pot and fling trash at each other. All of their filings are publicly available online. One day their tech savvy child is going to read the now 7 years of mud slinging and name calling and hate them both. Take a lesson of what not to do.)

I have been married nearly 50 years and would never read my DH's communications without his permission. You, on the other hand, admit to snooping and feel it is your right to do so because you are paying the bill on an account you share. How would you feel if he did the same to you? What would he find to use against you? I suspect you are not totally innocent in the relationship and the problems he has just as he contributed to your issues.


PLEASE, get an attorney soon.

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I think you're being a bit dramatic with the put her kid in state custody thing. She and her child should seek therapy - yes. Therapy helps (some). Your friends are not the same situation as this person.

Good for you that you can trust your husband. Not everyone has had that luxury. I won't lie I read my ex husband's texts - and caught his ass cheating when I did. I caught him looking through my stuff. I told him I'd freely let him look at my messages and my texts because I had nothing to hide. I never cheated on him nor have I cheated on anyone. He couldn't say the same. Eventually I woke up and divorced him.

I paid his phone bill, bought his phone, bought everything so yeah I and anyone else who does that has a right to know what the hell they're doing with it.

She does need a lawyer though.

You're telling me you are nearly, if not over 70 and using the internet so well?
Color me impressed because I can't even get my grandma to figure out texting!

I really shouldn't feed into your trolling, but I will.

Firstly, I am not being "overly dramatic" about any accusation? I am being logical and truthful. Out of control? Not quite.

This man beat me in the head until my teeth went through my lips while I was holding our 3 month old twins.
That's not being dramatic. I have scars to prove such "accusations."
He used to tell me that I liked it. That I made him do it. That I wanted him to hurt me. And if I ever called the police on him he could kill me before they got there.
You are insinuating that his very clear "issues" are because of me? He wouldn't do the same thing to someone else?
Because the girl before me had a restraining order against him too. She just didn't have kids with him.

Secondly, I have never, and will never, "publicly trash" him or "sling mud." Telling the truth in the right environment is not considered the same thing.
I can't say the same for him with his bashing Facebook posts.

Thirdly, you are calling me an unfit parent? For what? Removing them from that situation and raising them to be the bright individuals they are now? Or for asking for guidance on how to protect them or allow their father to be in their life safely?

My "life" is not damaging to them. They have a very normal and well rounded 3 bedroom home in a very nice town where they participate in after school curriculars multiple times a week. They have family and friends who love and support them. The memories of "when daddy threw you through the table" have faded.

Fourthly, you ask how would I feel if he went through my communications? It used to happen on the regular. I never returned the favor until it just so happened that I turned on an old phone and was given proof on the lock screen (I didn't even have to UNLOCK the phone or SNOOP) that he is an addict. I didn't do it because I felt entitled to because I paid the bills. I did it because it was evidence that he was purposely avoiding paying child support and was using, selling, and buying drugs. Should I not have? And just let my children deal with that? He wouldn't find any incriminating anything going through my personal devices. I have a constantly messy van and I'm typically a load or two behind on wash. Sometimes I don't sweep after breakfast and sometimes I let the dishes pile up for two days. I am not a perfect person, no. I am not a perfect mother, unlike you, clearly. But I try my best. Which is all anyone can ask of me. I am trying to make this the best situation for them. Because ever since they came into my life that is what my purpose is. Making THEIR life the best I can.

As you keep insisting, I have seen counselors. I have been to group meetings. I have been to specialists and neuroscientists and I've dealt with the PTSD I suffered after we broke up. I was lost. I felt out of control and I didn't know what I was supposed to do. But I've since moved passed those dark days. Years ago, actually. As I told their father, I have come to terms with our past. I don't harbor bad feelings about the things that happened. They happened though, and to deny that is to deny me my life story. The pieces that make me who I am. I am grateful for the years we had been together because they taught me so many things about myself and healthy relationships.

Right now? I feel anxious mostly about what has yet to happen. And aggravated by your constant responses yet lack of understanding and repeated condescension.

Lastly, I get that you dont know the whole story, you don't know me, or my ex, and it's common for women to "play" the victim roll and lie, nonetheless, you are coming off as very rude and insulting.
And there's one big difference. I am not a victim. I am a survivor. I have been through terrible injustices and I have lived.
My sole purpose is to make sure my children grow up to become strong, independent, and successful people.

Unfortunately, the manual on how to do that hasn't been written yet; please excuse me for truthfully explaining my situation and asking for some additional guidance.

I have been in contact with a couple lawyers and plan on meeting with them soon.

Quote:

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Quoting Cm1234

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You're telling me you are nearly, if not over 70 and using the internet so well?
Color me impressed because I can't even get my grandma to figure out texting!

I really shouldn't feed into your trolling, but I will.

Firstly, I am not being "overly dramatic" about any accusation? I am being logical and truthful. Out of control? Not quite.

This man beat me in the head until my teeth went through my lips while I was holding our 3 month old twins.
That's not being dramatic. I have scars to prove such "accusations."
He used to tell me that I liked it. That I made him do it. That I wanted him to hurt me. And if I ever called the police on him he could kill me before they got there.
You are insinuating that his very clear "issues" are because of me? He wouldn't do the same thing to someone else?
Because the girl before me had a restraining order against him too. She just didn't have kids with him.

Secondly, I have never, and will never, "publicly trash" him or "sling mud." Telling the truth in the right environment is not considered the same thing.
I can't say the same for him with his bashing Facebook posts.

Thirdly, you are calling me an unfit parent? For what? Removing them from that situation and raising them to be the bright individuals they are now? Or for asking for guidance on how to protect them or allow their father to be in their life safely?

My "life" is not damaging to them. They have a very normal and well rounded 3 bedroom home in a very nice town where they participate in after school curriculars multiple times a week. They have family and friends who love and support them. The memories of "when daddy threw you through the table" have faded.

Fourthly, you ask how would I feel if he went through my communications? It used to happen on the regular. I never returned the favor until it just so happened that I turned on an old phone and was given proof on the lock screen (I didn't even have to UNLOCK the phone or SNOOP) that he is an addict. I didn't do it because I felt entitled to because I paid the bills. I did it because it was evidence that he was purposely avoiding paying child support and was using, selling, and buying drugs. Should I not have? And just let my children deal with that? He wouldn't find any incriminating anything going through my personal devices. I have a constantly messy van and I'm typically a load or two behind on wash. Sometimes I don't sweep after breakfast and sometimes I let the dishes pile up for two days. I am not a perfect person, no. I am not a perfect mother, unlike you, clearly. But I try my best. Which is all anyone can ask of me. I am trying to make this the best situation for them. Because ever since they came into my life that is what my purpose is. Making THEIR life the best I can.

As you keep insisting, I have seen counselors. I have been to group meetings. I have been to specialists and neuroscientists and I've dealt with the PTSD I suffered after we broke up. I was lost. I felt out of control and I didn't know what I was supposed to do. But I've since moved passed those dark days. Years ago, actually. As I told their father, I have come to terms with our past. I don't harbor bad feelings about the things that happened. They happened though, and to deny that is to deny me my life story. The pieces that make me who I am. I am grateful for the years we had been together because they taught me so many things about myself and healthy relationships.

Right now? I feel anxious mostly about what has yet to happen. And aggravated by your constant responses yet lack of understanding and repeated condescension.

Lastly, I get that you dont know the whole story, you don't know me, or my ex, and it's common for women to "play" the victim roll and lie, nonetheless, you are coming off as very rude and insulting.
And there's one big difference. I am not a victim. I am a survivor. I have been through terrible injustices and I have lived.
My sole purpose is to make sure my children grow up to become strong, independent, and successful people.

Unfortunately, the manual on how to do that hasn't been written yet; please excuse me for truthfully explaining my situation and asking for some additional guidance.

I have been in contact with a couple lawyers and plan on meeting with them soon.

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Okay I think this has not jumped ship on the topic. Let's try to reel it back in.

I hope you get some solid advice from the attorneys Cm.

OK - if you haven't been in her shoes don't judge.

Quote:

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Quoting OKisNotOK

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OP,

You really need an attorney and a therapist. Your attorney needs to be one who can filter through your overly dramatic accusations and ferret out the truth. The therapist needs to help you regain control; it is in your child's best interest because your life at this time most certainly be even more damaging than the limited involvement with dad.

Your child needs advocates and protection from both of you. If this means putting the child in the custody of the sate's child welfare until things are safe, so be it. (I say this because I have 40ish friends doing battle over their 9 yo child; the child needs to be outside the control of them both until they get their acts together and work together rather than continually stir the pot and fling trash at each other. All of their filings are publicly available online. One day their tech savvy child is going to read the now 7 years of mud slinging and name calling and hate them both. Take a lesson of what not to do.)

I have been married nearly 50 years and would never read my DH's communications without his permission. You, on the other hand, admit to snooping and feel it is your right to do so because you are paying the bill on an account you share. How would you feel if he did the same to you? What would he find to use against you? I suspect you are not totally innocent in the relationship and the problems he has just as he contributed to your issues.


PLEASE, get an attorney soon.

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What state do you live in where domestic court files and transcripts are open and available to the public? Records of when hearings occur are often online, but they don't give specifics and nobody could see what "mud slinging" was going on. If anyone looked up my case it would state the day and time of a hearing and when a decision was filed. No specifics, no details, and certainly no private testimony being publicly displayed. You can clearly see that there was a hearing about parenting time on X date. You can also see that a decision was filed on X date. It doesn't say that my ex husband lost all visitation of our kids for being sexually inappropriate. Domestic court hearings are not public and the records are not either. I had to go to the court and show my ID just to get a copy of one single page of my records to prove that I was a party in the case. If your state blasts all domestic records online for anyone to see, I would love to know what state that is.

The manual for being a strong independent and solid parent includes getting legal counsel and keeping everything that happens, especially with someone like your ex, strictly reigned in by the power of the courts and law. This is a person who will not be stopped until he runs into something he can't bluster and threaten and boss into getting his way, and the only recourse you have, in my very experienced opinion is to keep a grip on the situation legally. Get everything set up in CONCRETE. Legally. By your attorney. This is worth spending all the money you have to do it with, and it is IMPORTANT money you are spending here. You must be the one who has a good attorney to set things up and tell you exactly what a court order, with judges input, says you must and must not do. Deal with this person only through these entities. Don't try to "counsel" your children yourself, or keep them having positive little talk ins with their other parent. Get it set up legally, and then work for them from there. If their father chooses not to see them, not to pay his child support, or if he tries to demand to see them and tries to prejudice them against you, you will never be the worse for having dealt with the situation through professionals. Best wishes to you.